Results - Halloween 2013 contest

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  • #31
    Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

    Originally posted by Mr. Earth View Post
    I like references like that, but I think I was referring to the house before they got there where it was just listed as "two hundred something." Just one of those silly notes where I thought, "Hmm, what would that two hundred something actually be on screen. If we end up at 237, should it be higher or lower?" A very small markdown to be sure, but still something that gave me a hiccup.
    ahh, naw, it's great to get called out on something like that, I left it in, and earlier, yes, "two hundred and something..." and it felt wrong, as it was a gimmick move, we sometimes like to pay homage, but it's unnatural and forced to do so for the most part I'm beginning to think.
    Too many injokes spoil the broth, type of thing.

    Your notes are really on the money by the way, using both yours and Karl's and Jais, for orientation, to cross-cehck with my own and memory/the gut impressions.
    Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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    • #32
      Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

      Originally posted by The Road Warrior View Post
      Your notes are really on the money by the way, using both yours and Karl's and Jais, for orientation, to cross-cehck with my own and memory/the gut impressions.
      I really appreciate that.

      I don't expect everyone to give thorough notes, but it is fun to see how others react and how many times people agree. It's also fun to see when someone is way off on what a story or element is about, justified or not.
      On Twitter @DeadManSkipping

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      • #33
        Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

        Un-fricken-believable. I just spent an hour typing up my notes and the system had logged me out in the meantime, meaning my brilliance was lost to the nether.
        Maybe I'll get time to post them again later.
        I chose Steve, Butterflies, and Picky for my winners.
        If anyone would like some notes on their entry, please feel free to PM me.
        Sorry.
        SL35
        Potent dreamer. Newb disclaimer.

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        • #34
          Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

          Originally posted by Silverlynx35 View Post
          Un-fricken-believable. I just spent an hour typing up my notes and the system had logged me out in the meantime, meaning my brilliance was lost to the nether.
          Maybe I'll get time to post them again later.
          I chose Steve, Butterflies, and Picky for my winners.
          If anyone would like some notes on their entry, please feel free to PM me.
          Sorry.
          Oh, damn, it's a tough call, typing in here, Save... save... save... after each entry. It [the system] will eject you like a drunk from a club, otherwise!
          Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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          • #35
            Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

            Quite honestly, it probably saved a lot of people from saying, "What the hell is this guy talking about?"
            SL35
            Potent dreamer. Newb disclaimer.

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            • #36
              Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

              Ahh, no, should just go for it. Honesty is much appreciated.
              Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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              • #37
                Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                Too late to help you now, but I type larger messages in Notepad2 and copy/paste from there into the message editor window. And I also got myself into the habit of hitting Ctrl-A to highlight text then Ctrl-C to copy to clipboard so I can always recover, just in case the board has a last-second hiccup when I hit the button.

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                • #38
                  Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                  HIT THE LIMIT OF WORDS...

                  in my earlier review...

                  FEEDBACK PART 2
                  THE CONTINUATION...


                  Satan's Moon

                  Whose moon?
                  SATAN'S... you dolt Warrior, now that title hit me, but it was coming on a bit strong for me, Satan being such a strong and unique word in the canon.
                  Now, this was well written and along with Danse Macabre, I had it down as Dpats second entry, and so I was wrong yet again. This was in my top 6 or 7, but where to place it, ahh, it had to take a lower position because although the writer can cleary write, it felt a touch more conventional than some of the others, and I had to reject something. That's my excuse.
                  But the careful drafting and intelligence behind the piece came over, so looking forward to seeing more from this writer, if he can endure entering our dangerous little competition in the future.

                  I also read entries out of order, working in from the front and end, so Satan's Moon may have suffered form my being a little befuddled, when I was attempting to assess it.

                  Picky

                  This was bonkers, and that was a good thing. I couldn't include it in my votes, as it was too far out of the sort of criteria I was following, but it had good action lines and dialogue, but not too sure if the early atmosphere and set up was leading to anything. I was left asking, okay, this could work in another genre, or competition, if you only saw the first few pages, so there was a lack of a sign post, early on, and this is what stumped me, how do I award this merit?
                  And so I did, but it was for control/dialogue, tricky one judging the Picky one.
                  .

                  Requiem

                  undeniably MILF, that line got me, but unfortunately it was a slap in the face and seemed out of place. The story began with controlled, even sensuous, in the sense that I was being ushered in to the writing, but the tone was off a little, and the dialogue, again, for me at least, to my ear: OTN.
                  Still, something was afoot and liked the bags being opened, and that kept me reading despite tonal issues threatening to again, dump me oustside on the sidewalk again.

