Madness Madness Final Four Entries

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  • Madness Madness Final Four Entries

    UNTITLED (1 of 3)

    INT. RECORDING STUDIO
    Bobby Blues, propped on a stool, strums his guitar as he sings.

    (Daa dow dow dow.)

    BOBBY BLUES (Singing)
    My baby, she didn't leave me.
    (Daa dow dow dow)
    My job hired me back.
    (Daa dow dow dow)
    I gave up my drinking.
    Saw Virgin Mary on top my flapjacks...Sold it on Ebay.
    I got the...

    (Da dow da dow da dow. )

    A sour cord, then Bobby Blues cuts the song short.


    BOBBY BLUES
    I got nothing that's what I got.

    MR. PRODUCER
    Baby, what's the deal-e-o?


    BOBBY BLUES
    Who am I, I said who...am...I?


    MR. PRODUCER
    You're 5 time Grammy winning blues singer Bobby Blues, that's who you are baby.


    BOBBY BLUES
    So I know blues and this ain't blues.

    Mr. Producer puts his arm around Bobby Blues.

    MR. PRODUCER
    I've seen it before baby. All the good ones go through it. You just lost your inspiration.

    BOBBY BLUES
    There ain't nothing out there to make me sad. I'm a happy man Phil.


    MR. PRODUCER
    You're Bobby Blues baby. You got number one hits up the pie hole. Like, like "I Lost My Hubcap on I-10-. Or, or "Fat Broad Don't Never Cook for Me-. What was the other one? The song of the year?


    BOBBY BLUES
    "I Ain't Getting' No Colonoscopy-.


    MR. PRODUCER
    Yeah, that's it! If you're out of ideas, Blues are doomed baby.

    Bobby Blues shrugs his shoulders.

    MR. PRODUCER
    On Tuesday...what was his name? Your dog. The one who died.


    BOBBY BLUES
    Muddy Biscuits.

    MR. PRODUCER
    Inspiration baby. Draw from it.


    BOBBY BLUES
    Hell-of-a dog. Ol' Muddy didn't know when to shut up though. He'd keep me up all night with his howling. So I shot him.
    (Off producer's reaction)
    In the head.
    (Off producer's reaction)
    With poison tipped darts I shoot out of my harmonica. I keep it under my pillow for such emergencies.

    Bobby Blues strings a new tune.

    BOBBY BLUES (Singing)
    I murdered my hound dog, so I could catch some Z's. Ohhh I murdered my--

    Mr. Producer eases his hands down on the strings, stopping the song.

    MR. PRODUCER
    Last I checked you're a musician not a quarterback.
    sigpic

  • #2
    Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

    UNTITLED (2 of 3)

    (beat)
    What about your blues buddies? Anybody you worked with before.

    Bobby Blues dabbles with a few notes as they continue.

    BOBBY BLUES
    Corndog Willy, Three Finger Eddie, Fat Patch McGatch--

    MR. PRODUCER
    Yeah those guys. Now this might be a little out there or whatever, but can you borrow a sad moment?

    An angry string pluck cuts short the playing.


    BOBBY BLUES
    Bobby Blues doesn't steal sadness. Bobby Blues is talented enough to sing from his genuine motivation.

    MR. PRODUCER
    Then find a sad memory, a thought, anything. For the both of us.

    Bobby Blues retunes his guitar. A frown progresses to sniffles then to tears.

    MR. PRODUCER
    Holy crap we've got a winner. Lay it on me baby. What's the deal-e-o?

    BOBBY BLUES
    I was at the grocery store the other day. I grabbed some hot pockets. And I had a coupon. .50 cents off the ham and cheese or the chicken and broccoli. But when I got to the register I realized that...

    Bobby Blues breaks out a soulful guitar tune.

    BOBBY BLUES (Singing)
    My coupon had expired.
    Cashier said it ran out last May.
    Hot pocket coupon expired!
    On double coupon day!

    He ends with a collective set of guitar strums, combined with...

    BOBBY BLUES (Singing)
    Oh yeahaah!

    Mr. Producer shakes his head.


    BOBBY BLUES
    Not feelin' the pain? My inner torment? I really love hot pockets you know.


    BOBBY BLUES
    How 'bout a lil cross genre? Team up with that cool cat Moby. I'm talking a techno-blues collab.

    MR. PRODUCER
    Lord help us.

