MOSTLY HARMLESS

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  • MOSTLY HARMLESS

    Code:
                   FADE IN:
    
                   INT. DREW'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
    
                   LIVING ROOM 
    
                   A bowl of fruit sits as the center-piece upon a polished 
                   table. The apartment appears spotlessly clean, with elegant 
                   furnishing and decorations. SOFT MUSIC plays on the stereo.
    
                   DREW GREELEY, a pretty woman, (late 20s), wears an herbal 
                   mask, bathrobe and slippers. She takes brisk steps from her 
                   bedroom door into the
    
                   BATHROOM
    
                   Drew looks into the mirror for a brief inspection of her 
                   face, as she wipes off the herbal mask.
    
                   Drew tucks her hair under a shower cap. She steps away from 
                   the mirror, slips off her slippers, and hangs her robe on a 
                   clothes hook on the door.
    
                   Drew pulls back the shower curtain of the tub, leans forward 
                   to turn on the water, and jumps back to reveal 
    
                   A LARGE WOLF SPIDER, in the bottom of the tub.
    
                                         DREW
                             Ugh!
    
                   The shower curtain falls back.
    
                   The wolf spider scurries to escape out of the tub but cannot 
                   climb up its smooth enamel walls.
    
                   WATER SPLASHES INTO A GLASS in the sink.
    
                   Clad, again, in her bathrobe and slippers, Drew pulls back 
                   the shower curtain. With her eyes fixed upon the spider, she 
                   lifts the shower curtain to the outside of the tub.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             Take that! Damn you!
    
                   Drew throws the glass of water at the spider and knocks it 
                   to the other side of the tub. The spider retreats but cannot 
                   escape.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             Where'd you come from?
    
                   WATER SPLASHES INTO A GLASS in the sink.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             2.
    
    
                   Drew throws the glass of water at the spider and dashes it 
                   toward the drain.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             Get out! You don't belong here!
    
                   Drew reaches over to the water taps and turns them on. WATER 
                   GUSHES FROM THE FAUCET and spreads up toward the fleeing 
                   spider. She presses the shower valve. Water stops flowing 
                   from the tap, PIPES GURGLE, and WATER GUSHES IN A SPRAY from 
                   the shower head.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             Bye-bye!
    
                   Pelted by the shower and caught in the flow of the tub's 
                   maelstrom, the spider disappears down the drain. Drew reaches 
                   past the dripping curtain and drops a plug into the drain.
    
                   LIVING ROOM
    
                   Clad in silk pajamas, Drew switches off the stereo and the 
                   lights.
    
                   BEDROOM
    
                   Half-asleep, Drew rolls over in bed, away from the opaque 
                   window shade which glows from the streetlights below. She 
                   snuggles into the pillow, eager to dream.
    
                   A DROP OF WATER HITS THE MATTRESS SHEET inches from Drew's 
                   face. She shifts her head on the pillow.
    
                   ANOTHER DROP OF WATER HITS THE MATTRESS SHEET and splashes a 
                   fine spray into Drew's face.
    
                   ANOTHER DROP OF WATER HITS THE MATTRESS SHEET. Drew opens 
                   her eyes, reaches out, and feels the sheet. A drop of water 
                   falls upon her hand.
    
                                         DREW
                             Huh?
    
                   Drew switches on a bedside lamp and sees a damp spot on the 
                   mattress sheet next to her pillow. She looks up at the 
                   ceiling, which is spotless and dry.
    
                   Drew switches off the lamp, pulls the pillow to the other 
                   side of the bed, and curls up under the blankets facing the 
                   window.
    
                   INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DREW'S APARTMENT - DAY
    
                   A man's finger presses a door-bell button.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             3.
    
    
                   INT. DREW'S APARTMENT - DAY
    
                   LIVING ROOM 
    
                   A MELODIC CHIME SOUNDS. Clad in a business suit and wearing 
                   makeup, Drew opens the door to reveal STUART, a rough man, 
                   (40s), clad in dirty overalls with a "Stuart" name patch.
    
                                         STUART
                             Good morning, Miss Greeley.
    
                                         DREW
                             I'm in a hurry, Stuart.
    
                                         STUART
                             So where's this leak?
    
                   BEDROOM
    
                   Stuart peers up at the spotless and dry ceiling.
    
