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  • Scene Practice

    Getting good at scene writing as we all know is so important. I am starting this thread for people to practice. Any scene. A stand alone or something from a script.

    I'll start. I don't have any screenwriting software at the moment so I'm gonna write a quick scene in the browser.

    INT. MARRIAGE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE

    DR. RYAN MURPHY, 40s dressed in a nice suit with glasses. He has gray streaks on the sides of his jet black hair. He opens the door.

    ....DR. MURPHY
    Please Come in.

    TOM WINTERS, 40s, walks in followed by his wife RACHAEL, 40s. They are amidst a silent argument filled with all the facial expressions and mouth movements but no sound.

    .....DR. MURPHY
    Ah. Please. Have a seat.

    Tom and Rachael sit down in the two chairs in front of the desk in the middle of their silent argument.

    .....DR. MURPHY
    Hello?

    On cue both Tom and Rachael stop and look at Dr. Murphy with a huge smile.

    .....DR. MURPHY
    Good. Now why don't you tell me what's been going on.

    .....TOM
    Pretty much if she had a butler, ringing a bell to call for him would be too much work.

    .....RACHAEL
    Me? Our couch has an imprint of your ass because you never move it from there.

    Tom leans in to the doctor.

    .....TOM
    She lets her arm pit hair grow real long and then saves the trimmings to make a scarf.

    Dr. Murphy's face winces.

    .....RACHAEL
    He urinates by the tree in our backyard. Who does that?

    ....DR. MURPHY
    (dumbfounded)
    Not me.

    .....TOM
    Urine is mostly water! You know what she does? When she's on her period she pulls her tampons out and smells them!

    .....DR. MURPHY
    Pissing on a tree all of a sudden seems normal.

    Rachael looks over at Tom and gives him the stink eye like she can't believe he gave that up. Rachael looks at Dr. Murphy.

    .....RACHAEL
    All this coming from a man who picks his nose then rolls it in his fingers until it's a nice formed ball and then he flicks onto the rug.

    ....DR. MURPHY
    Now that's disgusting.

    ....TOM
    You're talking to a woman that when she wipes her ass she has to look what is on the toilet paper.

    Dr. Murphy's face sours.

    .....RACHAEL
    He farts into a container because he loves to breathe them in through his mouth.

    Dr. Murphy dry heaves.

    ....TOM
    She bites her toe nails and eats the clippings!

    ....RACHAEL
    It's good for your teeth! He---

    .....DR. MURPHY
    SHUT-UP!!!!!!

    Tom and Rachael turn into students in front of the principal. Silent and frozen.

    .....DR. MURPHY
    You two are the most disgusting, vile people I've ever come across! One thing is for sure. You two deserve each other like no other man and woman on this earth.

    Tom and Rachael look at each other. There's a beat then they are lip locked. Passionately kissing. Tom sticks his tongue in her mouth for a long kiss then moves on to her neck.

    .....RACHAEL
    Did you just breathe in a fart?

    .....TOM
    (muffled)
    Uh-huh.

    Dr. Murphy holds his hand to his mouth and runs out of the room.

    ************************************************** **

    I hope people jump in here and take part. We can add comments and remarks to the scene and people can give them another crack. The point is to get in there and practice your way working through a scene.

  • #2
    Re: Scene Practice

    TOMMY: Hi
    FLOWER SHOP OWNER: Can I help you?
    TOMMY: Can I have a dozen red roses please?
    FLOWER SHOP OWNER: Oh hey Johnny, I didn't know it was you! Here you go.
    TOMMY: That's me! How much is it?
    FLOWER SHOP OWNER: That'll be $18.
    TOMMY: Here you go, keep the change. Oh hai doggie!
    FLOWER SHOP OWNER: You're my favorite customer.
    TOMMY: Thanks a lot. Bye.
    FLOWER SHOP OWNER: Bye, bye.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Scene Practice

      No experts please. This isn't for people that have conquered scene writing.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Scene Practice

        Originally posted by Cyfress View Post
        No experts please. This isn’t for people that have conquered scene writing.
        Well... darn!