    Bobby Blues pushes a button. A Moby beat fills the studio.
    sigpic

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

      UNTITLED (3 of 3)

      BOBBY BLUES
      It's something people can dance to and at the same time drink their sorrows away.

      Bobby amps up stiff, jerky blues movement.

      BOBBY BLUES (Singing)
      Cause we're all made of stars. Cause we're all made of stars.

      Bobby breaks out a glow stick in one hand, harmonica in the other. He continues his jerky blues dance adding his combined techno beat-harmonica play.

      Mr Producer slaps Bobby, strips him of his stick and harmonica, then slaps him again. The music abomination stops.

      BOBBY BLUES
      Thanks.

      He slaps him again.

      MR. PRODUCER
      That was for thinking Moby's cool.

      MR. PRODUCER
      Look. Bobby. All good things come to an end at some point.

      Bobby plops into a seat.

      MR. PRODUCER
      You squeeze out a bunch of hits, enjoy the legendary fame. Then you start to fade. Next thing you know you're coked up, shaving your head, and hanging babies out the window. It's like the unwritten law of music stardom.

      BOBBY BLUES.
      I don't want to shave my head. I just want to play. Play and be miserable. I got the no blues, blues.

      The idea strikes them both simultaneously.

      INT. CONCERT ARENA.

      Fans are jamming as Bobby Blues plays his latest hit on stage.


      BOBBY BLUES
      I got the...no blues, blueeeeeeeeeees!

      (Da da-da da-da da-da da da-da)
      sigpic

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

        Brainstorming: The Sequel

        FADE IN:

        INT. FILM STUDIO BOARD ROOM - NIGHT

        A large room, various men and women in business attire. The STUDIO PRESIDENT - old, bald, smoker's voice - stands up and makes his way to the front of the room.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        Alright people, times are tough. The dollar doesn't go nearly as far as it used to, and much of the American public is strapped for cash. They're staying home more and more, so we've got to do something to force them back to the theaters. It's time for a brainstorm and I'm open to any and all ideas, so let's hear it.

        Everyone in the room stares, quiet.

        After a few seconds, STUDIO EXEC #1 speaks up.

        STUDIO EXEC #1
        Sir, I think I've got it.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        Go ahead.

        STUDIO EXEC #1
        Well, we've always seemed to do well with sequels. I think it may be a good idea to try that hat on for size with a few movies that no one ever expected a sequel for.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        My God. Do you brilliant minds have any specific ideas?

        Blank stars

        Finally, YOUNG STUDIO EXEC #2 stands.

        STUDIO EXEC #2
        Ummm, s-s-sir, I've been tossing around an idea in my head for the past few months. Do any of you remember Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ-?

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        Yeah, sure, the Jesus picture. A sequel has money all over it, but Mel has the rights to the story.

        STUDIO EXEC #1
        Mel has the rights to the Holy Bible?

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        According to him, yes. He said so last week in Variety.

        STUDIO EXEC #2
        That's what I was thinking too, but I think I've got a way around it! Get this - "Joseph Smith's The Passion of the Christ 2: Coming to America-. There's an entire book out there called the Book of Mormon, and it all takes place after the events in Gibson's Passion.

        The Studio President's jaw drops.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        By God, that just may be the most brilliant idea in the history of tinsel town. And I green lit Weekend to Bernies 2!

        The studio exec #2 smiles.

        Everyone in the room stands, cheering, applauding in approval.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT (CONT'D)
        Now calm down everyone, we still have a lot of work to do. Young man, I expect the first draft on my desk in one week. Now, anyone else with a sure bet of an idea?

        The suits chatter back and forth, but no one speaks out.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT (CONT'D)
        I'm sure there's at least one more money idea out there. Come on, anyone, this is your chance to prove yourself!

        STUDIO EXEC #3
        "Kill Bill...Again: Back From the Dead-? "Memento 2: Where Was I-? "Groundhog Day: Groundhog Day-?

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        Yes, yes, yes! We're on a roll now!

        STUDIO EXEC #4
        "American History XI-?

        Silence.

        A few of the suits start to crack up.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        "American History X- wasn't the tenth film in a series you moron.

        He pauses.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT (CONT'D)
        Then again, there's a high percentage of morons out there so I'm sure they'd think the same thing. Then, when they go back and try to find parts 1 through 9, we can go back and create them and we'll have that much larger of a fan base. It worked for Star Wars Episodes 1-3 and those movies were horrible!

        Once again, the applause of approval breaks out.

