My first Blacklist review - 8

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  • #61
    Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

    Not a gripe because the component scores were 7s and 8s and an overall 7 (and this was a bonus read for an 8) but man, this is severely lacking from my POV. The Weaknesses were great because it was legitimate criticism of tone in a couple of key moments. I don't mean to pile on this reader and am very much a proponent of the site still but the quality of this is disappointing. It's half a summary and a poor, non-linear one. Drunk? Not a native speaker? Just very weird.

    "This script is grounded first and foremost in a strong and compelling protagonist with Julien. She's complete with her own foibles and motivations. She's angry and competent. She joins the army, pretending to be a man. Later, she kisses Andy and then starts running to escape in one fell swoop. Then, she spares Harrison's life in the rain. She also doesn't kill her father. She's a rich figure. The premise is also bold and iconoclastic. In this alternate version of history, Robert E. Lee had a romantic relationship with a black woman and when she got pregnant, he betrayed the woman and never acknowledged the child, so now his daughter, Julien, is seeking revenge. It's memorable and a little brash in a good way and would command attention from critics at a minimum. The action can also be exciting. Early on, Ada stabs Targus, just trying to survive. Later, Andy is shot and dies. It's brutal and tragic."

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

      Originally posted by Satriales View Post
      Not a gripe because the component scores were 7s and 8s and an overall 7 (and this was a bonus read for an 8) but man, this is severely lacking from my POV. The Weaknesses were great because it was legitimate criticism of tone in a couple of key moments. I don't mean to pile on this reader and am very much a proponent of the site still but the quality of this is disappointing. It's half a summary and a poor, non-linear one. Drunk? Not a native speaker? Just very weird.

      "This script is grounded first and foremost in a strong and compelling protagonist with Julien. She's complete with her own foibles and motivations. She's angry and competent. She joins the army, pretending to be a man. Later, she kisses Andy and then starts running to escape in one fell swoop. Then, she spares Harrison's life in the rain. She also doesn't kill her father. She's a rich figure. The premise is also bold and iconoclastic. In this alternate version of history, Robert E. Lee had a romantic relationship with a black woman and when she got pregnant, he betrayed the woman and never acknowledged the child, so now his daughter, Julien, is seeking revenge. It's memorable and a little brash in a good way and would command attention from critics at a minimum. The action can also be exciting. Early on, Ada stabs Targus, just trying to survive. Later, Andy is shot and dies. It's brutal and tragic."
      Wow. This is by far the most poorly executed evaluation I've seen. It's like they just wrote a horrible synopsis.

      I'm sure it's hard to do (with the 7) but I would strongly urge you to report it. If your high score does garner an industry read, they're going to read those notes first and think WTF is this?

      I feel for you but it's in the best interest of everyone involved (writers, pros, and the BL) for you to bring this to their attention. It hurts the reputation and credibility of the site, and it's worthy of an immediate firing in my personal opinion.

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

        Originally posted by Bainbridge View Post
        Wow. This is by far the most poorly executed evaluation I've seen. It's like they just wrote a horrible synopsis.

        I'm sure it's hard to do (with the 7) but I would strongly urge you to report it. If your high score does garner an industry read, they're going to read those notes first and think WTF is this?

        I feel for you but it's in the best interest of everyone involved (writers, pros, and the BL) for you to bring this to their attention. It hurts the reputation and credibility of the site, and it's worthy of an immediate firing in my personal opinion.
        I'm totally sympathetic to your point of view and I have complained in the past when something was egregious. The 7 doesn't matter much to me at this point because it's being read at a few places and the response is positive.

        It's just a question of whether or not I want it on my conscience that some kid gets booted from this side gig because I complained. I'm probably more sensitive to this right now because I laid off three people at my day job recently. I do feel bad that people are paying 75 bucks for this. Mark me down as conflicted.

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

          Originally posted by Satriales View Post
          I'm totally sympathetic to your point of view and I have complained in the past when something was egregious. The 7 doesn't matter much to me at this point because it's being read at a few places and the response is positive.