        I'm glad this forum is getting some use again. I've kind of missed the "contests."

        If you ever need an online and easy way to post script snippets here, you can go to YouMeScript.com, type in your scene and export to text. It does everything right except for the action lines, so you'll have to shorten those to proper format... This was done completely at YouMeScript... (and its "quality" proves that I should be allowed to post here!)

        Code:
        INT. LIVING ROOM — DAY
        
        JOE and BOB are watching NASCAR on TV. They're thrilled 
        that the cars are circling the track over and over again.
        
        	                     BOB
        	      Damn, this is great.
        
        		             JOE
        	      Sure is.
        
        			     BOB
        	      I love watching NASCAR.
        
        			     JOE
        	      Me too. Me too.
        
        PETE enters.
        
        			    PETE
        	      Wow, NASCAR!
        
        JACK walks in.
        
        		            JACK
        	      Damyum, NASCAR!
        
        		            JOE
        	      Great, ain't it?
        
        EXT. FRONT YARD — CONTINUOUS
        Last edited by Centos; 03-10-2020, 10:36 PM.
        STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I'm a wannabe, take whatever I write with a huge grain of salt.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Scene Practice

          Code:
                         Two tough old guys are in each others face.  Alberto sports 
                         a long ago busted bent nose.  Danny has a scar running down 
                         the side of his face and a cigar hanging from his mouth.   
          
                         Alberto swings at Danny but Danny blocks it with his huge 
                         paw of a fist.
          
                                               DANNY
                                   Try that again, I'll turn your 
                                   knuckles into minced meat.
          
                         The sound of a very wet fart echoes off the bathroom tiles...  
          
                         PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP PHAP PHAP SPLASH PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP 
                         PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP PHAP PHAP SPLUUUUUUTER PLAP PHAP 
                         PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
          
                         Danny points to a series of switches on the wall next to 
                         Alberto.
          
                         Alberto flips one of the switches while holding his breath. 
          
                         The room is flooded with intense red light.
          
                         Danny shakes his head, no.
          
                         Alberto flips off the hot lamps.
          
                         PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP PHAP
          
                         Alberto flips another switch.
          
                         An incredibly powerful and equally noisy fan roars to life.  
          
                         It sucks their hair upwards along with the toilet paper.
          
                         Danny grabs at the toilet paper as it flies up towards the 
                         fan.
          
                                               DANNY
                                        (yells)
                                   I know the police force is cutting 
                                   back, and New York City is almost 
                                   bankrupt.
          
                         Alberto cups an ear towards Danny.
          
                                               DANNY
                                        (yells)
                                   But I'm not losing my job...
          
                         PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP SPUDER
          
                         PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP PHAP PHAP PHAP
          
                                               DANNY
                                        (yells)
                                   And collect a government handout 
                                   and...
          
                         PHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP PHAP PHAP PRAAAAAAAAP
          
                         Alberto sways. His face red from holding his breath.
          
                         He grasps the side of the sink as he struggles to point toward 
                         the toilet bowl.
          
                                               DANNY
                                        (yells)
                                   ...I'm definitely not going to 
                                   adjust...
          
                         Danny raises his hands in mock defiance. He makes exaggerated 
                         motions as he flushes the toilet.
          
                                               DANNY
                                        (yells)
                                   ...my personality for an old loser 
                                   like you.
          
                         Danny's cigar is sucked upwards.
          
                         Danny shakes a fistful of toilet paper at Alberto...
          
                                               DANNY
                                        (yells)
                                   So if I ask you how many times you 
                                   f***ed your wife, don't get so worked 
                                   up.
          
                                               ALBERTO
                                   What?


          Hey! You might do it in your house, but in this house we don't lick our butts. -- Mother Teresa

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Scene Practice

            NASCAR indeed.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Scene Practice

              Scene description: A NYC detective on medical leave takes a break while on his daily walk in the park. The detective strikes up a conversation with a stranger that leaves him wondering. (3 pages)
              Code:
                             EXT. PARK - DAY
              
                             Heat waves rise off the sun-baked boardwalk, giving us a 
                             distorted view of SAILBOATS cruising the river in the 
                             distance.
              
