Exercise in subtext

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  • Exercise in subtext

    (Not an original setup, but a fairly universal subject - I hope somebody tries it)

    A couple at dinner in a restaurant are having a discussion. One wants to get married, one does not. In the scene, neither may mention marriage directly (try to avoid direct euphemisms also). There must be a resolution in the end.

    Write the scene in less than 3 pages.

  • #2
    Re: Exercise in subtext

    INT. DINER - DAY

    HIM and HER sit in a vinyl booth looking over the menu.

    HIM
    I love corned beef.

    HER
    Hmmmm ...

    She looks up at him, makes eye contact.

    HIM
    In fact, I don't think I ever want to eat anything other than corned beef ever again.

    She looks down.

    HER
    I like variety in my meat.

    He stares at her. She does not look up.

    HIM
    (to passing waitress)
    Check, please.
    http://confoundedfilms.com

    http://www.myspace.com/confoundedfilms

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Exercise in subtext

      FADE IN:

      INT. DINER - DAY

      DEX, a handsome jock, and MARY, shy but pretty, share
      a table by the window. Small town traffic shuffles
      past outside.

      MARY
      My Mom says she'd like to
      meet you.

      DEX
      I'd like to meet her too.

      MARY
      She's just curious about you,
      that's all. After all the
      things I've told her.

      A well-stacked redhead WAITRESS arrives with pad
      and pencil.

      WAITRESS
      So what are we having?

      She eyes Dex with interest. Dex eyes her back.
      Mary's too busy looking at the menu to notice.

      MARY
      Apple pie, please.

      The Waitress looks at Dex. He hits her with a
      10,000-kilowatt smile.

      DEX
      Cheesecake. Strawberry.

      The Waitress smiles and writes it on her pad.

      WAITRESS
      Cheese... cake. Strawberry.

      MARY
      How does this weekend sound?

      WAITRESS
      (to Mary)
      Sorry, what did you want?

      MARY
      Apple pie.

      WAITRESS
      Got it.

      She writes it down.

      DEX
      (to Waitress)
      Thank you.

      WAITRESS
      My pleasure.

      She walks to the counter. Dex leans out and follows her
      Swiss watch movement. She looks back over her shoulder
      at him. Smiles.

      MARY
      So you're OK for dinner this
      Saturday, say around seven?

      DEX
      Sure. Is your Mom a good cook?

      MARY
      Actually, I thought I'd do
      the cooking. One of my
      recipes I've been saving for
      a special occasion.

      DEX
      What, is it your Mom's birthday
      or something?

      Mary reaches over the table, touches his hand.

      MARY
      No, silly.

      The Waitress leans over the counter to pass her order to
      the kitchen. Her short skirt rides up even higher. She
      looks back at Dex. His eyes are glued to her a$$, he's
      mesmerized. She smiles again.

      DEX
      Wonder what the cheesecake's
      like?

      MARY
      You know, it turns me on that
      you find other women attractive.

      Dex is caught with his mental pants down around his ankles.

      DEX
      Wh-wh-wh-say again?

      MARY
      I see you looking. And I think,
      it's great that he compares me
      with other women. We both know
      you could have anyone you want,
      Dex. But you picked me. I mean,
      wow. How lucky am I?

      DEX
      You've been a great help to me,
      Mary. What with helping me study
      for my exams and all...

      MARY
      It meant we could spend more time
      together. That's what I wanted
      most of all.

      DEX
      Look, Mary, there's something I've
      been wanting to say. That time you
      and me, uh, ended up in the sack.
      I was just a little drunk. What
      with the home team winning and all.

      MARY
      Not a single moment goes by but I
      don't think about that night. It was
      the most wonderful experience of my
      life. We didn't just make love, Dex.
      We fused together. We became one.
      You took me to heights I never knew
      existed. To realms far beyond my
      imagination.

      DEX
      Huh. There ya go.

      The Waitress brings Mary's apple pie and Dex's cheesecake.

      WAITRESS
      Enjoy.

      Dex notices something written on the corner of his napkin.
      A phone number. The Waitress winks. He tries to hide his
      smile from Mary.

      Oblivious, Mary sits back and carresses her stomach.

      MARY
      And now that we've made a child
      together, I think we should move
      on to the next step in our
      relationship.

      DEX
      Oh holy Jesus.

      WAITRESS
      Oh holy Jesus.

      The Waitress whips his napkin away and exits fast.

      Mary smiles radiantly, blissfully unaware.

      MARY
      I think apple pie will be good
      for the baby. Don't you?

      Dex slowly offers her his hand. She takes it.

      FADE OUT:

      -Derek
      Derek's Web Page - stories, screenplays, novels, insanity.
      "I'll bet any quantum mechanic in the service would give the rest of his life to fool around with this gadget." ~Chief Engineer Quinn, Forbidden Planet

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Exercise in subtext

        (Second attempt - first attempt felt too direct)

        INT. UPSCALE ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

        In a dimly lit restaurant, a mid-30s MAN in a navy blue suit and a slightly older WOMAN in a fiery-red knee-length dress sit across from each other, meals finished.

        A WAITER approaches.

        WAITER
        Would either of you care for coffee or dessert?

        MAN
        Yes, I'll have the -

        WOMAN
        He hasn't made up his mind yet.

        MAN
        But I want -

        WOMAN
        He's undecided. Still wants to sample a bit more. Play the field. Swing his bat around.

        Man gives woman a puzzled look.

        MAN
        I know exactly what I want.

        WOMAN
        You wouldn't. Even if the perfect thing crossed your eyes.

        WAITER
        Pardon me, but I'll return when you've decided what you want.