          It's just a question of whether or not I want it on my conscience that some kid gets booted from this side gig because I complained. I'm probably more sensitive to this right now because I laid off three people at my day job recently. I do feel bad that people are paying 75 bucks for this. Mark me down as conflicted.
          Alternatively, do you want the credibility of a service, which we are relying on to further our career, to be tarnished, out of sympathy for a kid who doesn't do a good job in his "side gig," on your conscience? I think you have to put those emotions aside for the greater good here.
          Last edited by Bainbridge; 06-10-2016, 11:04 AM.

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

            I can only see the complaints skyrocketing on the BL. Now you're forced to pay 50% extra for reviews with THE SAME QUALITY AS BEFORE. I expect to get a much better analysis for $75.

            Because of subjectivity, you probably need 3 evals for a good assessment. That's $250 bucks! A good coverage service (like Drew's) will not only read over your script twice for the same price, but will write a great synopsis. And a "consider/recommend" can really help you since Drew is an optioned/sold writer with A+ credits.
            I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

              Originally posted by FoxHound View Post
              I can only see the complaints skyrocketing on the BL. Now you're forced to pay 50% extra for reviews with THE SAME QUALITY AS BEFORE. I expect to get a much better analysis for $75.
              and yet they have been hiring loads of new readers to handle the recent surge in demand. people vote with their feet

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                So I decided that I'd put the newest draft of TRACKER up on the Black List, because I know it's a lot better than the previous draft that got the first 8s. This went out last fall to a few studios and a few prodcos, as the reviewer comments state the budget puts it out of range for a lot of producers.

                I have a new sci-fi epic franchise piece (Wasteland: The Sixth State) that's out to a few (again due to the budget), so I'm trying to draw some attention to me as a writer. A few days ago I finished the first draft of the pilot for Wasteland, because it lends itself well to a series. That one will be ready to go out soon, too.

                I put the newest draft of Tracker up on 5/30/16 and paid for two evaluations. One came in today, an 8 overall. I have a second evaluation is currently assigned to a reader and it looks like there was a download on Friday the 10th. Prior to today there were also a couple of industry pro downloads. so hoping that increases as the email newsletter goes out.

                Currently, Tracker made it onto the top lists because there is a indy pro review, too, I guess that qualifies it. I left the previous reviews from last year and noted in the logline that this is a new draft uploaded 5/30/16.

                So it also now qualifies for two months hosting and two more evaluations, which I'm going to take advantage of. Opinions being subjective, I fully understand that this could hit someone the wrong way, but I'm hopeful that that won't be the case.

                I have also made it available for other writers to download Tracker, too, if you feel the reviews strike your interest, but know that it is dark and violent, which is built into the premise: experiencing a killer's memories-- we're not experiencing him baking sweeties for the children.

                I'm posting both of the public evaluations below and a link to the script's page for those who might find an interest in it. I'm going to be formulating a list of directors and actors that I can send it to, because it looks like it going to take a package to get it made.

                I know some have struggled with the Black List, but I do think it's important to show that it does and can work, too. Hopefully there will be more to talk about in the future.

                Here's the link: https://blcklst.com/members/scripts/view/26636

                Review #1:
                Era:
                2024

                Locations:
                Washington D.C., MSNBC Green Room, Infirmary, Laboratory, Park, Hospital, Various

                Budgets:
                High

                Genre:
                Action Thriller,Crime Drama,Horror,Sci-Fi Horror,Slashers & Psychos,Mystery & Suspense,Crime Thriller,Detective Film,Psychological Thriller,Sci-Fi Thriller

                Logline:
                An FBI agent hunts a sadistic killer who broadcasts his victims’ final days along with a countdown clock. As time runs out on the latest victim the agent agrees to work with the man who murdered his family, using his mind to track the killer on the loose.

