"Popsicle" freeflow writing exercise

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • "Popsicle" freeflow writing exercise

    Edit: New contest posts moved out of the Results - Bring Me The Head contest thread and into a new thread of their own.

    Yeah I was thinking that too -- not wanting to put any pressure on you, Centos, but if you've got anything in mind for the next contest, whenever that might be, feel free to say so!
    Last edited by dpaterso; 07-23-2016, 03:01 AM.

    Nobody knows nothing, and I'm nobody.

    Oh Those Hot Summer Nights script contest
    5 pages, deadline next Sunday

  • #2
    Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

    Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
    Yeah I was thinking that too -- not wanting to put any pressure on you, Centos, but if you've got anything in mind for the next contest, whenever that might be, feel free to say so!
    Okay, I'll see what I can come up with -- if it's stupid everyone can ignore it and go on to something else.

    Just an idea for a non-contest exercise ... I would like to to take a single image as a starting point and see what scene (or short series of scenes) can be written from that one image. Maybe you could get a whole short script out of it, I don't know.

    At any rate, I'll see what I can up with for the short script contest -- and maybe for the snippet or scene also (if anyone wants to do that).
    STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

      Originally posted by Centos View Post
      Just an idea for a non-contest exercise ... I would like to to take a single image as a starting point and see what scene (or short series of scenes) can be written from that one image. Maybe you could get a whole short script out of it, I don't know.
      I'm working on an idea (actually have the idea) for another screenplay contest, but I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it.

      Meanwhile ... this is what I was thinking about for the single image you can build a scene, series of scenes or even a short script on ...

      Code:
      EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
      
      CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
      
      We PULL BACK to ...
      ... and that's where snippet would start.

      I've already written one, but it would be fun if we could all write three, four or five of them and see how much variety we could get.

      Not sure how they would be posted, or even if this would be acceptable for this particular forum.

      At any rate, that's one of my ideas (for what it's worth).

      EDIT: A Popsicle is (I think) called an "ice lolly" (or "ice lollipop") in England. Not sure if that's true for New Zealand.

      Also, sorry about the "camera directions" if you don't like them. I just couldn't think of any more succinct way to say what I wanted to say. The idea is we start with one clear, simple image and work out from that.
      Last edited by Centos; 07-22-2016, 03:45 AM.
      STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

        Sounds cool to me, let's see if any other thoughts appear over the weekend.

        We can start a new thread then or I can just port these posts out of this one into a new thread with a fresh title.

        Posting the entries, I dunno what you had in mind. I've always felt anonymous is best but maybe that's not always required, feel free to discuss.

        Doing contest admin again for anonymous entries doesn't bother me, there's not that much effort involved. As always, if someone else wants a go at it then just wave your hand.

        Nobody knows nothing, and I'm nobody.

        Oh Those Hot Summer Nights script contest
        5 pages, deadline next Sunday

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

          Originally posted by Centos View Post
          Meanwhile ... this is what I was thinking about for the single image you can build a scene, series of scenes or even a short script on ...

          Code:
          EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
          
          CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
          
          We PULL BACK to ...
          Here's my entry ...

          Code:
          EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
          
          CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
          
          We PULL BACK to the planet Snoconia in the galaxy
          Defrostedese, where the stupidly evil Snoconian
          high-command are weeping over their woefully
          miscalculated popsicle attack on Earth.
          
                                                  FADE OUT.
          Last edited by Crayon; 07-22-2016, 05:43 PM. Reason: second draft
          Know this: I'm a lazy amateur, so trust not a word what I write.
          "The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never." ~ Oscar Wilde

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

            Originally posted by dpaterso View Post
            Posting the entries, I dunno what you had in mind. I've always felt anonymous is best but maybe that's not always required, feel free to discuss.
            Sorry, I have a habit of not making myself clear. I haven't posted the contest idea yet, but once I do (and if the idea is accepted) then I would just expect it to be treated as a normal contest with a submission deadline, anonymous postings and a set time for voting -- all as normal.

            The "image" screenplay starter idea would be a lot less formal (just an exercise in imagination) -- and we would just post our scenes, snippets, shorts (whatever) like you would in the Feedback forum -- except here it would be even less formal. I see Crayon has already jumped in. I would imagine it would have it's own thread -- but maybe it would be stepping on the toes of the regular Feedback Forum? I guess what I'm trying to see is a lot more writing exercises and discussion, and a lot less waiting around for entries. I would hope (at some point) others would suggest "starter" images. (Sorry if I'm rambling.)
            STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

              Originally posted by Crayon View Post
              Here's my entry ...
              One ... only ONE entry?

