Re: Results - Valentine's Day contest
FROGGIE
Really liked the twist at the end, plus the tongue visuals. However, I'd read something quite similar to this before, so it lost points there (through no fault of the writer). This turned out to be Margie's, so maybe that's why it seemed familiar?
THE DATE
Several nigglings here and there, nothing major, but enough to cost a point here and there. Why the car lock? What kind of store has a flower lady instead of just a clerk? “How’d” instead of “How did” was not in keeping with character’s speech pattern. Halfway not half-way.
All the same, it was funny and I liked the characters. Very realistic in how dad treats Trevor (speaking as the father of a Down Syndrome child).
PAINT IT BLACK
All around interesting characters and great dialog (even though it is dialog heavy). Did have a problem as to why the pretty girls are all choosing Trent. My third place pick.
THEME WEDDING
Liked the outfit wedding matchups. With “Gene” as the main character, shouldn’t she have been “Miri” or "Majel"? (I went to Majel's house one time - COOLEST statue of a dragon in the foyer and her dogs were beautiful... but I digress) What’s the point of the currency??? Felt it should have a point showing Gene switching communicator badges on uniforms for more of the payoff.
SUMMER LOVING
Thought this writer had a good feel for that age. Biggest problem was a real lack of conflict. “Look out over the ocean atop the roof” would mean the ocean is on the roof.
DINNER WITH RALPHIE
Had a good twist at the end. This one just made me ask too many questions when I finished it, which is not a good thing. Still wasn't totally sure if Bruce was his brother or his dad.
THE BOY IN THE WOODS
Great visualization – the landscapes, leaf beds. My favorite read, if not my top pick. Photo totally set up the ending, so no surprise, but still felt like a nice moment. Several things that made me ask questions... If it’s been raining, how are the leaves dry??? It takes days for gangrene to begin setting in.
LOVE HURTS
Just great dialog and a hilarious ending. My top pick. Mostly because it made me laugh.
A BOX OF VALENTINES
Good juxtaposition of the bathroom vs rest of apartment. Good misdirection with Scott’s actions – turning off TV, gift, etc. A little confusing with what she's doing at the beginning, but that played to the ending, I guess. My second place vote.
As to my entry, I actually wrote a romcom once with Michael Caine in mind. "Good luck with that..."
FROGGIE
Really liked the twist at the end, plus the tongue visuals. However, I'd read something quite similar to this before, so it lost points there (through no fault of the writer). This turned out to be Margie's, so maybe that's why it seemed familiar?
THE DATE
Several nigglings here and there, nothing major, but enough to cost a point here and there. Why the car lock? What kind of store has a flower lady instead of just a clerk? “How’d” instead of “How did” was not in keeping with character’s speech pattern. Halfway not half-way.
All the same, it was funny and I liked the characters. Very realistic in how dad treats Trevor (speaking as the father of a Down Syndrome child).
PAINT IT BLACK
All around interesting characters and great dialog (even though it is dialog heavy). Did have a problem as to why the pretty girls are all choosing Trent. My third place pick.
THEME WEDDING
Liked the outfit wedding matchups. With “Gene” as the main character, shouldn’t she have been “Miri” or "Majel"? (I went to Majel's house one time - COOLEST statue of a dragon in the foyer and her dogs were beautiful... but I digress) What’s the point of the currency??? Felt it should have a point showing Gene switching communicator badges on uniforms for more of the payoff.
SUMMER LOVING
Thought this writer had a good feel for that age. Biggest problem was a real lack of conflict. “Look out over the ocean atop the roof” would mean the ocean is on the roof.
DINNER WITH RALPHIE
Had a good twist at the end. This one just made me ask too many questions when I finished it, which is not a good thing. Still wasn't totally sure if Bruce was his brother or his dad.
THE BOY IN THE WOODS
Great visualization – the landscapes, leaf beds. My favorite read, if not my top pick. Photo totally set up the ending, so no surprise, but still felt like a nice moment. Several things that made me ask questions... If it’s been raining, how are the leaves dry??? It takes days for gangrene to begin setting in.
LOVE HURTS
Just great dialog and a hilarious ending. My top pick. Mostly because it made me laugh.
A BOX OF VALENTINES
Good juxtaposition of the bathroom vs rest of apartment. Good misdirection with Scott’s actions – turning off TV, gift, etc. A little confusing with what she's doing at the beginning, but that played to the ending, I guess. My second place vote.
As to my entry, I actually wrote a romcom once with Michael Caine in mind. "Good luck with that..."
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