                                         STUART
                             Doesn't look wet to me. You're sure 
                             it came from up there?
    
                   Drew points to where the wet spot would have been, but the 
                   bed has been made-up with fresh, dry sheets.
    
                                         DREW
                             It fell down, right here.
    
                                         STUART
                             You're sure you weren't dreaming?
    
                                         DREW
                             I felt it splash down on my hand.
    
                   LIVING ROOM
    
                   Drew follows Stuart out of the bedroom. He surveys the ceiling 
                   between the bedroom and the bathroom.
    
                                         STUART
                             I'll check around upstairs and see 
                             if someone might've spilled some 
                             water last night.
    
                                         DREW
                             Please do. And, there was a spider 
                             in my tub, too.
    
                                         STUART
                             Oh? What kind?
    
                                         DREW
                             It was a big hairy one.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             4.
    
    
                                         STUART
                             Probably a wolf spider. They're ugly 
                             as sin, but mostly harmless.
    
                                         DREW
                             Can't you do something about them?
    
                   Stuart nods to the fruit bowl on the table.
    
                                         STUART
                             Best thing to do is not to attract 
                             'em. They eat fruit flies and bugs. 
                             Maybe, if you kept your fruit in the 
                             fridge, instead of out here...
    
                   EXT. APARTMENT ENTRANCE - DAY
    
                   Drew steps out of the apartment building and walks down the 
                   dry sidewalk. She wears a business suit on a sunny day.
    
                   EXT. SUBWAY ENTRANCE - DAY
    
                   Drew approaches a subway entrance. A few drops of water fall 
                   on her head and onto the sidewalk around her. She stops to 
                   look up at the cloudless sky.
    
                   EXT. NEWS STAND - DAY
    
                   Drew stoops down to glance at the headlines of a business 
                   newspaper. SEVERAL DROPS OF WATER PATTER ONTO THE NEWSPAPER, 
                   her head, and her suit.
    
                   Drew quickly turns to look skyward and sees a cloudless sky. 
                   She looks down to see the
    
                   NEWS STAND ATTENDANT watching her.
    
                                         DREW
                             Ever see it rain like that?
    
                   The New Stand Attendant looks up, shields his eyes from the 
                   Sun, and looks back at Drew.
    
                                         NEWS STAND ATTENDANT
                             Nope! Well, not 'til now, anyways.
    
                   EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
    
                   Shielding her head with the newspaper over her head, Drew 
                   races from the street into an office building.
    
                   INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
    
                   OFFICE LOBBY 
    
                   Drew lowers her newspaper and races across the lobby to catch 
                   one of the elevators going up.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             5.
    
    
                   OFFICE ELEVATOR
    
                   Drew smiles nervously at other PASSENGERS in the elevator. 
                   Her hair and suit are slightly wet.
    
                                         DREW
                             Got caught in some rain.
    
                                         FIRST PASSENGER
                             It's raining?
    
                                         SECOND PASSENGER
                             I didn't see any clouds.
    
                   DREW'S OFFICE
    
                   Drew crunches into an apple, while looking through a business 
                   report. Several files and reports lay open upon her desk, 
                   and a desktop computer occupies the secretarial of the desk. 
                   The newspaper, folded over the back of a chair, dries in 
                   front of a sunlit window.
    
                   Drew sets down the apple, picks up her coffee mug, but finds 
                   the mug is empty. She sets down the mug and calls into 
                   intercom to EVIE, a secretary, (early 20s).
    
                                         DREW
                             Evie, could you bring me some more 
                             coffee?
    
                                         EVIE (V.O.)
                                  (filtered)
                             Yes, Miss Greeley.
    
                   Drew holds open a business report and begins to jot down 
                   some notes upon a memo pad with a pen. A DROP OF WATER FALLS 
                   UPON THE MEMO PAD and smears the fresh ink.
    
                   Drew looks up at the ceiling. She sees the sprinklers.
    
                   Drew looks to the memo pad and starts to blot it with a 
                   tissue. ANOTHER SEVERAL DROPS OF WATER FALL UPON THE MEMO 
                   PAD and upon her head.
    
                                         DREW
                             What--? No--!
    
                   A LIGHT SHOWER OF WATER PATTERS UPON DREW AND HER DESK. She 
                   grabs the newspaper from the back of the chair and hastily 
                   spreads it over her computer and her desk.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             Stop! Stop! STOP!
    
