Halloween short - The Fire

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  • Halloween short - The Fire

    Okay, I'm priming the pump a bit. Someone has to go first. This is one I wrote a couple months ago. It's not exactly Halloween themed, but just something fun. :evil - I'll be posting something more appropriate closer to Halloween.

    **************************

    Code:
     INT. OLD ONE-ROOM SCHOOL HOUSE - DAY
    
                   Snow pelts the small drafty windows as MRS. KINDLE, a
                   perpetual fifty-year-old schoolmarm, sits quietly at her
                   desk. The tiny room is filled with children of all ages.
    
                   The only sound is chalk on small boards, the daily lesson. A
                   fire roars in an old pot-bellied stove in the corner of the
                   room.
    
                   She rises from her desk.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             You may all put your slates down
                             now.
    
                   A collective clatter on wood. Several children chatter with
                   each other. A small boy, CHARLIE TINDER, eight, sits the
                   closest to the stove fanning himself. He stares into the
                   flame.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Charlie, more wood, please.
    
                                       CHARLIE
                             The fire's still hot, Mrs. Kindle.
    
                   She walks over to him with a stern puckered face. She pulls
                   her sweater tighter and holds her hands close to the stove.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             We'll use all the wood you can
                             bring. Put your boots on.
    
                   She walks among the children. Charlie stands and walks back
                   to the cloak room.
    
                   INT. CLOAK ROOM - CONTINUOUS
    
                   He pulls on heavy boots, a wool coat, and mittens. A square
                   box with a handle waits by the door. He hefts it and braces
                   against the cold he knows is coming.
    
                   EXT. SCHOOL YARD - DAY
    
                   The wood shed is a good forty-yard walk. The snow pelts
                   Charlie's cheeks as he trudges through a foot of fresh
                   powder.
    
                   He reaches the shed. A large board braces the door. Charlie
                   sets the box down struggles to lift the board. He uses all
                   his strength - the board finally lifts. The door swings open,
                   he steps inside.
    
                   INT. OLD ONE-ROOM SCHOOL HOUSE - SAME
    
                   Mrs. Kindle paces the length of the room. Her glance keeps
                   going to the fire. It's still going, but getting smaller. She
                   walks to the window and checks the wood-shed, for the
                   hundredth time.
    
                   A SMALL GIRL walks up to Mrs. Kindle with her slate.
    
                                       SMALL GIRL
                             Mrs. Kindle, I have a question
                             about this arithmetic problem --
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Go back to your seat at once!
    
                   Her sudden outburst surprises them both. The teacher tries to
                   compose herself.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Have Susan help you. I'll check
                             answers after I tend to the fire.
    
                                       SMALL GIRL
                             Yes, ma'am.
    
                   She returns to her seat. Mrs. Kindle walks to the stove. She
                   bends down on her hands and knees, peers inside. Something
                   inside moves - slithers around the dying red embers.
    
                   A RASPY VOICE whispers from the small flame.
    
                                       RASPY VOICE
                             Need ... need ... feed it.
    
                   She recoils backwards, bumping into Charlie's empty desk. The
                   kids look up, exchanging glances of concern and humor.
    
                   She stands and walks back to the window.
    
                   INT. WOOD SHED - DAY
    
                   The small building is stacked to the roof with logs. Charlie
                   barely has room to bring the box in with him. The door hangs
                   open for light. He pulls at a log, it doesn't budge. He looks
                   up toward the top and starts climbing.
    
                   INT. OLD ONE-ROOM SCHOOL HOUSE - SAME
    
                   Mrs Kindle walks to her desk and in a haste to grab a book,
                   she knocks them to the floor. She drops to her knees, her
                   hands shake.
                   She chooses a small green book titled HISTORY OF THE UNITED
                   STATES and walks it quickly to the stove, the children watch
                   her.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Children, please take out your
                             spelling.
    
                   A groan, JOSEPH, eleven, shoots his hand up.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Yes, Joseph?
    
                                       JOSEPH
                             Mrs. Kindle, we did spelling this
                             morning. It's time for history.
    
                   Mrs. Kindle looks out among the questioning faces.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             I expect you all to get them right
                             then. Take your books out.
    