                Strengths:
                The story’s future is dark (i.e. people pay for exclusive video content of murders) and fascinating. The first sequence has great pacing; the action doesn’t stop even for a moment. VAL is an updated version of the classic acutely observational detective*. The first act break is excellent; the conflict (serial killer BTK is on the loose) becomes personal with Val. Furthermore it provides proper motivation for Val to try the experimental tactic to catch BTK. Finally MONICA’S abduction includes a literal ticking clock that creates tension and showcases more of the odd, futuristic world (i.e. voyeurism theme). GRIFTKA works as an intellectual villain that lacks refinement. The wire cutters are excellent foreshadowing and also create tension. The KATE/Griftka minor subplot is well-done. The end of the second act has a great twist. Val’s progression with the technology is excellent as his arc. The third act is fantastic, great action, great tension and the ending is well-done.

                Weaknesses:
                The movie is very violent, from the opening sequence, which will limit its appeal among certain demographics. Val’s observational ability lends itself to his ability to disassociate (page 17) but the emotion he shows in the first sequence seems to rebuff that notion. Some of the dialogue sounds unnatural or clunky (ex: pages 22-24). The relationship between Val and AVAH feels a bit off (in the first half of the script); it seems odd that either one of them has decided to stay with each other (or get together in the first place given the circumstances). Later (pages 69-70) Avah’s ultimatum feels a little clich├ęd. The sequence from pages 35-52 might need to be shortened. Minor note: It seems that Agent FELDMAN would warn Avah earlier about using her phone (page 57).

                Prospects:
                The script has flashes of DEMOLITION MAN, MINORITY REPORT, and SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. The blending of genres should help its appeal but the gratuitous violence will force the film to have an R rating which will preclude some audiences from watching it. The script requires a high budget which eliminates many producers from consideration. From a casting perspective the roles of Val and Griftka should be able to attract top talent. Avah is a strong female character that should also be able to attract top talent. Val and Avah could both be strengthened if their relationship was augmented a bit. Overall the script has a great twisting plot, solid characters and plenty of originality. The script could be strengthened by shoring up motivations and a few interactions. Still, as presently written the script is definitely a candidate for consideration.

                Pages:
                123
                Review #2:
                Era:
                Present Day & Near Future

                Locations:
                East Coast / USA

                Budgets:
                High

                Genre:
                Action & Adventure,Action Thriller,Mystery & Suspense,Crime Thriller,Detective Film,Psychological Thriller,Sci-Fi Thriller,Sci-Fi & Fantasy,Psychological Sci-Fi

                Logline:
                A determined FBI agent with a dark past must use new technology go inside the mind of a sociopath in order to solve a mystery he's working on and catch a serial killer, but the sociopath's mind he is using belongs to the man that murdered his first wife and son.

                Strengths:
                This is an extremely well written script with a fantastic concept and a suspenseful plot. The world created here is perfect for the near future setting and isn't ever too over the top in the technology that we have to deal with as an audience. Val is a strong protagonist through and through and there are a ton of layers to his character. Everything from the obvious history he has with Griftka to his new family is well established and developed and that's before we even get a chance to get to know him as a hell bent and determined FBI agent who will stop at nothing to finish the job and catch his perp. The dialogue is natural and nail biting, creating a never cliche tone that never falls back on detective/FBI jargon to push the plot forward. There's a lot of emotion that comes from each of the character's interactions with Val and they stand out in individual ways. The dark nature to the script is executed powerfully and the writer doesn't hold back from creating some pretty gruesome images and sequences for the audience. It's juxtaposed nicely though through all of the human emotion that we get to see developed over the course of the script. WHOA, the twist at the end is so cool and intense and opens itself up for sequels. The empty feeling that the audience must go through when we think Val is lost is really intense.

