A little bit of a dilemma here...

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  • #16
    Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

    Make sure your action paragraphs are no longer than 4 lines each. Cut as much exposition as you possibly can.

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    • #17
      Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

      Originally posted by Spanky View Post
      Would anyone be interested in reading it? It's a modern day gangster drama out of Pittsburgh.
      Sure. PM me.

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      • #18
        Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

        Originally posted by nmstevens View Post
        Sometimes, you don't even need a scene at all. What you may notice in various screenplays are moments when you think, "Oh, I know what's going to happen next," but instead of showing us that scene, the screenwriter will simply cut to the following scene -- not show us that scene at all.

        For good reason. The scene that he's shown us has given us enough information. The first scene, in essence, creates the second scene. So we don't need to see it. We can jump right ahead to the aftermath scene.
        I watched Ocean's Eleven tonight for the first time in years and noticed quite a lot of this exact thing.
        "You have idea 1, you're excited. It flops. You have idea 99, you're excited. It flops.
        Only a fool is excited by the 100th idea. Fools keep trying. God rewards fools." --Martin Hellman, paraphrased

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        • #19
          Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

          If your script requires 130 pages, leave it. But three drafts is still too early to tell in my book.

          I have a similar problem with my 140-page space fantasy (seventh draft). I could cut it down to 120, but I'd be cutting out cool imagery, epic action sequences, and more importantly, my VOICE out of the script as well.

          For eg. I don't want to write in one word sentences just to cut space. Stuff like:

          The phone RINGS. Ed stares at it, nervous. Sweat pours. A beat. Fu*k it. He picks up. A muffled VOICE -- male, raspy, old. Sh*t. He SLAMS it down. Ponders.
          I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

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          • #20
            Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

            Look for places where you convey information we already know. Write so you don't repeat. You may have to look hard at cutting subplots. Make sure your subplots have a strong effect on the main character's arc or get rid of them. Some secondary characters may be doing things you can give to the main character.

            See if you can inform through action rather than talk. This doesn't just mean dialogue. Simplify. Elaborate description costs real estate.

            I think someone has already said this, but start late and get out early. If you cut the first 10 lines and the last 2 of each scene, you'll definitely move along quicker. That's an arbitrary number, but it's a starting-off point to help you start looking at where the fat might be.

            No rules, just suggesting a few things that have worked for me in the past.

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            • #21
              Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

              Originally posted by carcar View Post
              Look for places where you convey information we already know. Write so you don't repeat. You may have to look hard at cutting subplots. Make sure your subplots have a strong effect on the main character's arc or get rid of them. Some secondary characters may be doing things you can give to the main character.

              See if you can inform through action rather than talk. This doesn't just mean dialogue. Simplify. Elaborate description costs real estate.

              I think someone has already said this, but start late and get out early. If you cut the first 10 lines and the last 2 of each scene, you'll definitely move along quicker. That's an arbitrary number, but it's a starting-off point to help you start looking at where the fat might be.

              No rules, just suggesting a few things that have worked for me in the past.

              In my experience, writers just naturally hate to cut things. They'd rather spend endless amounts of time trying to "fix" things that already have a perfect built-in remedy.

              Scissors. Scissors can be our best friend. We should never be afraid of them.

              I can't tell you how many times I've struggled with a line, with a piece of dialogue, with a scene until finally I just stop and ask them simple little question.

              Do I really need it at all? And suddenly, the problem is solved. Snip. It's gone. Line gone. Dialogue gone. Scene gone. And more often than not I'll realize that the story information in that scene is already somewhere else in the script or can very easily be moved to some nearby scene without any problem at all.

              Problem solved. Move on.

              NMS

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              • #22
                Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

                These responses have been beyond helpful. I'm already down to 122 by using the "In late... Out early" rule. Another post also mentioned skipping scenes, which I already have been doing. I'm glad they mentioned that because I wasn't sure if that was a mistake or not.

                Again, thanks to all.

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                • #23
                  Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

                  Alternate drafts.

                  Write the first draft of your next script, then come back to cut this one.

                  Then: post your logline on your screen and cut every *word* that is not that logline.

                  - Bill
                  Free Script Tips:
                  http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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                  • #24
                    Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

                    Repetition. Watch for it. Cut it.

                    Also, repetition can be a problem. Cut it.

                    What?
                    Always choose cognac over cocaine -- Jon Lord

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                    • #25
                      Re: A little bit of a dilemma here...

                      Originally posted by Spanky View Post
                      I'm on my 3rd draft and I'm still at 130 pages. I already envision this movie being slightly over 2 hours, but I'm a tad nervous about the sacred 108-120 rule.

                      Any advice?
                      3rd draft. Still at 130 pages. I see the movie at just over 2 hours, but I'm nervous about the sacred 108-120 rule. Advice?

                      (Do that to the entire script.)

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