What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

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  • #46
    Re: What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

    Originally posted by emily blake View Post
    Oooh it's become an exercise in style.

    Ray takes aim, crosshairs right on Colin's pudgy face.

    Colin sips his lemonade, crunches on a piece of ice.

    Ray sweats. Wipes his forehead. Can he do it?

    He pulls the trigger-

    BAM!

    A Fat Lady's head pops open. Blood and brain matter splash into Colin's lemonade.
    What would elevate this into the realm of greatness is if Colin keeps sipping his lemonade.
    "Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.-
    ― Ray Bradbury

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    • #47
      Re: What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

      Ray takes aim, crosshairs right on Colin's pudgy face.

      Colin sips his lemonade, crunches on a piece of ice.

      Ray sweats. Wipes his forehead. Can he do it?

      He pulls the trigger.

      Whoosh!

      COLIN
      Hey, a$$hole! Who said you could use my water pistol?
      TimeStorm & Blurred Vision Book info & blog: https://stormingtime.com//

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      • #48
        Re: What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

        Originally posted by SuperScribe View Post
        Thanks, guys. That's kinda how I tend to write when left to my own devices.

        (I'm still not sure that example totally works. Then again, I'm an asshole when it comes to critiquing my own writing... even stuff I whipped up for a message board thread.)

        (This is pretty cool, though: http://johnaugust.com/archives/2009/writing-better-action)

        Be conservative when spreading the style in your writing ss. Doesn't take much to go from cool to crap.

        Good luck.

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        • #49
          Re: What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

          Why anyone tries to go up against SuperScribe, I will never know.

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          • #50
            Re: What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

            Originally posted by via negativa View Post
            Why anyone tries to go up against SuperScribe, I will never know.
            That's like asking JFK why we should send a man to the moon.

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            • #51
              Re: What's missing from most amateur screenplays?

              We can put a man on the moon, but we can't kill Colin.

              /shakes head

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