                             A group of dogwalkers huddle under the shade of a giant oak.
              
                             BOARDWALK
              
                             SYKES (late 50s), beefy build, slows his walking pace, wipes 
                             sweat from his balding sunburnt brow, plops down on a park 
                             bench.
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       Whew! Hot enough for you?
              
                             He glances toward the far end of the bench.
              
                             REDHEAD GUY (40s), hair slicked-back, eyes hidden behind 
                             mirrored aviators, wearing a long sleeve flannel shirt, 
                             khakis.  He stares straight ahead, nods.
              
                             Sykes takes a swig from a water bottle. 
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       When I was a kid... 
              
                             He gestures toward the river.
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       We'd dive off the Fifth-Street Pier 
                                       and float all the way down to the 
                                       beach.
              
                             He looks over to Redhead Guy.
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       But right now, if it were up to me, 
                                       I'd have my ass parked in front of 
                                       an air conditioner, sipping an ice 
                                       cold bourbon.
              
                             Redhead Guy stares straight ahead.
              
                                                   REDHEAD GUY
                                       Then, why are you here?
                                            (monotone)
              
                             Syke's huffs.
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       Damn good question.  Medical leave 
                                       from the precinct.
              
                             Redhead Guy quickly turns his head.  We see Sykes' reflection 
                             in the mirrored lenses. 
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       Doc says I'm diabetic, wants me 
                                       walkin' a mile a day.
              
                             Sykes notices Redhead Guy's foot tapping rapidly on the 
                             boardwalk planks.
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       Sonofabitch is fatter than me, told 
                                       him he outta get his lard ass out 
                                       here and--
              
                                                   WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
                                            (Yelling)
                                       Homer, you come here, right now!
              
                             A YOUNG WOMAN races past, zigzagging, desperately chasing 
                             her escaped cocker spaniel.
              
                                                   SYKES (O.S.)
                                       How 'bout you?  Don't remember seeing 
                                       you out here.
              
                             Redhead Guy cracks a smile, tracks the frantic dog owner, as 
                             if Sykes never spoke.
              
                                                   REDHEAD GUY
                                       Reminds me when they sent me to 
                                       granddaddy's farm.
              
                                                   SYKES
                                       Yeah?  How's that?
              
                             (BEGIN FLASHBACK)
              
                             EXT. BARNYARD - DAY
              
                             A TEENAGE REDHEAD GUY darts back and forth, chasing a flock 
                             of screeching CHICKENS.  He dives for a FAT HEN, kicks up 
                             a cloud of dust as his spindly body hits the ground.   
              
                             A GRIZZLED OLD MAN in overalls clutches the hen, guides 
                             the teen's hand over the bird's neck.
              
                             Teenage Redhead Boy, eyes wide, flinches as he presses the flailing 
                             hen against a chopping block.
              
                                                   GRIZZLED OLD MAN
                                       Squeeze her neck... cuts the blood 
                                       flow... stops her from kicking.
              
                             Teenage Redhead Boy squeezes.  The bird's body goes limp.
              
                                                   REDHEAD GUY (V.O.)
                                       I was shaking, ready to vomit.  Then 
                                       Grandad handed me the hatchet.
              
                             (RETURN TO SCENE)
              
                             EXT. PARK - DAY
              
                             CLOSE UP - A distorted REFLECTION of Sykes' puzzled face in 
                             Redhead's mirrored sunglasses.
              
                                                   REDHEAD GUY
                                       I was ok after that.  Kinda calm.
              
                             (RETURN TO FLASHBACK)
              
                             EXT. BARNYARD - DAY
              
                             Teenage Redhead Guy stares down, eyes fixed.  He raises the 
                             hatchet.
              
                             THWAT!
              
                             BLOOD splatters across Teenage Redhead Guy's face.
              
                             (RETURN TO SCENE)
              
                             EXT. PARK - DAY
              
                             The Young Woman scoops up her dog.
              
                             Redhead Guy turns his head slowly toward Sykes.
              
