Quiet Moments

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  • Quiet Moments

    So a Development person told me they really like my script but one of their notes was that I should have a few "quiet moments" between the characters to give the reader time to catch up. My story is a sci-fi thriller that picks up steam and doesn't stop.

    I guess I was looking for examples or ideas on what this looks like? I know it's sort of vague without knowing my script, but this is definitely a weak area in my writing. It's hard to imagine a scene where nothing happens or the plot isn't moved forward.

  • #2
    Re: Quiet Moments

    Originally posted by wsaunders View Post
    So a Development person told me they really like my script but one of their notes was that I should have a few "quiet moments" between the characters to give the reader time to catch up. My story is a sci-fi thriller that picks up steam and doesn't stop.

    I guess I was looking for examples or ideas on what this looks like? I know it's sort of vague without knowing my script, but this is definitely a weak area in my writing. It's hard to imagine a scene where nothing happens or the plot isn't moved forward.
    In Die Hard, when McClane is all alone with only one CB radio connecting him to the world, and Officer Powell opens up to him about getting busted down to desk-work because he shot a kid who was carrying a toy gun... that's a quiet moment between the characters in a thriller that picks up steam and doesn't stop.

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    • #3
      Re: Quiet Moments

      Thank you! I know I've seen them, but I was struggling to remember one. That's a great example!

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      • #4
        Re: Quiet Moments

        That moment comes back into play too at the end as Powell saves Mcclane by shooting the bad guy.

        Quiet moments don't have 'nothing happen'. Lots of great stuff needs to happen in those quiet moments.

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        • #5
          Re: Quiet Moments

          i think the 'quiet moment' in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN when Captain Miller is holding the map and all in his unit are focused on his shaking hand, is a SCREAMING LOUD quiet moment. great stuff.

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          • #6
            Re: Quiet Moments

            The DIE HARD example is a good one, but let me expand on this...

            If everyone is super, than no one is super... and if every scene is an exciting action scene, than no scene is an exciting action scene. Too much of a good thing. I think of pacing as a heartbeat - so imagine that EKG line going up and down with the beats of a heart. You don't want that line to be all "up" because that's as much of a flatline as all "down". You want the rhythm. The "up" beats are your action set pieces... but what are the "down" beats?

            Look at your emotional conflict story. In DIE HARD McClane has come to Los Angeles to reunite with his estranged with (and kids) for the holidays and drag them back to NYC with him. And that is part of the *action story* - it's organic. But the physical action conflict (battle with Hans & his army) has different beats than his story with Holly... and if you turn that McClane/Hans Action EKG upside down, the "down beats" now become "up beats"... and those "up beats" are the emotional conflict for McClane (the Holly story and his fears that he's outgunned and will die).

            And through those Emotional Conflict "up beats" McClane slowly comes to realize that Holly is her own person, and dragging her back to NYC isn't a very good plan. That scene with Powell is where he says: "Tell her that, um, she's the best thing that ever happened to a bum like me. She's heard me say 'I love you' a thousand times. She never heard me say 'I'm sorry.' I want you to tell her that, Al. Tell her that John said that he was sorry."

            That scene happens around the end of Act 2, and is a climax for his emotional conflict - he's figured out his plan to resolve his emotional conflict doesn't work and has figured out a new plan - let Holly be Holly.

            Think about that EKG... and how when you flip it it's the EKG for the emotional conflict.

            - Bill
            Free Script Tips:
            http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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            • #7
              Re: Quiet Moments

              Thanks Bill! Sound advice.

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              • #8
                Re: Quiet Moments

                You should have a quiet moment play out between two characters that are hard of hearing. That would play interesting on the page.

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                • #9
                  Re: Quiet Moments

                  A moment where two deaf characters sign each other - a quiet moment for them - but in the middle of a construction zone with jackhammers!

                  - Bill
                  Free Script Tips:
                  http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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                  • #10
                    Re: Quiet Moments

                    Originally posted by wsaunders View Post
                    So a Development person told me they really like my script but one of their notes was that I should have a few "quiet moments" between the characters to give the reader time to catch up. My story is a sci-fi thriller that picks up steam and doesn't stop.

                    I guess I was looking for examples or ideas on what this looks like? I know it's sort of vague without knowing my script, but this is definitely a weak area in my writing. It's hard to imagine a scene where nothing happens or the plot isn't moved forward.
                    Peaks and valleys. Action, then let it breath. Character scenes and B (C, D) stories can give you this.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Quiet Moments

                      Originally posted by wsaunders View Post
                      So a Development person told me they really like my script but one of their notes was that I should have a few "quiet moments" between the characters to give the reader time to catch up. My story is a sci-fi thriller that picks up steam and doesn't stop.

                      I guess I was looking for examples or ideas on what this looks like? I know it's sort of vague without knowing my script, but this is definitely a weak area in my writing. It's hard to imagine a scene where nothing happens or the plot isn't moved forward.
                      That's because quiet moments are critical for "moving the plot forward" -- because character development is happening in quiet moment as much as in action moments.