              But this is exactly what I was thinking of. Just post whatever you imagine. Kind of free-flowing, informal writing. Or it can be a little more serious, the image is just a starting point. I guess I'll post my FIRST entry (only one I've written so far, but I want to write a few of these).
              STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

                Okay, my first "popsicle" entry -- (and maybe last, depending on the decision Derek makes on this).

                Written on the Internet using the online (or offline in browser) Fountain editor, www.afterwriting.com -- copied and saved into Simplenote www.simplenote.com (online), then downloaded (in Fountain format) and imported into Trelby, and pasted directly into Done Deal from there.

                Code:
                EXT. CITY STREET -- DAY
                
                CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
                
                We PULL BACK to an empty CITY STREET. Surreal silence.
                Vacant.
                
                CARS sit haphazardly on the street or along the sidewalk.
                Nothing is moving.
                
                And then ...
                
                A PRINTED PAPER SHEET appears, flaps in the breeze, wafts
                upwards.
                
                We follow it as it drifts down the street, either twirling
                along the ground, or spinning in the air when it rises from
                the pavement.
                
                Suddenly it veers down an alley, then slides along a stone
                wall until ...
                
                A HAND emerges from the wall and grasps it.
                
                As we watch, a SLIGHT FIGURE slowly fades into view. A gray
                cloak and hood, gray boots -- all matching the gray stone
                wall of the building. For just a moment we see HER violet
                eyes as she quickly scans the sheet.
                
                Then she lets the paper drop as her shape fades back into
                the wall and disappears.
                
                After a moment, the sheet of paper wafts upwards, then bobs
                along the wall and disappears into the street.
                
                EXT. CITY ALLEY -- TWILIGHT
                
                The silence is broken by the trill, like the sound of a
                songbird.
                
                A silent pause.
                
                Then another trill, further up the alley.
                I have some ideas where this could go -- but probably not going anywhere with it.
                Last edited by Centos; 07-22-2016, 01:12 PM.
                STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

                  Okay -- my second "popsicle" entry. Not getting any better folks, but I thought it would be fun to play around with a crowd to see if you can "feel" it getting ugly. I don't know how well it worked. Maybe tomorrow's will be better.

                  Code:
                  EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                  
                  CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
                  
                  We PULL BACK to a loud, arguing CROWD, pushing closer,
                  demanding answers from ...
                  
                  TWO POLICEMEN, one (mid 40s, overweight, in white uniform) 
                  kneeling down investigating the popisicle, the other (early
                  20s, white uniform) is trying to keep the peace.
                  
                                        YOUNG POLICEMAN
                                  (his hands out, palms
                                   forward)
                            Back down. Keep calm. Keep calm.
                  
                                        OLD POLICEMAN
                                  (whispering)
                            Call in reinforcements.
                  
                                        YOUNG POLICEMAN
                            We'll get to the bottom of this,
                            folks. Just be calm.
                                  (whispering urgently into
                                   his microphone)
                            Code 3, NOW!
                                  (hissing to the Old
                                   Policeman)
                            What the hell is going on?
                  
                  The Crowd closes in. We notice that all are wearing WHITE
                  clothes. All eyes are a pale gray. All hair is white. All
                  skin is pale.
                  
                  One in the crowd, BIG and BULBOUS pushes out to the front of
                  the crowd and yells.
                  
                                        BULBOUS
                            Who the hell is doing this? Why the
                            hell can't you do your job? Why the
                            hell can't you find the pervert who
                            is doing this? What the hell do we
                            pay you for?
                  
                                        CROWD MEMBER
                            Yeah, what the hell do we pay you
                            for?
                  
                  The Young Policeman closes his eyes, counts to five, then
                  quietly unlatches a taser at his side.
                  
                  He points it at Bulbous.
                  
                                        YOUNG POLICEMAN
                            You'll have to step back, sir.
                  
                  Bulbous mutters something under his breath, but elbows his
                  way backwards.
                  
                  A SHRIEKY LADY, tall and extremely thin, jumps up and down
                  in place, like she's on a pogo stick. She screams at the top
                  of her lungs.
                  
                                        SHRIEKY LADY
                            It's hurting my eyes. Do SOMETHING
                            about it. Do SOMETHING about it
                            now!
                  
                  The Crowd yells it assent. It's getting ugly.
                  
