Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

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  • #31
    Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

    This insanity is winding down now like a contented cat, winding down faster than something that winds down extremely quickly indeed, but because writers who entered this time are still turning up like a festival crowd who just wants more, hanging about, reading, loitering, perambulating, bantering, jaywalking...

    ...and especially because this thread is a very quiet place indeed when the white hot heat of a contest has dimmed and when a contest isn't up and running and -- okay, okay, Warrior, get on with it -- yes, well, cough, ahem -- please note gentle folks and not so gentle folks, that we will reappear and set up the annual:-


    "HALLOWEEN WRITING EXERCISE" in October 2013...


    We're likely to announce this weeks ahead, around early October 2013, or I may even set up a "FORTHCOMING" banner in late September 2013... so please note your calendars, cancel any holidays, book leave from work and do whatever you have to do to be here! It's going to be spooky and chilling and as creepy as hell this year, you may even feel a cold breath upon your cheek... but that won't be me!

    Until then... adieu, adieu, adieu, remember us!
    .
    Last edited by The Road Warrior; 05-01-2013, 12:59 AM.
    Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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    • #32
      Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

      Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
      Well spotted, dammit. That was the huge weak spot (there are others, but this was the big one)
      Got to say, the idea of a droid investigating droid murders because no one else cares is potentially feature worthy... Blade Runner, but from the replicant's POV.

      Originally posted by The Road Warrior View Post
      ...and because I very nearly gave Judas my first vote
      ... always the bridesmaid

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      • #33
        Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

        Originally posted by karlosd View Post
        Got to say, the idea of a droid investigating droid murders because no one else cares is potentially feature worthy... Blade Runner, but from the replicant's POV.
        [boredom warning] Heh, that's actually the kind of Sci-Fi that I write, I've got a couple of WIPs with humaniform androids and also clunkier robots swirling around. Plus I might adapt a couple of my Sci-Fi webcomics into scripts if and when I have the time. Blame it on Isaac Asimov, whose robot stories messed with my young head. [/boredom warning]

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        • #34
          Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

          Originally posted by karlosd View Post
          Got to say, the idea of a droid investigating droid murders because no one else cares is potentially feature worthy... Blade Runner, but from the replicant's POV.
          According to Scott, Blade Runner is from the replicant's POV (which I never thought made much sense but whatever).

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          • #35
            Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

            Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
            [boredom warning] Heh, that's actually the kind of Sci-Fi that I write, I've got a couple of WIPs with humaniform androids and also clunkier robots swirling around. Plus I might adapt a couple of my Sci-Fi webcomics into scripts if and when I have the time. Blame it on Isaac Asimov, whose robot stories messed with my young head. [/boredom warning]
            It's probably more of a side story or a short story, but you could potentially take on some social issues with a robot homicide detective. Kind of like Alien Nation.

            Maybe it needs to be a human cop and his robot partner and together they learn....well, I don't know.
            On Twitter @DeadManSkipping

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            • #36
              Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

              Originally posted by ctp View Post
              According to Scott, Blade Runner is from the replicant's POV (which I never thought made much sense but whatever).
              I'd read the theories about Deckard being a replicant who didn't know, set a thief to catch a thief, but his history with the police department made me wonder about his lifespan, and his poor showing against Batty when it came down to the nitty gritty doesn't support this idea either. Ridley, you minx, you.

              Originally posted by Mr. Earth View Post
              It's probably more of a side story or a short story, but you could potentially take on some social issues with a robot homicide detective. Kind of like Alien Nation.

              Maybe it needs to be a human cop and his robot partner and together they learn....well, I don't know.
              Got a feeling that's been done (maybe even a '70s TV series) but if I did a take on the partner idea, the robot would be a female model (possibly an ex-pleasure drone with an upgrade) and the human cop would be distracted at the worst possible moments.

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              • #37
                Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                That could be funny.

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                • #38
                  Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                  I was only able to read the first 9 shorts then life got in the way. That's why I didn't vote. I took very weak piddling notes as I went (below) and of those 9 I liked Shooter the best.

                  Notes:

                  The Dark Fairy -- more in the horror genre than noir. I was also confused about the relationships between Skinny Girl, Eva and the young girl, Lily. In the opening scene, Eva tells Skinny Girl Lily will go into foster care. I thought -- but was unsure -- Skinny Girl was Lily's mother who had lost custody. But later we see Lily living with Eva and the child calling her "Mom." It confused me.

                  Judas -- the twist was fun and the Passion Play motif was interesting. Nice job.