                   The shower ceases abruptly. Drew lifts away the dripping 
                   sections of newspaper from her computer and desk.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             6.
    
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             Damn it!
    
                   Drew looks up to see Evie nervously staring into the office 
                   from the doorway, with a coffee pot in hand.
    
                                         EVIE
                             How'd everything get so wet?
    
                                         DREW
                             Isn't that obvious? It rained!
                             Get some paper towels, quick!
    
                   Evie looks at Drew, whose hair and clothing are soaked, and 
                   retreats off into the hallway.
    
                   WOMEN'S WASHROOM
    
                   Drew walks up to the sinks and mirror with a handful of paper 
                   towels. Looking into the mirror, she sees that much of her 
                   make-up has been washed away. She blots her hair and wipes 
                   her face dry, but smears her mascara.
    
                                         DREW
                             Ouch, that's harsh!
    
                   Drew wets a paper towel and wipes the smear away.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                             There, that's better.
    
                   DREW'S OFFICE
    
                   Drew walks in and sees Evie and another young secretary busy 
                   wiping desk and computer dry with paper towels.
    
                                         DREW
                             Evie, if Mr. Burbage asks for me, 
                             tell him I've gone home to change 
                             into some dry clothes.
    
                                         EVIE
                             What happened?
    
                   Drew takes a compact umbrella from a cabinet shelf.
    
                                         DREW
                             I'm having a really bad hair day.
    
                   EXT. APARTMENT ENTRANCE - DAY
    
                   A taxi pulls up with Drew in the back. She looks skyward 
                   through its windows with her hair in a scarf.
    
                   Drew runs from the taxi to the building's entrance.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             7.
    
    
                   INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
    
                   ENTRANCE 
    
                   CURTIS, a doorman, (early 20s), hurries to open the door, 
                   but Drew pushes it open. Her umbrella snags in the doorway 
                   and crumples, as she tugs to free it.
    
                                         CURTIS
                             I'm terribly sorry, Miss Greeley.
    
                   She throws the broken umbrella down.
    
                                         DREW
                             Not worth anything now! Is it?
    
                   Curtis glances at Drew's wet hair and clothing.
    
                   APARTMENT LOBBY
    
                   Drew walks to the elevator. She punches the "up" button at 
                   the elevator. She hears an ELEVATOR CHIME. The elevator's 
                   door opens to reveal the elderly MRS. TULLY, standing inside. 
                   For a moment, Mrs. Tully gawks at Drew, and Drew steps aside 
                   to let Mrs. Tully exit the elevator.
    
                   APARTMENT ELEVATOR
    
                   Drew presses the button for her apartment's upper-floor and 
                   the "close" button for the elevator door. The door closes.
    
                   ENTRANCE
    
                   Mrs. Tully approaches the entrance and sees that Curtis is 
                   trying to fold up the broken umbrella.
    
                                         TULLY
                             Is it raining today, Curtis?
    
                                         CURTIS
                                  (cheerful)
                             No. It's a sunny day, Mrs. Tully.
    
                   APARTMENT ELEVATOR
    
                   Drew starts to untie the scarf from her head.
    
                   Drops of water fall upon her head and shoulders. She raises 
                   the scarf and her hands over her head to shield herself from 
                   a sudden shower of rain.
    
                   Rain becomes a downpour within the elevator. Drew hits the 
                   "alarm" button on the control panel. AN ALARM BELL RINGS, 
                   and the ELEVATOR JOLTS TO A STOP.
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             8.
    
    
                   ENTRANCE
    
                   Mrs. Tully turns back from the door, that Curtis is about to 
                   open, and listens to the ALARM BELL.
    
                                         TULLY
                             Is that the fire alarm?
    
                                         CURTIS
                             No, Mrs. Tully, it's the elevator.
    
                   APARTMENT ELEVATOR
    
                   Drew spins about the inside of the elevator. She pounds her 
                   fists upon the door and the walls, as the downpour continues 
                   to fall upon her.
    
                                         DREW
                             Help! Help me! HELP!
    
                   Drew's feet slosh through ankle-deep water on the floor. A 
                   STEEL CABLE GROANS, strained by excessive weight. She looks 
                   up at the "weight capacity" sign above the control panel.
    