                  The Old Policeman pushes himself up to his feet. He acts
                  nonchalant, but sweat is beading on his forehead.
                  
                                        OLD POLICEMAN
                            It's under control folks. Just give
                            us a few minutes ...
                  
                                        SHRIEKY LADY
                            I can still see it. It's STILL
                            there. Do SOMETHING about it. NOW!
                  
                                        YOUNG POLICEMAN
                                  (halfheartedly pointing
                                   his taser at her)
                            Calm down, ma'am. Don't make me
                            warn you again.
                  
                  The Crowd opens for a squad of 20 BURLY SOLDIERS, in white,
                  marching in lock-step, the one in front is carrying a
                  CARDBOARD BOX and a RAMBO attitude.
                  
                                        RAMBO
                            Containment squad. Stand down,
                            we'll take it from here.
                  
                  The Two Cops "stand down," relieved.
                  
                                        SHRIEKY LADY
                            It's hurting my eyes! DO SOMETHING!
                  
                  RAMBO gestures for silence, gets it. He sidles slowly up to
                  now nearly melted popsicle. He deftly flips the cardboard
                  box over it.
                  
                  The Crowd roars. They clap and hug one another.
                  
                  A SMALL BOY, at the back of the Crowd smirks.
                  
                  While the others are looking away, he hikes his pant leg
                  and, for a split second we see the sliver of a BRIGHT RED
                  STOCKING.
                  STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: "Popsicle" freeflow writing exercise

                    Code:
                    
                                   EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                    
                                   CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
                    
                                   We PULL BACK to reveal a small GIRL (5) sobbing in a heap
                                   nearby. As her sobs weaken, she sits up slowly. Hiccuping
                                   loudly, she composes herself. She spits into her hand and
                                   uses the spittle to clean off her BLOODY KNEE.
                    
                                   MERV ANDREWS (24) red-haired, in uniform, asleep awkwardly in
                                   a sitting position, snores on the floor of SUNNY DAZE ICE
                                   CREAM TRUCK. At the girl's loud HICCUPS, he snorts awakes.
                    
                                                       MERV
                                                 (slight slur)
                                             What the..?
                    
                                   He looks around, squinting, shields his eyes from the light
                                   of day. He stands, walks to the truck's door, grabs his head.
                    
                                                       MERV (CONT'D)
                                             Ugh. Kid could you keep it down? My
                                             head feels like a mack truck drove
                                             on it.
                    
                                   He looks around as if trying to solve a mystery. He looks at
                                   his watch: 10 AM.
                    
                                                       MERV (CONT'D)
                                             What're you crying about? What's
                                             wrong?
                    
                                   The girl speaks like someone who will have to have speech
                                   therapy one day.
                    
                                                       GIRL
                                             I fell and dwopped my popsicle.
                    
                                   His head jerks to the inside of the truck, suddenly alert.
                                   Beer cans crushed litter the floor. His sudden movement
                                   doesn't sit well with him and he grabs it again with both
                                   hands.
                    
                                                       MERV
                                             ****!
                    
                                   The girls glares disapprovingly at him.
                    
                                                       MERV (CONT'D)
                                             What happened?
                    
                                                       GIRL
                                             You tolded everybody to get an ice
                                             cweam. Whatever they wanted, but
                                             the big kids got the best ones.
                                             Only wed popsicles was left... And
                                             now I spilled mine.
                    
                                   She starts sniffling again. He sees a cash box, opens it to
                                   see $10. He rubs his head as if trying to remember.
                    
                                                       MERV
                                             What do you mean? For free?
                    
                                   She nods eagerly.
                    
                                                       MERV (CONT'D)
                                             Oh ****.
                    
                                   He covers his face.
                    
                                                       GIRL
                                                 (hopefully)
                                             Can I get another one?
                    
                                   He doesn't look at her, but stares aimlessly in space.
                    
                                                       GIRL (CONT'D)
                                             Sir? Mr. Ice Cweamman?
                    
                                                       MERV
                                             Whatever. Help yourself. 
                    
                                   She climbs in the truck and opens each refrigeration door,
                                   one at a time, shutting each one.
                    
                                                       GIRL
                                                 (chin wobbles)
                                             It's... They're ..all gone!
                    
                                   She burst into tears. Seeing the crying girl, Merv's stare
                                   dissolves into:
                    
                                   FLASHBACK MERV'S P.O.V.
                    
                                   A teary-eyed girl (13) who shares his distinctive red hair
                                   looks accusing at him.
                    
                                                       GIRL (CONT'D)
                                             I waited for you for an hour!
                    