                                                   REDHEAD GUY
                                       It was like she knew what I had to 
                                       do.
              Last edited by bioprofessor; 03-24-2020, 05:51 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Scene Practice

                Originally posted by Cyfress View Post
                Getting good at scene writing as we all know is so important. I am starting this thread for people to practice. Any scene. A stand alone or something from a script.

                I'll start. I don't have any screenwriting software at the moment so I'm gonna write a quick scene in the browser.

                INT. MARRIAGE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE

                DR. RYAN MURPHY, 40s dressed in a nice suit with glasses. He has gray streaks on the sides of his jet black hair. He opens the door.

                ....DR. MURPHY
                Please Come in.

                TOM WINTERS, 40s, walks in followed by his wife RACHAEL, 40s. They are amidst a silent argument filled with all the facial expressions and mouth movements but no sound.

                .....DR. MURPHY
                Ah. Please. Have a seat.

                Tom and Rachael sit down in the two chairs in front of the desk in the middle of their silent argument.

                .....DR. MURPHY
                Hello?

                On cue both Tom and Rachael stop and look at Dr. Murphy with a huge smile.

                .....DR. MURPHY
                Good. Now why don't you tell me what's been going on.

                .....TOM
                Pretty much if she had a butler, ringing a bell to call for him would be too much work.

                .....RACHAEL
                Me? Our couch has an imprint of your ass because you never move it from there.

                Tom leans in to the doctor.

                .....TOM
                She lets her arm pit hair grow real long and then saves the trimmings to make a scarf.

                Dr. Murphy's face winces.

                .....RACHAEL
                He urinates by the tree in our backyard. Who does that?

                ....DR. MURPHY
                (dumbfounded)
                Not me.

                .....TOM
                Urine is mostly water! You know what she does? When she's on her period she pulls her tampons out and smells them!

                .....DR. MURPHY
                Pissing on a tree all of a sudden seems normal.

                Rachael looks over at Tom and gives him the stink eye like she can't believe he gave that up. Rachael looks at Dr. Murphy.

                .....RACHAEL
                All this coming from a man who picks his nose then rolls it in his fingers until it's a nice formed ball and then he flicks onto the rug.

                ....DR. MURPHY
                Now that's disgusting.

                ....TOM
                You're talking to a woman that when she wipes her ass she has to look what is on the toilet paper.

                Dr. Murphy's face sours.

                .....RACHAEL
                He farts into a container because he loves to breathe them in through his mouth.

                Dr. Murphy dry heaves.

                ....TOM
                She bites her toe nails and eats the clippings!

                ....RACHAEL
                It's good for your teeth! He---

                .....DR. MURPHY
                SHUT-UP!!!!!!

                Tom and Rachael turn into students in front of the principal. Silent and frozen.

                .....DR. MURPHY
                You two are the most disgusting, vile people I've ever come across! One thing is for sure. You two deserve each other like no other man and woman on this earth.

                Tom and Rachael look at each other. There's a beat then they are lip locked. Passionately kissing. Tom sticks his tongue in her mouth for a long kiss then moves on to her neck.

                .....RACHAEL
                Did you just breathe in a fart?

                .....TOM
                (muffled)
                Uh-huh.

                Dr. Murphy holds his hand to his mouth and runs out of the room.

                ************************************************** **

                I hope people jump in here and take part. We can add comments and remarks to the scene and people can give them another crack. The point is to get in there and practice your way working through a scene.
                Huh?
                Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Scene Practice

                  Originally posted by Centos View Post
                  Well... darn!

                  I'm glad this forum is getting some use again. I've kind of missed the "contests."

                  If you ever need an online and easy way to post script snippets here, you can go to YouMeScript.com, type in your scene and export to text. It does everything right except for the action lines, so you'll have to shorten those to proper format... This was done completely at YouMeScript... (and its "quality" proves that I should be allowed to post here!)
                  Cool link. But it also doesn't format multi-line dialogue either unfortunately.

                  Code:
                  A CAT stands up on its hind legs and watches a HUMAN go down 
                  on all fours.
                  
                  				CAT
                  		Hello there, hooman!
                  
                  				HOOMAN
                  		Meow.
                  
                  The Cat looks straight at us, baffled.
                  
