First I want to take a moment to say I am not complaining about the Blacklist. From my experience, I would like to know how I can improve and get better. I want to be a screenwriter and I with that goal in mind, I must do all I can to hone my craft.
I thought using the coverage report from the Blacklist would help me better learn what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. I've read reviews of others and their readers gave really good feedback on how to improve their scripts. I don't think I received that and I'm confused as to what steps to take.
My review was a 4/10 for my comedy script.
Genre:
Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Sex Comedy
Logline:
As RANDOLPH and REBECCA prepare for their upcoming wedding, Randolph’s ex-fiancĂ© CLAIR comes back into the picture- and she wants him back.
Strengths:
The funniest parts in the script involve Randolph’s dubious career as a relationship guru, writing books that ostensibly help single men find women to marry them. Jacob points out that Randolph cannot truly be writing from a first-hand perspective, having never been married himself, and from what little we can discern of Randolph’s advice, it seems more catered to shallow sexual pursuits than long-lasting relationships. This is best illustrated by Aldo, Randolph’s biggest fan and the funniest character in the script. Aldo is so focused on the cruder sexual elements of the book he even throws Randolph off. Jacob is perhaps the most sympathetic character. He understands his brother and all he’s going through and offers him some sound advice- even if Randolph is less than willing to take it.
Weaknesses:
“Getting To I Do” has a thin plot that centers around a character we can never really like. Randolph is a disingenuous, foolish character who gets let off the hook far too easily. It’s understandable that he’s reluctant to tell Rebecca about Clair, but after a certain point his dishonesty is inexcusable. Letting Clair come into his house after she has made it painfully clear she wants to have sex with him is just inviting trouble. Clair seems unwilling to listen, but Rebecca is reasonable enough, so this is a plot that could be resolved easily if Randolph was simply forward enough to have an open conversation. The implication that Randolph still may have some feelings for Clair makes him even harder to like in this situation. The script does not treat its female very charitably. Rebecca is sympathetic but oblivious, and Clair and Annabelle are sex-crazed caricatures with little purpose besides pursuing Randolph. The crude humor is hit or miss. There is at least one conversation about sex toys too many, with the same joke repeated with less success. Giving Randolph’s mother and grandmother dirty mouths is an overused joke that doesn’t get too many laughs here.
Prospects:
“Getting To I Do” is funny, and it might be more successful if the focus were more on Randolph’s career. As is though, there's not much of a high concept here, and an audience might find certain elements and characters off-putting.
Pages:
91
I've read that if you disagree you should write an email. So I did and gave good points.
This is a farce comedy and not a romantic comedy. Farce is defined as a comic dramatic piece that uses highly improbable situations, stereotyped characters, extravagant exaggeration. Based on the readers notes I can assume that the script was read with the idea that the script was meant to be realistic love story like Maid in Manhattan. This is a farce comedy script. The way the reader describes my script is actually the way the way it is suppose to be. I am happy that the ready understood all that I was trying to do with this script.. But unfortunately they misunderstood the genre of my script.
The Blacklist did not agree with me.. So how do I improve my script, because using this readers coverage to do a rewrite would be plagiarism.
If you would like to read the script, it's open to all....
A. Kross
http://visionarymindofakross.blogspot.com/ (my self funded low budgets)
I thought using the coverage report from the Blacklist would help me better learn what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. I've read reviews of others and their readers gave really good feedback on how to improve their scripts. I don't think I received that and I'm confused as to what steps to take.
My review was a 4/10 for my comedy script.
Genre:
Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Sex Comedy
Logline:
As RANDOLPH and REBECCA prepare for their upcoming wedding, Randolph’s ex-fiancĂ© CLAIR comes back into the picture- and she wants him back.
Strengths:
The funniest parts in the script involve Randolph’s dubious career as a relationship guru, writing books that ostensibly help single men find women to marry them. Jacob points out that Randolph cannot truly be writing from a first-hand perspective, having never been married himself, and from what little we can discern of Randolph’s advice, it seems more catered to shallow sexual pursuits than long-lasting relationships. This is best illustrated by Aldo, Randolph’s biggest fan and the funniest character in the script. Aldo is so focused on the cruder sexual elements of the book he even throws Randolph off. Jacob is perhaps the most sympathetic character. He understands his brother and all he’s going through and offers him some sound advice- even if Randolph is less than willing to take it.
