PotC - Two Drafts

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • PotC - Two Drafts

    Centos just posted a scene in another thread. The draft I have is slightly different - of course it is.

    It's interesting to see differences with dialogue included.

    If anyone is interested I'll post it here. If not that's okay, too.
    "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
    - Clive Barker, Galilee

  • #2
    Re: PotC - Two Drafts

    I sense a trap a brewin'.

    Yeah, post it. I'm interested.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: PotC - Two Drafts

      INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION - FOYER - DAY

      The caller, dressed in rough clothing, is very out of place,
      and knows it. He holds a presentation case. He polishes the
      toes of his boots on the back of his calves; it doesn't help.

      SWANN
      Ah, Mr. Turner! It's good to see you
      again!

      The caller turns -- it is WILL TURNER. Handsome, with a watchful
      demeanor that gives him a weight beyond his years.

      WILL
      Good day, sir. I have your order.

      Will holds out the case, opens it. Inside is a beautiful dress sword
      and scabbard. Swann takes it out reverently.

      WILL (CONT'D)
      The blade is folded steel. That's gold filigree
      laid into the handle. If I may --

      He takes the sword from Swann, balances it on one finger at the
      point where the blade meets the guard.

      WILL (CONT'D)
      Perfectly balanced. The tang is nearly the
      full width of the blade.

      SWANN
      Impressive ... very impressive. Commodore
      Norrington will be pleased, I'm sure. Do pass
      my compliments on to your master.

      Will's face falls. Clearly, the work is his, and he's proud of it.
      With practiced ease, he flips the sword, catches it by the hilt,
      returns it to the case. He bows slightly.

      WILL
      I shall. A craftsman is always pleased to
      hear his work is appreciated --

      He stops speaking abruptly, staring past Swann --

      Elizabeth stands on the stairs. Granted, the dress may be
      painful to wear, but holy smokes!

      SWANN
      Elizabeth! You look stunning!

      Will tries to speak -- gives up, smiles to himself, and
      nods.

      ELIZABETH
      Will! It's so good to see you!
      (her hand goes to the
      hidden medallion)
      I dreamt about you last night.

      WILL
      About me?

      SWANN
      Elizabeth, this is hardly appropriate --

      ELIZABETH
      About the day we met. Do you remember?

      WILL
      I could never forget it, Miss Swann.

      ELIZABETH
      Will, how many times must I ask you to
      call me 'Elizabeth'?

      WILL
      At least once more, Miss Swann. As
      always.

      SWANN
      Well said! There's a boy who understands
      propriety. Now, we must be going.

      Swann takes the case from Will, opens the door. Elizabeth straightens
      her back, gathers her skirts, strides past Will.

      ELIZABETH
      Good day, Mr. Turner.
      "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
      - Clive Barker, Galilee

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: PotC - Two Drafts

        From the other draft:

        INT. GOVERNOR'S MANSION - FOYER - DAY

        The caller, dressed in rough clothing, stands in the foyer,
        looking very out of place, and knowing it. He holds a long
        presentation case. He polishes the toes of his boots on the
        back of his calves, but it doesn't help.

        In the draft I posted:
        - the "stands in the foyer" is missing
        - a couple of "ing" words are different
        - the "but" is missing

        Depending on the order "stands in the foyer" was either"
        - removed because of FOYER in the SLUG, or
        - added because nobody reads scene headings.

        Read more screenplays.
        "I am the story itself; its source, its voice, its music."
        - Clive Barker, Galilee

        Comment

        Working...
        X