                  The CAMERA PUSHES IN into one of the Cat's eyes until the 
                  screen is filled with-–
                  
                  -–BLACKNESS...
                  
                  Then a line HIPPOS in ballerina costumes fade into view, 
                  dancing in perfect unison.
                  
                  CROSSHAIRS appear over the head of one of the Hippos...
                  
                  BANG - a geyser of blood spews out of the Hippo's head. The 
                  other Hippos SCREAM and scatter as the CAMERA PULLS OUT...
                  
                  Out of the IRIS of someone's eye. It belongs to-–
                  
                  -–Jesus. No wait, it's actually full bearded, JARED LETO. 
                  Meditating with open eyes next to a tree in the desert.
                  
                  A NATIVE AMERICAN with a shotgun approaches Jared. Jared 
                  looks up to him.
                  
                  				JARED
                  		I understand now. Hippos scream 
                                  like humans, but humans meow like 
                                  cats, and cats talk like humans.
                  
                  The Native American nods thoughtfully. Then cocks his 
                  shotgun.
                  
                  				NATIVE AMERICAN
                  		Get out of my yard.
                  
                  WIDEN to reveal Jared is sitting in some guy's yard.
                  
                  					CUT TO:
                  
                  
                  EXT. SOME GUY'S HOUSE - DAY
                  
                  Jared scampers away from the house in his sandals and toga.
                  
                  The Native American FIRES his shotgun into the air to scare 
                  him some more.
                  
                  Jared flinches but keeps on running.
                  
                  An open-top Cadillac tears into view and pulls up before 
                  Jared. Jared dives into the back.
                  
                  				JARED
                  		Go-go-go!
                  
                  The Cadillac tears away, kicking up a cloud of dust.
                  
                  
                  INT. CADILLAC - DAY
                  
                  The DRIVER looks over to Jared recovering in the back.
                  
                  				DRIVER
                  		You get it?
                  
                  				JARED
                  		Yes! Get the president on the 
                                  phone. I have the answer that 
                                  will save us from this disease.
                  
                  The Driver smiles and floors it.
                  
                  
                  EXT. DESERT - SAME
                  
                  The Cadillac streams off into the distance.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Scene Practice

                    Check out the results of the Valentine's Day short script contest in Writing Exercises forum

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Scene Practice

                      Originally posted by Cyfress View Post
                      Getting good at scene writing as we all know is so important. I am starting this thread for people to practice. Any scene. A stand alone or something from a script.

                      I'll start. I don't have any screenwriting software at the moment so I'm gonna write a quick scene in the browser.

                      INT. MARRIAGE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE

                      DR. RYAN MURPHY, 40s dressed in a nice suit with glasses. He has gray streaks on the sides of his jet black hair. He opens the door.

                      ....DR. MURPHY
                      Please Come in.

                      TOM WINTERS, 40s, walks in followed by his wife RACHAEL, 40s. They are amidst a silent argument filled with all the facial expressions and mouth movements but no sound.

                      .....DR. MURPHY
                      Ah. Please. Have a seat.

                      Tom and Rachael sit down in the two chairs in front of the desk in the middle of their silent argument.

                      .....DR. MURPHY
                      Hello?

                      On cue both Tom and Rachael stop and look at Dr. Murphy with a huge smile.

                      .....DR. MURPHY
                      Good. Now why don't you tell me what's been going on.

                      .....TOM
                      Pretty much if she had a butler, ringing a bell to call for him would be too much work.

                      .....RACHAEL
                      Me? Our couch has an imprint of your ass because you never move it from there.

                      Tom leans in to the doctor.

                      .....TOM
                      She lets her arm pit hair grow real long and then saves the trimmings to make a scarf.

                      Dr. Murphy's face winces.

                      .....RACHAEL
                      He urinates by the tree in our backyard. Who does that?

                      ....DR. MURPHY
                      (dumbfounded)
                      Not me.

                      .....TOM
                      Urine is mostly water! You know what she does? When she's on her period she pulls her tampons out and smells them!

                      .....DR. MURPHY
                      Pissing on a tree all of a sudden seems normal.