Weaknesses:
“Getting To I Do” has a thin plot that centers around a character we can never really like. Randolph is a disingenuous, foolish character who gets let off the hook far too easily. It’s understandable that he’s reluctant to tell Rebecca about Clair, but after a certain point his dishonesty is inexcusable. Letting Clair come into his house after she has made it painfully clear she wants to have sex with him is just inviting trouble. Clair seems unwilling to listen, but Rebecca is reasonable enough, so this is a plot that could be resolved easily if Randolph was simply forward enough to have an open conversation. The implication that Randolph still may have some feelings for Clair makes him even harder to like in this situation. The script does not treat its female very charitably. Rebecca is sympathetic but oblivious, and Clair and Annabelle are sex-crazed caricatures with little purpose besides pursuing Randolph. The crude humor is hit or miss. There is at least one conversation about sex toys too many, with the same joke repeated with less success. Giving Randolph’s mother and grandmother dirty mouths is an overused joke that doesn’t get too many laughs here.
Prospects:
“Getting To I Do” is funny, and it might be more successful if the focus were more on Randolph’s career. As is though, there's not much of a high concept here, and an audience might find certain elements and characters off-putting.
Pages:
91
I've read that if you disagree you should write an email. So I did and gave good points.
- Randolph is a disingenuous, foolish character who gets let off the hook far too easily.(In farce comedy, characters are suppose to be gullible. Gomer Pile was, and he always got away with it )
- It’s understandable that he’s reluctant to tell Rebecca about Clair, but after a certain point his dishonesty is inexcusable.( Which builds the tension and leads to the climax. Men are dumb. They think they can solve everything on their own. Like asking directions.)
- so this is a plot that could be resolved easily if Randolph was simply forward enough to have an open conversation. (In a comedy? This is what makes comedies funny. when the situation they are in is easily solvable to everyone but them.)
- The implication that Randolph still may have some feelings for Clair makes him even harder to like in this situation (Seems the reader might be suffering from personal issues with this topic. Again it a male driven story, We don't think like women. If Randolph did not still have feelings for Clair then what would his struggle be.)
- The script does not treat its female very charitably. Rebecca is sympathetic but oblivious, and Clair and Annabelle are sex-crazed caricatures with little purpose besides pursuing Randolph.(I can bet a million that the reader is a woman. No offense but this is a dead give away. Again, its not personal, it's comedy. The women are suppose to be that way.)
- The crude humor is hit or miss. There is at least one conversation about sex toys too many, with the same joke repeated with less success. Giving Randolph’s mother and grandmother dirty mouths is an overused joke that doesn’t get too many laughs here. (I understand if the reader didn't find humor in some of my jokes. What is a farce comedy without crude humor. Comedy is subjective. What makes one person laugh may not make the next Furthermore, the two sex toy jokes actually are meant to piggyback off one another..)
- “Getting To I Do” is funny, and it might be more successful if the focus were more on Randolph’s career. (Thank you for the advice, but the story is not about his career. It is about his struggle of getting to the altar and being a married man.)
- Strengths: The funniest parts in the script involve Randolph’s dubious career as a relationship guru, writing books that ostensibly help single men find women to marry them. Jacob points out that Randolph cannot truly be writing from a first-hand perspective, having never been married himself, and from what little we can discern of Randolph’s advice, it seems more catered to shallow sexual pursuits than long-lasting relationships. This is best illustrated by Aldo, Randolph’s biggest fan and the funniest character in the script. Aldo is so focused on the cruder sexual elements of the book he even throws Randolph off. Jacob is perhaps the most sympathetic character. He understands his brother and all he’s going through and offers him some sound advice- even if Randolph is less than willing to take it.( This entire paragraph reads like it belongs in the synopsis section than the strengths. In the prospect section, it say the script is funny. That is a strength. It should read Getting to I do is a funny script.The funniest parts in the script involve Randolph’s dubious career as a relationship guru....)
This is a farce comedy and not a romantic comedy. Farce is defined as a comic dramatic piece that uses highly improbable situations, stereotyped characters, extravagant exaggeration. Based on the readers notes I can assume that the script was read with the idea that the script was meant to be realistic love story like Maid in Manhattan. This is a farce comedy script. The way the reader describes my script is actually the way the way it is suppose to be. I am happy that the ready understood all that I was trying to do with this script.. But unfortunately they misunderstood the genre of my script.
The Blacklist did not agree with me.. So how do I improve my script, because using this readers coverage to do a rewrite would be plagiarism.
If you would like to read the script, it's open to all....
A. Kross
http://visionarymindofakross.blogspot.com/ (my self funded low budgets)
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