I just received readers' comments from one of the biggest screenplay competitions. One of TV drama pilots got to the second round; others got some encouraging comments:
"The writer has created a humorous and entertaining world here that needs only minor revision to succeed.-
"Most of the time, the dialogue worked and moved the story forward. Just a little tightening would take it to the next level. Overall, it was an easy read.-
"This is a strong pilot. I am hard pressed to think of a scene that does not advance the plot or reveal character.-
So, this tightening (I am not from USA, have my limitations when it comes to Hollywood jargon) Do they mean to cut out something. I stayed with my TV pilots between 55-60 pages.
Another thing is my English. My writing style is my own, developed through the last couple of years. These comments mention twice grammatical mistakes:
"Another round of proofreading would be useful in fixing up a lot of typos, especially late in the script, where they were numerous enough to distract from the dialogue.-
And this one, which is more specific:
"It also might help to have a copy editor give this a quick look, because some of the articles ("a" and "the") are missing throughout (e.g., "Call ambulance!").
This one is from a sitcom and even more important from dialogue. Somehow, I always believed that dialogue should be punchy, original, short, and most importantly nothing like 100% correct grammatics.
People usually do not speak in full sentences, so cutting into them while leaving their meaning untouched seemed logical to me.
In this scene a police chief has just been battered to the ground by a kangaroo, right after the mayor crashed his car for which his wife will most probably castrate him (the police chief, not the kangaroo).
So, the chief is on the ground, winces in pain, one of his officers asks him "Should I arrest him?- - Meaning the kangaroo. What would be the appropriate response from a man who lies in pain on the ground:
"Oh, yeah, please do. And since you're here, would you call me an ambulance?-
Or simply: "Screw him. Call ambulance!-
This same script in a much worse condition managed to get into the second round in 2015 in another big screenplay competition.
Are these "a, an, the- really so important in dialogue? I leave them in if the dialogue does not sound logical to me without them, and cut them out if it sounds sharper, faster, punchier without them - and save a line or two on the page by that.
"The writer has created a humorous and entertaining world here that needs only minor revision to succeed.-
"Most of the time, the dialogue worked and moved the story forward. Just a little tightening would take it to the next level. Overall, it was an easy read.-
"This is a strong pilot. I am hard pressed to think of a scene that does not advance the plot or reveal character.-
So, this tightening (I am not from USA, have my limitations when it comes to Hollywood jargon) Do they mean to cut out something. I stayed with my TV pilots between 55-60 pages.
Another thing is my English. My writing style is my own, developed through the last couple of years. These comments mention twice grammatical mistakes:
"Another round of proofreading would be useful in fixing up a lot of typos, especially late in the script, where they were numerous enough to distract from the dialogue.-
And this one, which is more specific:
"It also might help to have a copy editor give this a quick look, because some of the articles ("a" and "the") are missing throughout (e.g., "Call ambulance!").
This one is from a sitcom and even more important from dialogue. Somehow, I always believed that dialogue should be punchy, original, short, and most importantly nothing like 100% correct grammatics.
People usually do not speak in full sentences, so cutting into them while leaving their meaning untouched seemed logical to me.
In this scene a police chief has just been battered to the ground by a kangaroo, right after the mayor crashed his car for which his wife will most probably castrate him (the police chief, not the kangaroo).
So, the chief is on the ground, winces in pain, one of his officers asks him "Should I arrest him?- - Meaning the kangaroo. What would be the appropriate response from a man who lies in pain on the ground:
"Oh, yeah, please do. And since you're here, would you call me an ambulance?-
Or simply: "Screw him. Call ambulance!-
This same script in a much worse condition managed to get into the second round in 2015 in another big screenplay competition.
Are these "a, an, the- really so important in dialogue? I leave them in if the dialogue does not sound logical to me without them, and cut them out if it sounds sharper, faster, punchier without them - and save a line or two on the page by that.
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