                   As the kids find their spelling books, Mrs. Kindle quickly
                   walks to the stove. Faster than a blink she shoves the book
                   through the door and peers inside.
    
                                       RASPY VOICE
                             Feed ... aaaahhhhh.
    
                   The voice becomes softer, purrs even. The book's pages
                   crackle and turn black. She sighs and moves back to the
                   window.
    
                   INT. WOOD SHED - SAME
    
                   Charlie clings to the wood pile. His head touches the top of
                   the shed. While holding on with one hand he throws logs down
                   to the floor with the other.
    
                   He jumps to the floor and fills the box with wood. A hard
                   wind slams the door shut. Charlie stands in darkness.
    
                   INT. OLD ONE-ROOMED SCHOOL HOUSE - SAME
    
                   Mrs. Kindle watches the door slam from the window, the board
                   drops in place, trapping him. She gasps. Several of the
                   children jump up from their seats and crowd around her.
    
                                       JOSEPH
                             He's stuck out there. Someone has
                             to get him.
    
                   Mrs. Kindle looks over at the fire, the book is black and
                   charred.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Joseph, go help him, quickly.
    
                   Joseph doesn't like this idea, he moves slowly toward the
                   cloak room.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Forget your boots, go out there
                             now! We need the wood!
    
                   The rest of the children gather around the two windows facing
                   the wood shed. Joseph leans into the wind. The whole room
                   quiets. Joseph shoves his hands in his pockets to warm them.
    
                   One LITTLE GIRL stands by the stove, her attention drawn to
                   the fire.
    
                                       LITTLE GIRL
                             Hey, something's moving in there.
    
                   Mrs. Kindle runs to her, pulling her back.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Get away from there!
    
                   The raspy voice starts very small, then grows.
    
                                       RASPY VOICE
                             Feed, now ... Feed the fire.
    
                   All the children turn toward the fire.
    
                   EXT. WOOD SHED - SAME
    
                   Joseph reaches the shed. Charlie knocks furiously from the
                   other side.
    
                                       CHARLIE (O.S.)
                             Let me out! It's dark, open the
                             door!
    
                                       JOSEPH
                             Hang on Charlie, I'll get it.
    
                   Joseph has the same trouble opening the large board that
                   Charlie did. He jams it up with the palm of his hand, the
                   door flings open. Charlie tumbles out.
    
                   INT. OLD ONE-ROOMED SCHOOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
    
                   With all the children standing near the windows, looking at
                   the stove, one BOY turns back toward the window.
    
                                       BOY
                             They're out! They're coming.
    
                                       RASPY VOICE
                             Here I come to feed, must feed.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Oh, god!
    
                   She runs to the window and tries to open it.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Help me, children.
    
                   Several of the bigger boys go to her aid. They push on the
                   window until it opens, but just a couple inches. Mrs. Kindle
                   bends down, puts her face into the small opening. She yells.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Run boys! Bring the wood!
    
                   EXT. OLD ONE-ROOMED SCHOOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
    
                   Joseph and Charlie look up, Joseph carries the box filled
                   with wood. They start running as best they can against the
                   wind and snow and with the awkward heavy box. Charlie falls
                   in the snow. Joseph puts down the box to help him. Mrs.
                   Kindle's voice is barely heard through the wind.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE (O.S.)
                             Leave him there Joe, bring the
                             wood!
    
                   Joe doesn't leave him there, he gets the smaller boy on his
                   feet.
    
                   INT. OLD ONE-ROOMED SCHOOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
    
                   Mrs. Kindle looks over to the stove, then back to the window.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Hurry, please!
    
                                       BOY
                             Look at the stove!
    
                   The stove rattles and shakes on the wooden floor.
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Bring me your books boys and girls!
    
                   The children scatter, screaming. Some go to their desks,
                   others make for the cloak room.
    
                   Half a dozen books land in her arms, she quickly feeds them
                   to the stove.
    
                                       RASPY VOICE
                             More, need more feed ... not
                             enough. Coming to get more ...
    
                                       MRS. KINDLE
                             Oh God, no...please, they'll be
                             here any minute!
    
                   The fire goes out.
    
                   EXT. OLD ONE-ROOMED SCHOOL HOUSE - SAME
    
                   Joseph makes it to the front door of the school before
                   Charlie. He turns to go inside - WHACK - he's hit in the back
                   with a snowball.
    