                      Rachael looks over at Tom and gives him the stink eye like she can't believe he gave that up. Rachael looks at Dr. Murphy.

                      .....RACHAEL
                      All this coming from a man who picks his nose then rolls it in his fingers until it's a nice formed ball and then he flicks onto the rug.

                      ....DR. MURPHY
                      Now that's disgusting.

                      ....TOM
                      You're talking to a woman that when she wipes her ass she has to look what is on the toilet paper.

                      Dr. Murphy's face sours.

                      .....RACHAEL
                      He farts into a container because he loves to breathe them in through his mouth.

                      Dr. Murphy dry heaves.

                      ....TOM
                      She bites her toe nails and eats the clippings!

                      ....RACHAEL
                      It's good for your teeth! He---

                      .....DR. MURPHY
                      SHUT-UP!!!!!!

                      Tom and Rachael turn into students in front of the principal. Silent and frozen.

                      .....DR. MURPHY
                      You two are the most disgusting, vile people I've ever come across! One thing is for sure. You two deserve each other like no other man and woman on this earth.

                      Tom and Rachael look at each other. There's a beat then they are lip locked. Passionately kissing. Tom sticks his tongue in her mouth for a long kiss then moves on to her neck.

                      .....RACHAEL
                      Did you just breathe in a fart?

                      .....TOM
                      (muffled)
                      Uh-huh.

                      Dr. Murphy holds his hand to his mouth and runs out of the room.

                      ************************************************** **

                      I hope people jump in here and take part. We can add comments and remarks to the scene and people can give them another crack. The point is to get in there and practice your way working through a scene.
                      Comments:

                      I would say start the scene with... "Tell me what's going on."

                      The banter is good for a bit, but that's all it is, banter.

                      It's basically the same beat over and over again, so it gets repetitive really fast. What I'd say is consider developing it in a way where they actually are hurt by the other's betrayal of the sacred wedding bond, right?

                      Some things should never be repeated. Their comments and betrayal mean nothing if they do not inflict pain or cause some kind of emotional reaction. When people are hurt, they strike back attempting to "one-up" the other person.

                      This scene doesn't reveal the emotional impact of the word-slinging.

                      Each character's bad habits, regardless of how disgusting, have a motive behind them, that's what you want to reveal, because that's what makes it personal and that's what makes it interesting.

                      What could also be developed across the scene is sexual tension. It needs to be witnessed as it builds. A playful edge like in Mr. and Mrs Smith, so that when they start making out, we've felt the tension building through both the subtext of what they're saying and their own body language. A comment like, "it makes me so hot." The other person reacts, "you're so disgusting." Then, "it makes you hot, really?"

                      Banter is fun, but a scene must reveal something the characters are trying to hide from each other because revealing it makes them vulnerable. We want to see them vulnerable. We can identify with vulnerable.

                      And we also want the scene to advance in some way, whether it's positive or negative. This scene must have a function. It must deliver something that moves the story forward. Maybe at the end of the scene they turn to the therapist and say in unison... "who do you think is right?"

                      The scene needs to end up in a different place than we started. Someone needs to win and someone needs to lose. Someone reverses the power over the other. Or, power is increased, but something changes. If we end up in the same place we started, chances are the scene can/should be removed.

                      Also, it's difficult to tell who has the power in the scene and what each character wants. They need to have a motive for what they say. Someone needs to be trying to get something from the other person and that person doesn't want to give it to them, because they want something different for themselves. Whose POV is the scene from?

                      And what if the couple joined forces and turned on the therapist himself?

                      just some quick thoughts to consider.
                      FA4
                      "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist,- Pablo Picasso

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Scene Practice

                        Code:
                        INT. CASINO - NIGHT
                        
                        An empty casino.
                        
                        Jazzy music playing softly.
                        
                        Chips stacked high, cards thrown around. There's a chair that's been flipped 
                        upside down.
                        
                        Along one wall are pictures, showing high rollers smiling with different men 
                        wearing black suits and black ties.
                        
                        There's a faint rumbling, growing...
                        