                  Dark Eyes -- I really liked the woman in the opening sceme. Burning legs off the roach? Whoa -- a great femme fatale. But then she disappears and he's in Catholic school? I didn't get it.
                  Red and White -- For me, the dialogue didn't live up to the premise. I wanted a little more cat and mouse dialogue before he was drugged. .

                  The Ends -- I like the futuristic noir concept and it held my interest through the first scene and short second scene. After that, the dialogue -- and there was a lot of it -- seemed to go downhill. Too chatty. Too heard-it-before. When Burke is in the apartment I got lost a bit. Then the bad guy shoots him. It was a bit muddled for me.


                  Infantale -- The lead boy's dialogue sounds more like a 12-year-old than a 3-year-old. I can't imagine a 3-year old saying, "I wish I could be so easily entertained" or using the word, monotony. Perhaps this was the intention a-la Look Who's Talking but it didn't work for me.

                  The Art Heist --Not quite noir. Some interesting dialogue. But plot was a bit convenient. Why would Nate return to a woman he assaulted at a party where he can easily be subdued when she cries foul?

                  Shooter -- Liked it a lot.

                  We See -- Clever but - ummm -- I don't know.
                  Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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                  • #39
                    Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                    Ok. I'm gonna be the a$$hole...

                    Most of these were not good (for the record, I think mine are so-so). I understand there's some experimentation and a desire to think outside the box, but there's a reason we're amateurs. The proof's in the entries.

                    I say this 'cause we're being too nice to ourselves, and there's probably another, better reason why people didn't vote.

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                    • #40
                      Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                      thanks for your comments on my entry (The ends). Unfortunately I didn't vote, my PC crashed and is still in the shop.

                      One thing seems clear, I tried setting up a new world in those 8 pages and missed.

                      So is there any interest in a five page competition where you establish a new world, I guess either SciFi or fantasy?

                      Maybe starting after my PC resumes its rightful place...
                      I heard the starting gun


                      sigpic

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                      • #41
                        Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                        My script was "Neither Here Noir There" Always ahead of the pack, it's what I do...Everybody else fall back behind where you belong and recognize...

                        Warrior, Dp, congrats, homies, on hosting a fun contest...Much luh to you two...

                        Congrats on winning, Dp...I don't even know how many of these you've won already...

                        Corona
                        I love you, Reyna . . .

                        Brown-Balled by the Hollywood Clika

                        Latino Heart Project's MEXICAN HEART...ATTACK!
                        I ain't no punk b1tch...

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                        • #42
                          Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                          Originally posted by Richmond Weems View Post
                          Ok. I'm gonna be the a$$hole...

                          Most of these were not good (for the record, I think mine are so-so). I understand there's some experimentation and a desire to think outside the box, but there's a reason we're amateurs. The proof's in the entries.

                          I say this 'cause we're being too nice to ourselves, and there's probably another, better reason why people didn't vote.
                          No, this is fine. I'd give myself about 2/10 for my entries. They were rushed, and so forth, it's a fraction of what I've got, taking my time, but I expect some of this, in a rushed contest.

                          Are we becoming complacent folks?

                          Please discuss!
                          Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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                          • #43
                            Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                            Thanks for your comments, sc111, sorry you ran out of time.

                            Jcorona, you could'a been a contender. This is my disappointed face.

                            Yeah I've no problem with a healthy dose of reality slapping me hard. The contest was fun, the many variants were amusing, but I don't think for one moment that an honest-to-god director looking to actually shoot a Noir film would whoop at finding gold here. [Edit: that sounds a lot shittier than intended. Not meant to be. Just bein' honest, my personal opinion, etc.]

                            A few chuckles and fleeting sense of camaraderie (group hug! ) is the best we could have hoped for, I think.
                            Last edited by dpaterso; 05-01-2013, 11:33 PM.

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                            • #44
                              Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                              Congrats to all who competed, and to Derek for his victory!

                              I wanted to participate as a contestant, but - alas! - I got caught up in some work. Maybe next time.

                              "The fact that you have seen professionals write poorly is no reason for you to imitate them." - ComicBent.

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                              • #45
                                Re: Results - "Dangerous Dames" Noir contest 2013

                                Originally posted by Jcorona View Post
                                My script was "Neither Here Noir There" Always ahead of the pack, it's what I do...Everybody else fall back behind where you belong and recognize...

                                Warrior, Dp, congrats, homies, on hosting a fun contest...Much luh to you two...

                                Congrats on winning, Dp...I don't even know how many of these you've won already...

                                Corona

                                Yeah, I thought, ahh, no JC in the line up!
                                Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

                                Comment

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