                                       JOSEPH
                             You're gonna pay for that one,
                             Charlie.
    
                   He drops the box in front of the door and kneels in the snow,
                   scooping a handful into a ball. Charlie takes off in the
                   opposite direction. Joseph lobs his snowball, missing over
                   Charlie's shoulder.
    
                                       JOSEPH
                             C'mon Charlie, let's get inside
                             it's cold out here.
    
                   Reluctantly the boys drag the box in the front door. A SCREAM
                   from the classroom is cut short. Joseph slowly turns the
                   doorknob.
    
                   INT. CLOAK ROOM - CONTINUOUS
    
                   They walk in, put the wood box down and stomp their feet of
                   snow. Charlie hangs up his coat while Joseph rubs his red
                   hands. There is no noise coming from the classroom.
    
                   INT. OLD ONE-ROOMED SCHOOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
    
                   Charlie and Joseph walk into the classroom each carrying a
                   log. The room is empty. A fire roars in the stove.
    
                                                                   FADE OUT

  • #2
    WOW!!!! Spooky! :eek

    I really liked this, you kept me reading from top to bottom. I think the characters developed quickly and were distinct. I also enjoyed how easily the action descriptions read - not too heavy, just the right amount of information.

    I was slightly bothered when Charlie first when to the woodshed - it seemed like there was too much description about the wood plank barring the door and the trouble he had opening it, etc, etc. But then later when it slammed shut and locked him in and the other boy had a little trouble opening it I was glad the description had been there previously to set up these situations.

    Is this all you have of this story? I'd love to read more!

    - Larry

    Comment


    • #3
      Mrs. Kindle and Charlie Tinder? Very suggestive names. I just knew Kindle was gonna burn...smiles.

      Comment


      • #4
        Cute and enjoyable.

        Just a couple of trivial thoughts:

        Those wood-related character names were distracting. Not only that, I suddenly saw Charlie Brown and couldn't get rid of this mental image! Argh!

        How Mrs. Kindle realizes that the fire must be fed, or else, isn't even touched on. I understand you're working to short script constraints and that a big explanation might spoil everything but as soon as I finished reading I had a feeling there was something missing.

        Shrug, feel free to ignore me. Read the first line of my reply a few times to offset any negative vibes.

        -Derek
        -----------------------
        One of the many reasons you should never listen to dpat ~PipeWriter

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks guys I'll take 'cute and enjoyable' ~

          I didn't feel the need to explain why or how the teacher knew, it doesn't matter to this chunk of the story (that would probably be an entirely different short) I got in early and got out early. If I were to write this as short fiction, that would be easier to explain in a couple lines, here I'd have to use something to internalize the teacher's voice (flashbacks, voice over, etc. - didn't even wanna go there) because we're past that point now.

          Thanks again for reading

          wenonah

          Comment


          • #6
            Nice, fast paced read. Felt very "Stephen King" to me.

            Comment


            • #7
              I felt it was a little dry, self-satisfied. And wholly implausible. This wouldn't work at all well as a film.

              What kind of emotion is it supposed to convey? I got no tone from it.

              Am I taking this too seriously?:lol

              Comment


              • #8
                Not at all, would you say it was tinder dry? :lol

                jeez, I have to get my "real" short going... pumpkin night approaches!

                wenonah

                Comment


                • #9
                  Eddie V. It's about a people eating pot bellied stove. I'd say you're overthinking this one.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    To paraphrase the last line of Die Hard, if this is what you have just lying around, I GOT to see what you have up your sleeve for Halloween!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      nice

                      would be great if the last line of the script was one of the kids saying, "Whats that funny smell?"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        title

                        okay. i'm giving you a title. run with it. youre a fool if you dont. ill shove you in the fire if you dont.

                        "Keep The Schoolhome Fires Burning"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          You go, girl!

                          And please, ignore the awful advice from Scooby Goo.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            ** VOTE **

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              This was great!

                              My only possible criticism is that it might be scarier if the fire thingee did not actually speak. Maybe gibberish or just groaning, but the whole "need more" kinda took some of the creepiness away for me.

                              Comment

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