V.O Question

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  • V.O Question

    In the screenplay I am working on a girl has a fantasy world she only sees the character she loves, however she also has a British Narrator in her mind. So would he have a v.o when he speaks?

  • #2
    Re: V.O Question

    What is the point of the British narrator? Why isn't it her doing the VO? You need a reason for it. If you're doing it just cause you think it would sound funny, I'd highly suggest not doing it. Because to make it sound funny you would need to understand the timing and verbiage of how to use VO correctly. Again, this is one of those building blocks of storytelling that may take years and years to get right or maybe not ever be able to do it effectively.

    If you reason in the British Narrator into the story, like she watched some obscure kids show when she was young and it had a British Announcer that never appeared in front of the camera and she had become mesmerized with what that guy may look like.

    If I were you, I'd go into the tank and just start a page one rewrite and do not even look or reference the old script. If you can't remember the moment in your head then it is not worthy of being in your script. The moments you really like you will never forget. Look at a calendar and make a page per day commitment. Three I think is fair for you and the script. In 35 days you will have the next draft on paper. You then can read and philosophize about it a little and then start another draft from scratch based on all the feedback on this one. I promise you, each draft will get better and better. You will discover plot points that are either better than what you have now or lacking all together. You should be able to peel through a draft every 40 days. In six months you'll a script that will have been written and philosophized about through five drafts.

    If what I am describing seems like too much work or you just can't find yourself sticking to the commitment then you'll have no shot. You'll never just tinker with the first draft and get somewhere. You'll be writing predictable and superficial crap for years and years to come then at like 30, you'll finally wake up and say to yourself, 'Wait a minute. I have to roll my god dam sleeves and dig deep down into a story, because it's obvious I've yet to do that'.

    You're 20 years old. I'm trying to give you something you probably wouldn't wake up to for 10 years. How do I know? Because I did it, I've watches other people here do it, and I've seen younger writers like yourself be setting out to do it therefor it is a safe assumption that it is just part of the maturity of the writer.

    If you start digging into scripts now, and start thinking of the first draft as only something that just needs to pour out of you, you can get yourself mentally set to dig in knowing that there are four more drafts coming in the next five months. Challenge and push creativity.

    When I woke up and realized that being a good writer meant making a commitment like this and not only sticking to it, but doing more than the minimum you have set, I found it harder and harder to make that commitment and you will too as you get older, especially if you aren't getting feedback from people (not friends or family) that you are writing stories of a decent quality.

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    • #3
      Re: V.O Question

      Wow.

      Back to the OP, yes:

      Code:
                Narrator (VO)
      Girl thought Crush's fear was
      unwarranted but wasn't sure. The
      nothingness of the fantasy realm
      nagged at her, too.
      Or something like that.

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      • #4
        Re: V.O Question

        Morgan Freeman, maybe?

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        • #5
          Re: V.O Question

          If she sees the British Narrator it's not V.O.

          If she doesn't see him or her, it is V.O.

          Bill
          Free Script Tips:
          http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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          • #6
            Re: V.O Question

            I'm also a bit worried by the presence of a non-protag VO. It's a little "bookish." The Neverending Story had some random guy narrating, but that was at the VERY END. Had he been yapping the whole film, an audience would pull their hair out.
            I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

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            • #7
              Re: V.O Question

              I was double checking that. I changed the British Narrator's character to a female so the V.O problem has been solved. I have been busy and I am excited to attend the scriptfest I took second in the Ultimate Logline contest in March. Here is the link to my free script coverage http://americanscriptfix.weebly.com/. I want everyone to succeed and improve your work. Even I need a fresh pair of eyes luckily my friend does an amazing job. Thanks for your time.

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              • #8
                Re: V.O Question

                Your giving coverage out to people?

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                • #9
                  Re: V.O Question

                  The non-character VO in Amelie works really well, because there you have a very whimsical, fantastical type of story. There's also The Royal Tenenbaums, which is set up to be a book. It's doable, but your story has to earn it.

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                  • #10
                    Re: V.O Question

                    Vicky Christina Barcelona has one, too.

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                    • #11
                      Re: V.O Question

                      Originally posted by Cyfress View Post
                      Your giving coverage out to people?
                      What's your credentials? Instinct tells me you get what you pay for.
                      I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

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                      • #12
                        Re: V.O Question

                        Thanks! I just realized that it made the story more isolated, so I removed it from the story. I wanted to give her fantasy world more ambiance. I don't get why you don't want free coverage. I will read your script and give you input to where to improve it. Everyone has to start from somewhere. Even Carson Reeves who started here. I want to do something to help writers. I told him my idea he said he was busy but he thought it was outside the box. I was surprised he even responded to my e-mail. I paid four hundred dollars to Scriptshark. They helped me a lot there was a night and day difference from the first draft to the second draft. My screenwriting has improved dramatically. However, I can't always afford a great service like that. I found this site and got some good feedback. However, I still feel something is lacking in the feedback offered. I want to give you notes on what to build on for free, without a negative spin. I will give you constructive feedback for free, and if you want to improve my script then great. I am offering something free to help writers.

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                        • #13
                          Re: V.O Question

                          I wouldn't recommend paying someone to cover your script for you where you are on the Journey right now. You're twenty. You paid script shark 400 bucks to read your script so you can do what with it? Writers do not sell at 20. In fact, if you bust your [email protected]@ the next eight years and really put in the time to learn and then observe the trial and error process that goes on with the degrees of execution that a quality script will need, you will look back at this moment and say to yourself that you can't believe you thought this piece of crap called a script ever had any market value.

                          Doesn't matter who reads your script and doesn't matter what they tell you, and they may be right, but that doesn't mean you will be able to execute. That takes time. Lots and lots of time. The only way to speed that process up is to practice doing it and also read well executed scripts. Even then it could take you a decade. So, spending 400 on coverage or anything really at this point is not a wise decision.

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                          • #14
                            Re: V.O Question

                            Originally posted by Cyfress View Post
                            Writers do not sell at 20.
                            Except when they do, like Josh Schwartz who sold his first one for half a million against a million at 21.

                            I know... he's not a fair example because he had advantages most people don't: his parents invented toys and he went to summer camp growing up. But the point is that even if this sort of thing isn't common, you can't say "people do not" and "you will not" because there are people do.

                            And besides, quit being such a downer. It's depressing. You can still be realistic without being patronizing and making everything you say sound like "we're out of food, we're out of water, we have no cell phone service, the car is dead, and there is no way I'm walking the quarter-mile to that gas station up the street... I'll die here instead."
                            Last edited by sbbn; 05-09-2015, 05:06 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Re: V.O Question

                              Well, if we were out of food and water, I don't think I'd be on here debating screenwriting practices.

                              It's not about being a downer. If a young writer reads my post and quits screenwriting for good, I probably saved him/her a lot of time and pain. For the writers that really want to make a go of it, I mean they are willing to make commitments to page counts and have tediously worked on their method of objectively editing their own material, then it will make that class of writer work that much harder. Quitting wouldn't even cross their minds.

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