        WOMAN
        Don't hold your breath, he still lives with his momma.

        MAN
        Is this about us?

        WOMAN
        Clueless as usual.

        Woman dabs her lips daintily with a napkin and throws it down on the table.

        WOMAN
        No.

        MAN
        Okay, okay, I get it.

        Woman, bored, examines her nails then watches a couple at another table.

        MAN
        I've been thinking. And I know what the answer is. But promise that my mother is involved in all the preparations.

        Woman smiles. She strokes her legs against his underneath the table and whispers into his ear.

        WOMAN
        Now you can have dessert.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Exercise in subtext

          HIM
          The sushi here is excellent.

          HER
          I'm sure it is.

          HIM
          No, it's really the best.

          HER
          Cool.

          HIM
          (long pause)
          Do you want to go somewhere else?

          HER
          No, no, this is nice.

          HIM
          If you're not ready to try it--

          HER
          --no, I really do want to try it, I just--I mean, the prices--

          HIM
          (laughing)

          HER
          What?

          HIM
          Babe, I'm treating you. You know that.

          HER
          Yeah, I know. Sweetie...I just...I mean I don't want you to spend so much on me. Let me pay.

          HIM
          What? Nuh-uh. You said you never tried this stuff. I said I wanted to take you to the best place around for your first experience.

          HER
          That's really sweet. You're so sweet...but...

          HIM
          What.

          HER
          If it's my first...maybe it would make more sense to just pick some up at the corner store. Just a little bit. Then if I don't like it, it's much less of a big deal.

          HIM
          But it's OK if you don't like it. I'll still enjoy.

          HER
          And I'll just sit here and watch you eat?

          HIM
          No, I'll enjoy BEING WITH YOU.

          HER
          Can you, maybe...be with me somewhere, somewhere I can be sure that I'm going to enjoy the experience as much as you will?

          HIM
          I think so.

          They sit for some long, silent moments.

          He looks at the menu, then at her, as she eyes the door.

          HIM
          But not here?

          HER
          If you really want to.

          HIM
          Let's go.

          HER
          You sure?

          HIM
          Yep. Come on.

          HER
          Chinese?

          HIM
          (sighs)
          OK.

          HER
          And then the corner store. I want to try some Spicy Tuna rolls.

          He smiles, a broad, joyous smile. She returns it.

          HIM
          You got it.

          HER
          And ice cream.

          HIM
          Let's go.

          They get up.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Exercise in subtext

            Originally posted by voxel
            (Not an original setup, but a fairly universal subject - I hope somebody tries it)

            A couple at dinner in a restaurant are having a discussion. One wants to get married, one does not. In the scene, neither may mention marriage directly (try to avoid direct euphemisms also). There must be a resolution in the end.

            Write the scene in less than 3 pages.

            EXT. BAR BRONET - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT

            It's the Swinging 1960's in London's West End but here's a place that's dead classy, sandwiched between all the night lights. A White Jag pulls up and the royalty of the Underworld, Mr and Mrs London as it were, step out.


            INT. BAR BRONET - NIGHT

            George, slick backed hair, hunk of a gold medallion, dapper, oozing quality. George sits opposite Lisa, somewhat overly tarted up but keen to please.

            The night wraps around them in a dome of glass, they're the only 2 diners in this whole place. A waiter and a waitress on standby. A single violinist strikes up a chord.

            The Waitress brings candles. Lights them as the room lights dim.

            GEORGE
            What's all this for then?

            LISA
            You know how much I like candles.
            Sets the mood.


            George peruses the menu, unbuttoning his blazer.

            GEORGE
            God I'm starving.

            LISA
            We're good together me and you?
            Right? Aren't we? We don't fight.

            GEORGE
            Yes dear, that's what bothers me.
            (raising his voice for the waiter)
            I will have the pot lamb roast, swollen
            and your best bottle of bubbly. Your best.

            The Waiter nods.


            LISA
            I know what you're thinkin

            GEORGE
            No you don't.

            LISA
            I do.

            George folds his arms, sits back in his chair and winks at her.

            LISA
            You are thinkin..why am I here?

            GEORGE
            Go on.

            LISA
            Because it's a surprise. It's not your birthday,
            not my birthday, so why'd did she bring me
            here of all places. Tonight. You always pick
            the place don't you George? But not tonight.

            GEORGE
            Well it's definitely not our anniversary of
            anything dear, that's for bloody sure.
            (re-opening menu, muttering)
            Nor will it ever be.

            LISA
            What? What did you say?
            You're spoiling my night you know that?

            GEORGE
            Oh shut the **** up. I'm hungry and I want to eat.
            I just want to eat. Okay? Why do we have to
            always be communicating? Can't we just eat?

            LISA
            I sometimes wonder about you. If you're
            on the same level as me. Sometimes
            Georgie you tread on my feet, you should
            look where you're goin.

            GEORGE
            Well don't do that too often dear or you'll
            be needing pills. I know where I'm going,
            don't think you do. You must be kidding me
            if you're thinking of following me.

            In the distance, fireworks burst soundlessly against the night sky.

            LISA
            Well good luck then.

            GEORGE
            We're not even dancing to the same tune dear.
            Let alone dancing together. God why does
            every little we do have to mean something?

            The Waiter has returned with a bottle of wine. POPPING the cork. He begins to pour.

            LISA
            Because everything happens for a reason George.
            Even nothing means something. Alright?

            GEORGE
            Say again?

            Lisa opens her tiny purse on the table, a pistol. She points it at George.
            George spills his wine.


            LISA
            I love your brother.

            BANG.

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