                                         DREW (CONT'D)
                                  (hysterical)
                             No! No, no, no, no, NO!
    
                   THE STEEL CABLE GROANS. The ELEVATOR JOLTS downward, and 
                   Drew falls forward into the water on the floor.
    
                   APARTMENT LOBBY
    
                   Curtis dials a telephone at his doorman's station, while 
                   Mrs. Tully watches him.
    
                   APARTMENT ELEVATOR
    
                   Drew struggles up from the floor. The EMERGENCY TELEPHONE 
                   RINGS. She takes the telephone out from under the control 
                   panel.
    
                                         DREW
                                  (into the telephone)
                             Help me! It's going to fall!
    
                   APARTMENT LOBBY
    
                   Curtis tries to evade the gaze of Mrs. Tully, as he speaks 
                   to Drew on the telephone.
    
                                         CURTIS
                             Miss Greeley? Are you okay?
    
                                         DREW (V.O.)
                                  (filtered)
                             Get me out of here!
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                             9.
    
    
                                         CURTIS
                             Just stay calm--
    
                                         DREW (V.O.)
                                  (filtered)
                             It's stopped.
    
                                         CURTIS
                             Don't worry, now. We'll--
    
                                         DREW (V.O.)
                                  (filtered)
                             I've got to get out of here!
    
                   APARTMENT ELEVATOR
    
                   The downpour ceases. THE STEEL CABLE GROANS. Drew drops the 
                   emergency telephone drop into the water on the floor. She 
                   looks up at 
    
                   THE SERVICE PANEL on the dry ceiling.
    
                   APARTMENT LOBBY
    
                   Curtis speaks into the telephone.
    
                                         CURTIS
                             Hello? Hello? Are you there?
    
                   ELEVATOR SHAFT
    
                   Drew hauls herself up out of the elevator thru the service 
                   panel. She tries to steady herself and holds onto the elevator 
                   cable. THE STEEL CABLE GROANS. She lets go of it and slips 
                   back off the roof of the elevator.
    
                   ENTRANCE 
    
                   DREW'S TERRIFYING SCREAM grows louder in a descending fall.
    
                   Curtis and Mrs. Tully turn to see
    
                   THE ELEVATOR DOORS. The scream stops abruptly.
    
                   ENTRANCE - LATER
    
                   From inside, Stuart and a POLICE INSPECTOR, (40s), watch an 
                   ambulance quietly depart from outside the entrance. They see 
                   police disperse a crowd of curious onlookers.
    
                                         INSPECTOR
                             You have any idea where all that 
                             water in the elevator came from? 
                             Like a burst pipe, or somethin'?
    
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                            10.
    
    
                                         STUART
                             No, but it's weird. She said water 
                             was leaking onto her bed, last night; 
                             but, I checked it out. That ceiling 
                             was dry as a bone, just like the 
                             roof of that elevator.
    
                   Stuart sees a wolf spider scamper next to the Inspector.
    
                                         STUART (CONT'D)
                             Wait. Hold still, a moment.
    
                                         INSPECTOR
                             What?
    
                   The Inspector watches Stuart scoop the spider up in his hands, 
                   carry it over to the door, and toss it outside.
    
                                         INSPECTOR (CONT'D)
                             Gheesh! I'd have stepped on it. Aren't 
                             you afraid it'd bite?
    
                                         STUART
                                  (citing old rhyme)
                             If you wish to live and thrive,   
                             Let the spider run alive.
                                  (beat)
                             No, they're mostly harmless.
    
                                                                      FADE OUT.
    
                                             THE END
    Edited to add an extra bit to this Halloween treat.

  • #2
    my favorite so far! Nice job.

    wenonah

    Comment


    • #3
      raindrops keep falling on my head

      i liked this. very clean and cute.

      i remember when i was about 9. i was outside playing with a friend. i killed a spider. he got so angry and said its my fault if it rains tomorrow. true story.

      but nowadays, i let them live. but that's because they're our friends and kill most of the other insects for us.

      my vote? i dunno. so far - i think its a tie between this one and wenonahs hungry pumpkin.

      Comment


      • #4
        The Musical Selection I'd Prefer For The End Credits...

        Would be Flanders' and Swann's The Spider.

        Thanks.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: The Musical Selection I'd Prefer For The End Credits...

          Heh, that's very good.

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