        STUDIO PRESIDENT (CONT'D)
        Guys, I think we've accomplished a great deal tonight. I'm not one to exaggerate, but I think it's safe to say that we have single-handedly saved Hollywood here tonight, not to mention civilization itself.

        STUDIO EXEC #3
        I totally agree sir!

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        Alright, let's take this home. I think we have the second half of the year lined up, but we should think up at least one more idea. Something to appeal to the older crowd. We can't ignore them in all of this.

        STUDIO EXEC #5
        "The Birth of a Nation: Afterbirth-!

        STUDIO PRESIDENT
        (beat)
        You, sir, have just been promoted to Vice President!

        Everyone cheers, huging one another, as tears of joy begin to stream down their faces.

        FADE OUT.

        THE END
        sigpic

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        • #5
          Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

          DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

          EXT. KNOTT'S BERRY FARM - DAY

          A red carpet has been rolled out at Knot's Berry Farm for the lunch of a new dairy drink called, Milk It! Photographers are poised to capture the guests as they walk down the red carpet. There are some family observers watching the mayhem.

          Focus in on VALERIE (20's) taking notes on the red carpet. A celebrity figure in a red dress is walking away from her. She hands the notes to an ASSISTANT (20's) on the sideline. The assistant walks behind the photogs.

          ASSISTANT
          OK guys, this is Shar Jackson.

          Te celebrity in the red dress, SHAR JACKSON turns and poses in front of the photographers and shines a ritzy grin.

          Valerie has already moved on to the next celebrity, OMAROSA.

          VALERIE
          Hi. Your name please.

          OMAROSA
          Omarosa.

          VALERIE
          No last name?

          OMAROSA
          Just Omarosa.

          Valerie writes notes on a piece of paper and hands it to the assistant. She hands the paper to the assistant and turns to face the next celebrity. The assistant walks over to the photographers.

          ASSISTANT (O.S.)
          Omarosa

          We can hear flash bulbs popping and shutters clicking.

          VALERIE
          Hi. Your name please.

          Valerie looks up and realizes it is SANJAYA.

          VALERIE (CONT'D)
          Oh... Sanjaya. Hi. I got your name.

          Valerie gives him a gentle smile and passes the paper on to the assistant. She turns to the next celebrity.

          VALERIE (CONT'D)
          Hi. Your name please.

          ASSISTANT (O.S.)
          Sanjaya

          We can hear shutters clicking and people calling out to Sanjaya. The next celebrity, LEAH THOMPSON is staring at Valerie. Valerie stares blankly back.

          VALERIE
          Name?

          LEAH THOMPSON
          Don't you know who I am?

          VALERIE
          Look I just need you name for the photogs.

          LEAH THOMPSON
          Seriously... Howard The Duck... Space Camp....

          VALERIE
          Look lady. I just have to put your name down and give it to the photographers.

          LEAH THOMPSON
          Seriously, you know who this Sanjaya is, but you can't even guess my name?

          VALERIE
          You look familiar, but you are wasting time here. Those movies came out before I was born. And you haven't been in anything memorable since then.

          Valerie and Leah look at each other, neither backing down. Valerie turns to the next celebrity. Leah realizes she is missing her chance for an adequate photo opp.

          LEAH THOMPSON
          Leah Thompson! I'm Leah Thompson.

          Valerie turns back to her.

          VALERIE
          Fine. Leah Thompson.

          Valerie tears off the note and hands it to the Assistant.

          LEAH THOMPSON
          I was on TV too. Caroline in the City?

          Valerie has already moved on to the next celebrity. Leah looks frustrated as cameras are going off.
          ASSISTANT
          Leah Thompson.

          Leah realizes that she is not posing for the cameras. She kicks in a pose just as the cameras turn to the next celebrity.

          ASSISTANT (CONT'D)
          Pauly Shore.

          Photographers start shooting pictures and PAULY SHORE is posing and smiling with sunglasses on.

          BLACK OUT.
          sigpic

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          • #6
            Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

            DR. PHIL'S CELEBRITY REHAB

            CLOSE ON Dr. Phil McGraw, the famous TV show psychologist. He's a good sized man with a mustache, shiny bald head, friendly face and a strong Texas drawl.

            DR. PHIL
            First off, I'm just pleased as punch that y'all are takin' this first step towards recovery.

            Off screen the sound of someone snorting something is heard.

            DR. PHIL (CONT'D)
            What the hell...

            Rolling Stones' guitarist, KEITH RICHARDS, holds a small mirror, and on it, a couple torn packets of sugar.