                      Okay -- one of the great "quiet moments" in a great action film -- the scene in Jaws when Quint recounts the sinking of the Indianapolis. This scene not only compares and contrasts these three -- with the showing of the scars -- it unfolds Quint's character, his obsession with killing sharks, and ends with that foreshadowing -- I'll never wear a life jacket again.

                      It's remarkable that in a great action adventure film (or horror film, or monster movie or whatever Jaws is), that one of the most memorable scenes in it is just a scene where three guys sit around talking.

                      And there are other great "quiet" scenes as well. Jaws is full of those moments. It's a study in how to create great characters in an action movie (if that's what it is) and the characters (large and small) are at the heart of what makes that movie work.

                      NMS

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                      • #12
                        Re: Quiet Moments

                        Think of some of those action movies where the action gets to be sooooooooo much that you just tune it out. You know the hero is not going to die, so it becomes just an elongated journey to a known outcome.

                        I find that happens a lot lately to me, where I don't need to pay attention to the movie because it is so much of the same thing that even amidst highly stylized special effects it almost becomes a bathroom break.

                        In those scenes throwing in some quiet moments, but meaningful ones that grab the attention back and emphasizes how important the fighting/action is, becomes a much needed thing.

                        We are in the 15 second instagram attention span world... 10 mins into action people forget why they are even fighting.
                        "We're going to be rich!" - 1/2 hr COMEDY written/directed/edited by me, I also act in it.
                        SUBTITLED
                        Episode 1 (Beef pills)
                        Episode 2 (African commercial)
                        Episode 3 (Brenda's rescue)

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                        • #13
                          Re: Quiet Moments

                          Robert has picked at the wall so hard his fingertips bleed.

                          ROBERT
                          And I've been stranded in the dark ever since. Now, I can't even remember my own daughter's name...

                          Tears start to well. Aidan places his hand on Robert's shoulder.

                          AIDAN
                          Her name is Marion. She is beautiful like her mother and smart like her father.

                          ROBERT
                          Marion... Please tell me more!

                          AIDAN
                          Do you remember the day we left for training? You were upstairs getting your bags, and I was sitting in your living room waiting. Marion came up and sat beside me. She was this little precocious four year old staring up at me. She told me she knew the world was ending, but she wasn't afraid.
                          "My daddy will find a new one," she said. It was as simple as that for her. Then she made me pinky swear that I'd follow your orders no matter what.

                          Robert breaks down. Aidan sits down beside him.

                          ROBERT
                          The darkness has stolen so much from me. I didn't think it could be reclaimed.

                          AIDAN
                          She's not lost to you. Nothing is lost as long as we have the Ruach Device. We will regain the ship and complete this mission. For Marion, and my Sarah.
                          So this is a rough draft of a quiet moment I was working on. This right after an action packed flashback sequence where we learn Robert's been stranded on this ship for the past 30 years by himself essentially.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Quiet Moments

                            Looks like i killed the thread :P

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                            • #15
                              Re: Quiet Moments

                              Reads a little flat to me. Off the cuff. Bolding words I don't think you need. Also my thoughts:

                              -----------------

                              Robert has picked at the wall so hard his fingertips bleed. [maybe this line makes sense combined with previous narrative.]

                              ROBERT
                              And I've been stranded in the dark ever since. Now, I can't even remember my own daughter's name...

                              Tears start to well. Aidan places his hand on Robert's shoulder. ["...the way a brother would" -- or something -- I think it's a missed opportunity to deliver more emotion]

                              AIDAN
                              Her name is Marion. She is beautiful like her mother and smart like her father. [this line feels pat to me -- how can you say more here?]

                              ROBERT
                              Marion... Please tell me more! [He repeats it as if hearing it for the first time. "Please tell me more!" feels like an unnecessary draw for the next line. It's implied.]

                              AIDAN
                              Do you remember [obviously he doesn't remember. Make it a statement as opposed to a question.] the day we left for training? You were upstairs getting your bags, and I was sitting in your living room waiting. Marion came up and sat beside me. She was this little precocious four year old staring up at me. She told me she knew the world was ending, but she wasn't afraid.
                              "My daddy will find a new one," she said [implied]. It was as simple as that for her. Then she made me pinky swear that I'd follow your orders no matter what.

                              Robert breaks down. Aidan sits down beside him. [you could do more with this line]

                              ROBERT
                              The darkness has stolen so much from me. I didn't think it could be reclaimed. [allow a good line the space it needs to be a good line]

                              AIDAN
                              She's not lost to you. Nothing is lost as long as we have the Ruach Device. We will regain the ship and complete this mission. For Marion, and my Sarah.

                              ------------------

                              Just my opinion. It could stand to be worked through a little more. Feels like exposition rather than two people sharing an experience.
                              DOPE CITY

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