                        We stop in front of a door, the rumbling grows louder as the door--
                        
                        --SLAMS open, FOUR PEOPLE shoving their way inside.
                        
                        The noise is deafening, like an approaching landslide, filled with screaming 
                        metal.
                        
                        GIBSON and DONALD are dressed in security uniforms. 
                        
                        SARAH and HENRIX are dressed in lab coats.
                        
                        Gibson slams the door shut behind him and the rumbling sounds fade.
                        
                        				GIBSON
                        			(To Donald)
                        		Raise them on the scanner! We've got--
                        
                        				DONALD
                        		Don't you think I've tried that? The link's gone, it's ****ing--
                        
                        				GIBSON
                        		Calm down, just stop a second. Have you tried the emergen--
                        
                        				DONALD
                        		Of course I have! Look.
                        
                        He turns a dial on his radio and the sound of tearing metal floods through, 
                        with faint sounds in the background.
                        
                        				SARAH
                        		Wait...
                        
                        They all gather close to the radio.
                        
                        				SARAH (CONT'D)
                        		Is that...
                        
                        There's a thunderous explosion and the faint sounds are suddenly too loud and 
                        too clear. People screaming in terror.
                        
                        After a moment Donald shuts off the radio.
                        
                        Sarah sways, and Henrix steadies her.
                        
                        				HENRIX
                        		Sit down.
                        
                        				SARAH
                        		We can't stop, we have to--
                        
                        				HENRIX
                        		Your heartrate is out of control, you're on the  
                                        verge of going into shock. Just sit down.
                        
                        He leads her to a poker table and helps her sit.
                        
                        				SARAH
                        		Thank you, I... I don't... I couldn't... those people...
                        
                        				HENRIX
                        		I know. Just calm down. Breath.
                        
                        He holds her hand and Sarah shuts her eyes, hyperventilating. Sounds around 
                        her fade as she tries to her stop hands from shaking.
                        
                        After a few moments she opens her eyes, studies the wall in front of her.
                        
                        She focuses on a small ripple, a tiny bulge in the wallpaper, that starts at the 
                        top and moves down.
                        
                        She stands up, moves towards it. 
                        
                        				GIBSON
                        		How much time do we have?
                        
                        				DONALD
                        		How should I know? It's probably already too late.
                        
                        				GIBSON
                        		Well--
                        
                        Sarah studies the moving bulge in the wall paper. She pushes it with her 
                        finger, takes a pen and pokes it. The wallpaper tears open, vomits a stream of 
                        water.
                        
                        She steps back, looks up. More bulges are descending along the wall, the 
                        wallpaper cracking beneath the pressure of the water.
                        
                        				SARAH
                        		Henrix...
                        
                        Henrix comes and stands beside her, sees the wall...
                        
                        				HENRIX
                        		Jesus. God, oh God-–
                        
                        Close on Sarah's face.
                        
                        				GIBSON
                        		What are our options?
                        
                        				DONALD
                        		Same way we came in.
                        
                        				SARAH
                        		Captain...
                        
                        				GIBSON (O.S.)
                        		It's impossible. I saw it go damnit, we've got to-–
                        
                        				SARAH
                        			(voice rising)
                        		Captain!
                        
                        				GIBSON (O.S.)
                        		We're running around in circles, there's got to be--
                        
                        				SARAH & HENRIX
                        		CAPTAIN!
                        
                        Gibson turns around.
                        
                        				GIBSON
                        		What?!
                        
                        He sees the wall.
                        
                        				GIBSON (CONT'D)
                        		F***.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Scene Practice

                          Just gonna leave us hanging, huh?

                          Never poke a bulge with your pen.
                          Check out the results of the Valentine's Day short script contest in Writing Exercises forum

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Scene Practice

                            HENRIX
                            I know. Just calm down. Breathe.

                            Well done. A real cliffhanger. Sounds like an Irwin Allen Poseidon Adventure, (1972), kind of vibe in an undersea gambling resort.
                            "Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down.- - Ray Bradbury

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Scene Practice

                              Thanks for the feedback guys, it's much appreciated. It's currently a work in progress and you're right TigerFang it's a story taking place in an undersea city

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