Query Letters I Love

[morphitologist]

A snarky manager has begun posting his favorite "bad queries" on a blog. While I find the ridicule of fellow writers somewhat painful, I think it's a great resource on what NOT to write in your query:

queryletters.blogspot.com/

[Zeicon]

It's old...

[BROUGHCUT]

still going?!

it's approaching grand-scale copyright infringement (or it would be, were these real queries -- I get the impression "managerguy" has way too much time on his or her hands).

Who needs a spec sale, you can just write a bad pitch, LOC it, and sue for low-six figures in statutory damages!

This 'manager' just gets hotter!

[cook]

Re: still going?!

I recognize some of those loglines from on this board

[OkeyDokey]

Re: still going?!

That site can be very educational.

[medic]

Re: still going?!

Creator of the site sounds like a real prick.

[morphitologist]

Re: still going?!

Unfortunately, his attitude is indicative of many of the people who serve as "gatekeepers" in Hollywood: Bitter ex-assistants not smart or talented enough to have a creative career of their own, never brave enough to stand up for work they believe in, and quick to heap dirision on anyone deemed unworthy.

[ivyleague3]

Re: still going?!

First and foremost, I receive a lot of the same query letters as him so it is all real.

It is all too real. It's like a bad nightmare.

>>"Bitter ex-assistants not smart or talented enough to have a creative career of their own"

You will never make it with that kind of attitude. It's a business, get over it or get out.

Also, most spec scripts sold by "unknowns" are actually scripts written by assistants to producers, agents, whatever.

>>"never brave enough to stand up for work they believe in, and quick to heap dirision on anyone deemed unworthy."

Have you actually read his blog?

[BROUGHCUT]

Re: still going?!

Don't buy it. If they're indeed real queries, the person posting them is almost certainly some bitter, soon to be "ex", assistant.

If the spin he's putting on it is accurate and these are real queries reprinted without permission, then he's exposing himself and his employer to substantial legal damages. And for what? To play funnyman to a bunch of anonymous strangers. Where's the "business" in that?

Every single one of these posts is prima facie copyright infringement. With letters, copyright belongs to the author, not the addressee. Query letters aren't exempt. Not even bad ones. I'm sure if he started posting "bad" scripts online you would see a potential problem with it. This is no different.

Things is, I think there are some good ideas to be found on here. Yesterday, for example, this was put up for ridicule:

LOGLINE:
When a young recruit is captured in Iraq, his guilt-ridden grandfather, a retired Marine in the early stages of Alzheimer's, attempts to find him and bring him home to safety.

Very difficult to get right, but that doesn't make it a bad logline. I think it's a remarkable idea. Almost certainly already stolen.

If this guy was an agent and sig to the MBA he probably wouldn't be doing this.

If he was your assistant and was slipping CLEINTS scripts or pitches to competitors before you sent them out, as opposed to prospective client's pitches, I'm sure you would have a problem with it. If people were sharing coverage you didn't like, you may decide to tip off the WGA. It's against your client's rights, afterall, and this is a business, afterall.

You can not deny that this blog has the potential to compromise the few good ideas that pop up on the site and is bad for the writers concerned. Agents and managers certainly didn't adopt the "get over it or get out" attitude to GoCoverage.com, when a website was interfering with their business by distributing outlines and reader reports.

There is no difference, legally or in principal, to publishing unsigned writers' written pitches on the internet without their permission.

[ivyleague3]

Re: Re: still going?!

Is it copyright infringement? Yes.

Still, the point is that the loglines are real and yes, most of them are terrible. Wait. All of them are terrible.


>>LOGLINE:
When a young recruit is captured in Iraq, his guilt-ridden grandfather, a retired Marine in the early stages of Alzheimer's, attempts to find him and bring him home to safety.


See this so-called "Drama" is never going to sell for two main reasons:
1. The protag is a grandfather.
2. Early stages of Alzheimers.

[DUCPHO]

Re: Re: still going?!

They really are pretty bad!:lol

[refriedwhiskey]

Re: Re: still going?!

That site is hilarious. I can't imagine anyone being outraged by it -- unless it just hits a little too close to home. :lol

[BROUGHCUT]

Re: Re: still going?!

See that's my point exactly. I agree all the rest at the moment are either plain, plain bad or nightmarish. But the ONLY "funny" thing about this particular logline is that it's highly unlikely to result in a big spec sale. I realise that more than a few managers are more interested in representing big specs than writers, but even if it has very limited commercial potential (it could conceivably sell for a reasonable amount and be offloaded to a classics division), it could be a great writing sample.

Half the story could be set in the past, who knows, but "early stages..." and "grandfather" does not rule out casting an actor in their fifties and it certainly doesn't obviate drama. Loaded thematically, which is what struck a chord with me, eg. Vietnam/Iraq and the narrowing of the gap between two (until now) disparate generations -- temporary reunion in this case due to the onset of Alzheimer's.... Doesn't have to be expensive, there's no way of knowing how far he gets on his quest to save the grandson. For all we know it could be "in the vein of The Straight Story"....

For all we know, there could be no grandson in Iraq, just the Alzheimer's and his guilt-ridden past, catching up with him.

Not a terrible logline, it has the germ of a good story, just not a high concept one.

Anyway, drifting off topic, my issue is really with the principal of it. Several of the additions to Script Sales would not look out of place on that site but in these cases someone obviously had the foresight to look beyond the log and read the script.

[refriedwhiskey]

Re: Re: still going?!

See that's my point exactly. I agree all the rest at the moment are either plain, plain bad or nightmarish. But the ONLY "funny" thing about this particular logline is that it's highly unlikely to result in a big spec sale.

I think the idea that somebody wrote a script about an old guy with Alzheimer's going to Iraq to rescue his grandson is pretty funny by itself.

I mean, come on. Picture the whacked-out movie-of-the-week material you're bound to get when blending a POW story with an Alzheimer's story.

It's like fish soda, a combination that never should've gotten past the "what if" stage. And it looks very much like the product of a newbie writer who was worried that his story of a retired Vietnam vet rescuing his soldier grandson wasn't edgy enough -- so he tacked on the Alzheimer's angle.

[v i o l e n t c a s e s]

Re: Re: still going?!

maybe it was about an old dude with alzheimer's that he wanted to punch up by adding the 'nam and iraq angle, refried.