            KETIH RICHARDS
            Don't worry mate, it's just sugar.

            DR. PHIL
            Well, why don't you take a moment to introduce yourself to the group and tell us about your addiction.

            Keith Richards lights a cigarette. He looks intoxicated and his speech is slurred.

            KETIH RICHARDS
            (laughs)
            Well, if you don't bloody know who I am mate, you must be
            (mumbles incomprehensibly)

            Keith sits their smoking a cigarette and appears to nod off.

            DR. PHIL
            Why are you here Keith?

            Keith perks up.

            KETIH RICHARDS
            Uh...mate, I thought this was the needle exchange club.

            DR. PHIL
            I'll tell you why you're here Mr. Rock N' Roll. You've abused your body with drugs and alcohol for years, and quite frankly, you look like a piece of Texas horse turd.

            Keith takes a puff of his cigarette, flicks it on to the ground, and folds his arms on his chest.

            KETIH RICHARDS
            I get more p*ssy than you.

            DR. PHIL
            Yeah...nasty ass, groupie, skank p*ssy.

            COREY FELDMAN, sitting next to Richards, stands up to give Dr. Phil a high-five.

            COREY FELDMAN
            Oh yeah, Dr. Phil, give it up.

            Dr. Phil looks at Corey strangely and Corey awkwardly sits down. Dr. Phil then looks at his notes for a second.

            DR. PHIL
            I'm sorry, I don't have you on my list, who are you?

            COREY FELDMAN
            Who am I? Who am I? I'm Corey Feldman.

            Dr. Phil stares blankly at Corey.

            COREY FELDMAN (CONT'D)
            I starred in hit movies like Lost Boys, Stand By Me, and The Goonies.

            Dr. Phil ponders for a second then his face brightens up.

            DR. PHIL
            Chunk! You're Chunk from The Goonies! I love that movie!
            (chuckles)

            COREY FELDMAN
            No, I wasn't Chunk, I played--

            Dr. Phil interrupts.

            DR. PHIL
            --Ok, doesn't matter. So, why are you here?

            COREY FELDMAN
            Well, I've been in and out of rehab for twenty years and--

            Dr. Phil interrupts.

            DR. PHIL
            --Great, thanks Chunk. Lastly we have Ms. Britney Spears.

            BRITNEY SPEARS sits in a chair next to Corey. Her head is shaved, she's wearing a hooded sweatshirt and she weighs a bloated 200 pounds.

            DR. PHIL (CONT'D)
            I've been working with Britney for quite some time now and she's been just a darlin'.

            BRITNEY
            I hate you!

            DR. PHIL
            Britney's come a long way since her drugged out, party girl, Tijuana donkey show days. In fact, her only addiction now is food.

            BRITNEY
            Gimme a f*cking burrito! I'm starving!

            DR. PHIL
            Hold on there sweetie, you know you're on a strict diet.

            BRITNEY
            I'm not fat!

            DR. PHIL
            (chuckles)
            Whoa, another twenty pounds and you could join a travelin' side show.

            BRITNEY
            You think you're so smart and stuff because your like a doctor and you read lots of books and...stuff.

            DR. PHIL
            Let's get one thing straight, darlin'. I'm from Texas, I don't read books, I stare them down until I get the information I want.

            BRITNEY
            I'll suck your d*ck for a cheesburger.

            DR. PHIL
            Britney! I thought we were past that.

            Corey Feldman leans over to Britney.

            COREY FELDMAN
            What would ya do if I throw in fries and a milk shake?

            Britney licks her lips.

            DR. PHIL
            Shut up Goonie boy.

            Keith Richard's shirt starts to smoke from the lit cigarette that has fallen from his mouth to his chest. He collapses to the ground and Dr. Phil gets off his chair to help him.

            DR. PHIL (CONT'D)
            Keith!

            The Fire alarm goes off and the ceiling sprinklers turn on. Corey grabs Britney's hand and they run from their chairs towards the door.

            COREY FELDMAN
            C'mon Britney, I gotta hook up at Mickey D's!
            sigpic

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

              "untitled"

              Vs.

              "brainstorming: The Sequel"


              "don't You Know Who I Am"

              Vs.

              "dr. Phil's Celebrity Rehab"
              sigpic

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              • #8
                Re: Madness Madness Final Four Entries

                when are votes due?
                If Lindsey Lohan has a child, and that child will lead...I will follow.

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