Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

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  • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

    Originally posted by Dragonov22 View Post
    Haven't been on in a while, which I hate, cause I've been too busy rewriting "Forever-Men" into a totally different story, BUT I had to come and congratulate you.

    Awesome!

    Though, I don't think you mean You probably mean

    You da man. I ended up going with this (for now):When a supercomputer enslaves a metropolis by manipulating medical devices, then uses its army to annihilate those who resist, a droid captain learns the meaning of humanity as he helps a rebel free his people and avenge the murder of his father.

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    • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

      Originally posted by nativeson View Post
      When a supercomputer enslaves a metropolis by manipulating medical devices, then uses its army to annihilate those who resist, a droid captain learns the meaning of humanity as he helps a rebel free his people and avenge the murder of his father.
      Has Robopocalypse helped or hurt you, do you think?

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      • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

        Originally posted by robertcc View Post
        I'm not on the BL site. But based on the loglines posted here, if I were a DoD I'd definitely request:

        LRic54's APPEARANCES: An upstanding member of the Long Island Jewish Community is accused of falsifying his identity as a Holocaust survivor to cover his past as a Nazi war criminal.

        and

        Margie Kaptanoglu's SY BORGMAN: Transferring his mind into an android's body, a scientist becomes a servant droid to his ex-girlfriend hoping to eventually win her back.

        Each of them piqued my interest -- I could envision both cinematic and moral conflicts. Those titles aren't very catchy but they do their job. I believe Margie's revised logline also creates more empathy for the protagonist when compared with the previous iteration: "A pampered scientist finds himself trapped inside the artificial body of a servant-class android after uploading his mind into it for the purpose of spying on his ex-girlfriend to figure out how to win her back." The goal is now softer, however, and it may be better to swap it for your original: "...to figure out how to win her back."
        Robert, thanks, I really appreciate your interest. Also, great suggestion for improving the current logline; thank you!

        I have suspended hosting on the black list site for the time being, but if you or anyone else would like to read the script, please pm me.

        "Appearances- also sounds very interesting to me.

        My website:www.marjorykaptanoglu.com

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        • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

          Originally posted by robertcc View Post
          Has Robopocalypse helped or hurt you, do you think?
          I'd say neither at this point. From what little I know of it, there really isn't any similarity (AT ALL). And I must say, I thought of the name Hallowell (And wrote it in my draft) before Promethius. Most of the folks who read it kept referencing I Robot, as if every movie/script with an AI component to it has to be I Robot. While I in no way compare myself to the great RJ, like Looper, the Sci Fi in my plot is really just a backdrop for characters and theme. "It's like a finga, pointing to da moon......"

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          • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

            Decided to join in on the BL fun today. Just uploaded my action comedy:

            Joe's Big Toe
            https://blcklst.com/members/script/7406

            Logline: When his old boss tracks him down to settle a debt, a retired mercenary returns to action in order to survive - and more importantly, get his toe back.

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            • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

              The Agent

              A young singer does every con in the book to propel herself into a legitimate career in show business. Can she leave the past behind, or will despite all of her disguises and tricks, will it catch up with her?

              https://www.blcklst.com/members/script/7420
              Last edited by NYNEX; 03-05-2013, 10:26 AM.
              Check out my videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/NyFilmmaker32/videos

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              • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                You might want to take another pass at that logline...

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                • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                  Originally posted by Gary Dragan Milin View Post
                  You might want to take another pass at that logline...
                  Maybe NYNEX is writing in character. Maybe the protagonist is a Romanian who speaks broken English?
                  I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

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                  • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                    Thanks! I'm glad the logline appealed to you guys. If anyone is interested in reading the script, you can send me a PM.
                    It also won a major screenwriting contest (Slamdance).
                    Best,
                    Frederic

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                    • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                      Originally posted by FoxHound View Post
                      Maybe NYNEX is writing in character. Maybe the protagonist is a Romanian who speaks broken English?
                      There's nothing broken about my logline. The grammar is correct.
                      Check out my videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/NyFilmmaker32/videos

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                      • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                        Dunning-Kruger lives!
                        If you really like it you can have the rights
                        It could make a million for you overnight

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                        • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                          I agree with Gary about both loglines. Unless you're getting responses, I would highly recommend suspending your accounts and workshopping your loglines before continuing.

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                          • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                            Originally posted by robertcc View Post
                            I agree with Gary about both loglines. Unless you're getting responses, I would highly recommend suspending your accounts and workshopping your loglines before continuing.
                            I've gotten reads, thank you and responses off those log lines.

                            It amazes me, this disease going around called expertidis, where everyone is an all knowing expert on everything all of the time even though they often don't have crap going on in their own careers.

                            Bl doesn't rate loglines, they rate screenplays.

                            Oh, well, I'm off to an event at Tribeca, followed by an event at IFP. The past six months have been excellent in moving forward, in terms of my contact list, among other things. So you needn't worry about me, worry about yourself.
                            Last edited by NYNEX; 03-05-2013, 11:46 AM.
                            Check out my videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/NyFilmmaker32/videos

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                            • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                              Originally posted by NYNEX View Post
                              There's nothing broken about my logline. The grammar is correct.
                              The first will isn't necessary -- and it just doesn't read smoothly or seem that interesting or different from what we've seen before. But I know this will go ignored. Can't help those who don't want to help themselves.

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                              • Re: Will you consider rating my blcklst hosted script?

                                NYNEX, normally I refrain from helping writers whith your kind of attitude, since it's usually a waste of time.

                                But here's some advice for you regardless:

                                The best thing you can do to advance your career is learn to recognize good, well-meaning advice when you get it.

                                And secondly, never underestimate the value of a good logline in opening doors. It really is the magic key that can get you anywhere.

                                And that's great if you're getting requests off your current logline. But I guarantee you, you'll get more with a better one.

                                Now, I can't really come up with the ideal logline for your story, because I'm not familiar with it. But I can hopefully point you in the right direction:

                                The Agent

                                A young singer cons her way into a legitimate career in show business, only to have her past threaten to destroy her new and glamerous life.


                                This logline still needs something more. A hook to really draw people in. But without reading your script, I can't tell what that hook is.

                                And if nothing else, will you PLEASE at least get rid of that superflous "will"?

                                Thanks in advance,

                                Gary

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