                  Versus

                  This threw me, now, what have we here, SF, and it was detailed, good description, and although the action descript was good, I was beginning to get lost, a little early on, half an ear on the story, but brain attempting to orientate to genre, what is this. And then the dialogue broke down a little, that followed the fed ex store comments, a little confused here btw, where you mention word 'store' twice,
                  and then the characters were flatlining a little, in terms of really getting a feel for who each of these kids were. That said, guts displayed in attempting to set it in a MALL and not following the rest of us up and down rainy streets, in our pointy hats.

                  Again, I think reader fatigue was kicking in and if I was not on the money with what this was up to, I'd run out of juice. Good opening, hope to see more in from this writer.

                  I think that is it, I've attempted to go with gut, say where I was confused, or not up to the task of judging, and these are impressions based upon how the entries struck me. I mentioned confidence/writing abilty here and there, but if I missed that out of a review, it was because I wanted to drive at what was happening, and tone, etc, rather than just the stylistics.

                  Phew, I'm bushed, this system isn't easy to type in to.

                  And I've been watching an Elvis docuimentary, it's not my thing, but it is at least a good Friday --TV white noise-- approach.
                  My disclaimer, I've attempted to get these right, but the sheer weight of entries means that this feedback is the best job I can do without editing it, so mistakes and misperceptions should be factored in, there's lots of detail I've missed, I'm sure of that. Thanks.

                  Adieu.
                  Last edited by The Road Warrior; 11-09-2013, 01:45 AM.
                  Forthcoming: The Annual, "I JUST GOT DUMPED" Valentine's Short Screenplay Writing Competition. Keep an eye on Writing Exercises.

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                  • #39
                    Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                    Thanks Dpat, RW, Mr. Earth and especially Jai for your in-depth analyses (Jai, you have no life ) But I worry many of the comments will go unheeded. A lot of the stories were thrown together and space/time constraints prevented proper setup, backstory and plot. However, notes on dialogue are always relevant.

                    P.S. As for the logic issues to my story, I'm going to vehemently defend them:

                    a) Mass = Earth weight / 2.2 b) Joe was just about to grab a bum off the street before the boys inadvertently showed up. c) Magic necklaces by definition do magical things <-- I'm really not seeing what's so problematic about this one.
                    I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

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                    • #40
                      Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                      Thanks for the feedback guys!! I literally wrote both of these at work (on notebook paper) then typed them up once I got home. They are rough drafts (I'm not sure I even checked the spelling) but I just wanted to enter this year's contest.
                      I'm determined to do better, and take my time, next year.

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                      • #41
                        Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                        Congrats to all.


                        Jon Jay and DangoForth have got 50 page reads, each available to them from Benderspinks Daniel Vang.


                        Now for the tie for first place. I say we throw these guys in a ring with chainsaws, and let Darwin sort it out.


                        Who's with me?

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                        • #42
                          Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                          Originally posted by Mark Somers View Post
                          Now for the tie for first place. I say we throw these guys in a ring with chainsaws, and let Darwin sort it out.
                          I dunno. I'm thinking leaf blowers would make for a more interesting spectacle.

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                          • #43
                            Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                            Congrats to all!

                            I had 1. Doughboy 2. Steve and 3. Potter's Field

                            Doughboy was to me the most originally creepy and horrific of all the submissions.

                            But Richmond, you sick puppy, any and all suspicions were confirmed. I should have known Steve was yours.

                            As for mine, I knew it wasn't horror, per se, but once I conceived the idea (during the last week of October) I just went with it. I would have submitted another entry closer to genre, but had no time. I'll shelve that one for now. Thanks for the notes.

                            And a big thanks to RW, DP and Mark Somers for the contest and a pox upon you for providing a portal to and encouraging the sick and twisted minds here at DDP.

                            I'll no longer be on DDP just before bedtime, at least for a little while, even then I'll need a hug from mom, and a glass of warm milk before "nite-nite."
                            #writinginaStarbucks #re-thinkingmyexistence #notanotherweaklogline #thinkingwhatwouldWilldo

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                            • #44
                              Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                              Originally posted by Mark Somers View Post

                              Now for the tie for first place. I say we throw these guys in a ring with chainsaws, and let Darwin sort it out.


                              Who's with me?
                              And give Weems' cat something to talk about for next year? No thanks.
                              SL35
                              Potent dreamer. Newb disclaimer.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Results - Halloween 2013 contest

                                Originally posted by Mark Somers View Post
                                Congrats to all.


                                Jon Jay and DangoForth have got 50 page reads, each available to them from Benderspinks Daniel Vang.


                                Now for the tie for first place. I say we throw these guys in a ring with chainsaws, and let Darwin sort it out.


                                Who's with me?
                                +1 if it's filmed.
                                #writinginaStarbucks #re-thinkingmyexistence #notanotherweaklogline #thinkingwhatwouldWilldo

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