An unofficial scriptsales.com PIZZA: The Movie contest

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  • #46
    I suspect the film doesn't actually exist, but if you send Donald $15, he sends you a DVD sized pizza made to order.

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    • #47
      doesn't exist?

      edited: i found it in imdb

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      • #48
        Hairy: The film exists. I received my DVD as promised and I sent Donald a review.

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        • #49
          Just saw it on IMDB, must have gone up VERY recently.

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          • #50
            yes, Vex, only a few days ago, did it finally appear, as you can tell, it doesn't even have the information for it, which won't appear for another week or two.

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            • #51
              Thanks for my prize: the DVD of your film. Here's my review as per your request:

              Story/Character:

              The story hook is good - - the world of pizza delivery. My biggest problem with the story was that the protag, Kevin, was a passive character as written. Short on dialog, especially in the first act, which made it hard to empathize with him from the get go.

              The kooky friend had more (read: too many) lines and dominated the scenes in Act 1 (his dialog could have been tightened before you began shooting). As a result, I go into the second act not having a solid feel for the protag. In Kevin's scenes with the minor characters, they spoke, he listened (mostly). As a result, I felt I "knew" the minor characters more than I knew Kevin.

              This also created a problem for me with Kevin's goal - - to hook up with this girl he knew from high school. It was hard for me to "root" for him because (1) he said too little to get me to emotionally empathize with him and (2) he had little interaction with the girl, which didn't convince me he was crazy about her.

              Still, that could have been fixed by having Kevin, in act 1, wax on poetic about her to his friend instead of his friend doing all the talking. Then I would have known why he was so determined (in act 2) to earn the extra money delivering pizza in order to impress her.

              The thrust of Act 2 was that 'hijinks ensued" as he went through the hell of delivering pizzas. The delivery scenes were funny, I especially liked the guy counting and recounting coins from his change jar. And the "goddess" joke was good as a running gag, even better if it had been introduced earlier in the script. Overall, the delivery scenes were fresh and engaging. Even more important, I remember them.

              The resolution of your story - - I felt Kevin's final decision came from out of left field. I now realize after our email exchange that you did hint about hid "other" goal in dialog (trying not to spoil the ending, here) but it didn't stand out in my mind. Again, I didn't "know" this about him because his character was so internal.

              Actors:

              The guy who played Kevin has a natural sympatico which really helped because he made up for the passivity of his character as written. He's highly comfortable in front of a camera and comes across very well on screen. There's a professional "feel" to him, I could easily see him cast in major films down the road.

              The Kooky friend: I felt he delivered his lines more for the stage than the screen. He had that stage actor sense about him, like he was making sure the people in the back row 'got it.' Yet, he also has a natural sympatico which really helped since his character as written could have been annoying if played by a less "cuddly" actor. However, I have to give him credit because, as written, his character did more 'heavy lifting' in this story than the protag in half the film.

              The Pizza Delivery Girl: She had the right edge to her for the role she played. Which, if I was giving notes on your script (I know, too late now), I'd say her character should have been given more to do, right out of the gate in act 1.

              The Boss: He was fine in his role.

              Pizza Customers: Did fine with the gags, great characters.

              Kevin's love interest: She worked in her role but I wished she had more lines so I could beleive why he would go on this 'journey' to win her.

              Overall, you did very well casting the right actor for each role.

              Directing: I liked the way you set up and framed shots, nice and tight, especially the opening sequence. Judging by the visual composition of the scenes, I get the sense you could "see" your film very well, even before you began shooting. I think as you grow you will begin to "hear" your film just as well. By this I mean, directing your actors as precisely as you visually set up your shots.

              I would have edited more. I know it's hard when you (the writer/director) go through so much to get this to screen. It's hard to be objective and let go of some footage. Still, this film could be tightened up more in editing.

              Overall opinion:

              If this is your first script-to-screen effort, I'm impressed. Very impressed. The only scripts I've written and directed have been for radio and TV commercials. I know how much work it takes to get just 30-seconds onto the screen ergo I know you put a lot of work into this.

              As I said above, you have a good visual sense and, considering you didn't have a wealth of equipment at your disposal, this was well done.

              Even with its flaws, the film has "heart" and memorable moments, which is more than I can say about some Hollywood films I've seen. I would be curious to see you direct and produce someone else's script. I have a hunch you'd have more objectivity directing and shooting a story you didn't write yourself.

              Thanks again for the opportunity to see your film.

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