Logline/story focus confusion

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  • Logline/story focus confusion

    I'm trying to write a script that ... the hero of the story dies (suicide) and one of the surviving characters is left to tell the story. It is sort of based on the death of Yukio Mishima.So, I'm doing my best to write a sympathetic character who is misguided, but he is the hero. The one who lives and tells the tale is the witness to everything and everything is told through his lens.

    Because Americans done consider suicide to be an honorable act, my hero has a quick fall from grace in the end.

    So in my logline, do I focus on the hero who dies for what he believes in, or do I focus on the boy who is intentionally spared so he can tell the story? Oh, both boys are teenagers.
    I wasn't sure if this post went in Basics, Loglines or Screenwriting.

  • #2
    If the suicide occurs near the end of the script, there would be no reason to refer to it in the logline... and unless your entire story is told from the perspective of the "lives to tell the story" character, I wouldn't write the logline focusing on him/her. I mean, the logline for Hamlet wouldn't focus on Horatio.

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    • #3
      Personally I'd write the log from the standpoint of the viewpoint character. And make sure there's something big at stake for him so we can identify with him.

      Heroes can be hard to identify with anyway. They're just too... heroic. At least for me. I like my heroes soundly flawed.

      Horatio isn't the viewpoint character. Hamlet is.

      You might take a look at The Last Samurai. One could argue that Ken Watanabe's character was the hero, although Tom Cruise's character is the protag. Watanabe is totally cool (he stole the show), but he's not the protag, and the log wouldn't focus on him, it would focus on Cruise.

      Oh, and we will take suicide and consider it honorable if you set it up right. Take a look at TLS for that, too. Hey, look at Braveheart, for that matter. Or any movie where someone sacrifices himself for something he believes in.
      "Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.-
      ― Ray Bradbury

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      • #4
        Re: Logline/story focus confusion

        you may be having trouble with the logline -- and i realize i'm going out on a limb here, so if i'm wrong, just ignore it -- because the viewpoint character doesn't have a proper goal of his own. if you look at movies in which a living character is actually telling the story of someone who is dead, you find that they (usually) have a goal themselves, which drives the telling of the dead person's story.

        for instance, the two reporters in citizen kane are, throughout the movie, trying to discover the meaning of "rosebud"; and the executor of beethoven's will in immortal beloved is trying to discover who beethoven's "immortal beloved" was -- and it is in this way that the lives of the dead are revealed, through the unraveling of a mystery being solved by the living. it gives such stories an engine with which to propell themselves.

        and, as far as loglines go -- it also solves that problem: when beethoven dies, the executor of his will must find the mysterious person to whom...

        et cetera. i'm too tired and too drunk to write a proper logline.
        "Though he is a person to whom things do not happen, perhaps they may when he is on the other side."
        -- Edward Gorey, The Unstrung Harp

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        • #5
          Re: Logline/story focus confusion

          The logline should focus on the dramtic core of the story, which is the protagonist's dramatic journey.

          It doesn't matter who is telling the story, what matters is:

          who that story is about

          what that person does

          why they do it
          Fortune favors the bold - Virgil

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          • #6
            Re: Logline/story focus confusion

            It would be easier to help you if you actually shared your logline with us. My personal feeling is the sole purpose of a logline is to get the reader to want to know more about your story. And I can't determine that from what you've written. Also, I would like to point out that it is not necessarily Americans who are against suicide, it's mostly Baptists and Catholics. Now while they may represent a large portion of American society, it is not correct to say that "Americans" condemn suicide. It's more religious-based than nationality-based. Know what I mean?

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            • #7
              Re: Logline/story focus confusion

              EVERY religion considers suicide a "sin" (an unforgivable unacceptable act).

              Even the Koran is clearly against suicide (bombers or otherwise).

              Most religions honour the act of martyrdom but that is the willingness to die at the hands of an oppressor rather than renounce your faith. Martyrdom is NOT synonymous with suicide despite how some religious leaders have perverted and corrupted the religious texts to say it is.

              Back to the logline:

              In Shawshank Redemption, Red is telling Andy's story but it is ANDY'S story and it's his story that you would pitch in the logline.
              Fortune favors the bold - Virgil

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              • #8
                Re: Logline/story focus confusion

                in the beginning efforts at a log line, you may want to steer away from overthinking it. forget proper structure of a log line, what it should do and all of that stuff...for now.

                write a synopsis/summary of the story, however many pages and hours it takes to write it, and then...boil all of that down to one paragraph. we're talking work here.

                lot of good comes from that sort of thing. like exposed story flaws that signal needed major rewrites. but anyway, once your story is boxed into one paragraph, it's much easier to write a logline.

                or, can do something like-

                imagine you're in a hurry leaving a theatre where you have just watched your script on screen, and a friend in line outside waiting to see another movie asks you what you watched, what was it about and was it a good movie.

                what would you say in a big hurry responding to - "what's it about?"

                you're almost running toward your car. what would you yell over one shoulder? that's a good place to start with your log line. may even shake out without thinking...who and what the story is really about.

                helps a lot to know beforehand who and what your story is about, before you try to write a log line.

                good luck.
                Last edited by AnconRanger; 05-13-2005, 04:56 PM.

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                • #9
                  Re: Logline/story focus confusion

                  a logline should be precisely 27 words. one more word it's ovekill one fewer, not enough. do not disrupt the apple cart satan.

                  vig

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                  • #10
                    Re: Logline/story focus confusion

                    hailer hitler. 27 words. here's some soap, git oin the train. one at a time, step oin the train. soap for you.

                    vig

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                    • #11
                      Re: Logline/story focus confusion

                      Anybody who's anybody writes 28 word loglines. Get with the times, vig.
                      They cursed us forever, making us prefer dreams to lives.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Logline/story focus confusion

                        my mistake, it should be 28 words. who knew.

                        vig

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