                                   A pretty woman (20), eyes filled with tears, looks at him
                                   sadly, holding a swaddled infant, red-hair peeking out.
                    
                                                       YOUNG WOMAN
                                             You said you'd stop.
                    
                                   A matronly woman (55), tears streaming down her face, speaks
                                   through the bars of a CELL.
                    
                                                       WOMAN
                                             Son, I can't do this anymore.
                    
                                   END FLASHBACK
                    
                                   The girl wanders away sadly.
                    
                                   Merv grind his teeth angrily. He looks around, exhales
                                   loudly, shaking his head .
                    
                                                       MERV
                                             That's IT. I'm done! I'm through
                                             drinking. I'm through with it...
                    
                                   He hits his fist into the lid of a styrofoam container,
                                   bursting it to reveal a SIXPACK of BEER.
                    
                                   He sighs, shakes his head, picks up a can, speaks to it.
                    
                                                       MERV (CONT'D)
                                             I'm done with you....
                                             Starting tomorrow.
                    
                                   He cracks open a beer.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

                      Originally posted by Centos View Post
                      Okay, my first "popsicle" entry -- (and maybe last, depending on the decision Derek makes on this).

                      EXT. CITY STREET -- DAY

                      CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.

                      We PULL BACK to an empty CITY STREET. Surreal silence.
                      Vacant.

                      CARS sit haphazardly on the street or along the sidewalk.
                      Nothing is moving.

                      And then ...

                      A PRINTED PAPER SHEET appears, flaps in the breeze, wafts
                      upwards.


                      Enjoyed the imagery, and the sense of mystery you've evoked. My impression is that this will have a dystopian theme... Wonder if you could change it up so it is NOT that which I expect?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: "Popsicle" freeflow writing exercise

                        I will always use any excuse to make a complete ass out of myself, so here goes.

                        Code:
                             EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                        
                             CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
                        
                             We PULL BACK to reveal a small pool of blood, coagulating 
                             under the setting sun.
                        
                             We PULL BACK to reveal a an old gypsy women, dressed all in 
                             black, cradling a sobbing four-year-old girl.
                        
                             The gypsy stares into the sky with black, unblinking eyes.  
                             Her lips move as she silently invokes a curse.
                        
                             We PULL BACK to reveal, from overhead, three teenage boys, 
                             laughing and high-fiving, two blocks from the gypsy and the 
                             girl.
                        
                             We PULL BACK to reveal, from high above, a swirling black 
                             vortex on the outskirts of the city.
                        
                             The swirling stops, in its place, a gigantic, black 
                             monstrosity of fur and fangs and claws, winks in and out 
                             of existence.
                        
                             Snuffling the air, it orients on the city, in the direction 
                             of the three, laughing teenagers.
                        
                             Moving with incredible speed, it shimmers out of sight.
                        "I just couldn't live in a world without me."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: "Popsicle" freeflow writing exercise

                          SBdeb and Storywriter -- liked both of your scripts a lot. Both drew me in, flowed well, were very visual, kept my interest and ended strong. Thanks. (And more, please.)
                          Last edited by Centos; 07-23-2016, 06:34 PM.
                          STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Results - Bring Me The Head contest

                            Originally posted by SBdeb View Post
                            Enjoyed the imagery, and the sense of mystery you've evoked. My impression is that this will have a dystopian theme... Wonder if you could change it up so it is NOT that which I expect?
                            It started out dystopian -- some kind of huge alien-mechanical calamity had emptied the Earth. But as I wrote, the idea of the faery-like creatures who communicated to one another via "blowing" trash came up and I got thinking ... what if they've always been here, but we humans just never saw them? And what if, at first, they're willing to leave the humans to face their own doom, but one child (probably the little girl who dropped the Popsicle) has somehow been missed and is crying, and our heroine, already introduced, takes pity on her and somehow convinces her folks to help defeat the "whatevers" even though they have no love for humans.

                            Anyhow, if I was going to write more on this, that's probably the direction it would go. At least for now.
                            STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: "Popsicle" freeflow writing exercise

                              Originally posted by StoryWriter View Post
                              I will always use any excuse to make a complete ass out of myself, so here goes.

                              Code:
                                   EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
                              
                                   CLOSE ON a RED POPSICLE melting on the sidewalk.
                              
                                   We PULL BACK to reveal a small pool of blood, coagulating 
                                   under the setting sun.
                              Nice!! I never tire of the theme of 'Good over Evil.' Clever.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X