                Weaknesses:
                Right now it feels like Brady's character is coming up a bit short in comparison to the other really well developed characters. We don't get a lot in line of his personal motives for why he's a part of all this or is passionate about it working out. We know he works well for the plot, and it is strong that he kind of hides from Val who's brain he's going to dive into, but there isn't a lot of personal growth for Brady. The same kind of goes for Dr. Peyton in that all of their scenes end up feeling sometimes repetitive in the ways that they interact with Val and commentate on the technology. The rest of the script never falls into this place, and for the most part these two characters work well to facilitate the plot and the story as well as Val's journey, but getting an extra sense of personality from both would make it easier to connect as an audience to their voices. Establishing a bit more about if other technologies have changed in the world would be cool to give the audience a better sense of how this near future has changed from the present day. This is a big development for only a few years into the future from the present day and it opens up some questions about this. It's not something that the audience has to dwell on, but might be a missed opportunity to expand on and make the world bigger for the sequels.

                Prospects:
                This is a very well written script that is sure to attract the attention of industry readers. It's SILENCE OF THE LAMBS meets MINORITY REPORT and creates a very powerful concept for the audience to get sucked into. The dialogue is sharp and Val, the protagonist, is sure to catch the attention of big time a list actors should this script make it into development. At the very least, the script moves at a polished and quick pace that is going to make for a very strong writing sample.

                Pages:
                114
                This second one is for the previous draft, and all the weaknesses were addressed in the new draft.

                If you do read it and have an idea of which directors or actors might be a good fit, I'd love to hear from you.

                And, thank you Leonard and everyone at the Black List for working to connect indy pros with writers-- it never hurts to have one more tool in the box.

                I appreciate your time and consideration.
                Sincerely,
                Lisa

                Post Edit: 6/17: I added my new spec for anyone who might be interested in reading a post-apocalyptic dystopian sci-fi thriller.

                Title: Wastland: The Sixth State
                Genre: Sci-fi action adventure
                Budget: High

                Logline: In a future decimated by plague, a young woman who's blood holds the key to saving humanity, must trust a renegade smuggler with ulterior motives as they flee across a violent Wasteland pursued by powerful forces who aim to use her blood for themselves.
                Last edited by finalact4; 06-17-2016, 05:12 PM. Reason: Additional information
                "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist,- Pablo Picasso

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                  Originally posted by Bainbridge View Post
                  Alternatively, do you want the credibility of a service, which we are relying on to further our career, to be tarnished, out of sympathy for a kid who doesn't do a good job in his "side gig," on your conscience? I think you have to put those emotions aside for the greater good here.
                  So I brought this review to the attention of the site a couple of weeks ago. I had two more come in during this time. Now I had received 7s and 8s previously. Got a THREE today. I don't believe this script is a 3. However, if you wanted to argue it was and did so clearly and concisely, te salute. That's the business. But when, once again, I get a poor plot rehash for strengths (now I understand a 3 inherently has little strength, but...) as well as poor spelling and flawed logic, it's an issue.

                  Strengths: THE BASTARD OF ROBERT E. LEE shows the impact that actions can have on people. Though there may be historical discrepancies, Julien's character is reminicent of MULAN. Julien used the identity of a deceased soldier in order to get into the army and try to achieve her goal. Her character showed determination and although there were some struggles along the way, she earned the respect of those around her. The scene where Julien finally confronts Robert E. Lee was impactful, and even though she didn't end up shooting or killing him, she was able to get some solace from him before she was killed.

                  This is bananas. It's like an eighth grade book report. As for "historical discrepancies" - it's a work of fiction. Robert E. Lee didn't have a multi-racial illegitimate daughter. "Reminicent"

                  Weaknesses:
                  Also, thought the plot is based on Julien trying to find General Lee in order to avenge her mother, the historical accuracy of this story in questionable. The story of a bastard child to Robert E. Lee is not a well known one, and the fact that this particular tale involves a half African-American female who assumed the identity of a white male soldier seems a bit implausible, and if it actually had happened, it would be a more well known story.


                  It's not well known because it's completely made up. I can't even begin to unwind the pretzel logic at play here.

                  Prospects:
                  Also, since it's unclear weather this is a story that is true or not, it might be difficult to get an audience to support a film like this. People enjoy triumph stories, but this would be a case where historical accuracy would be key.


                  It might be difficult to get an audience to support a fictional movie with real historical figures in it? Great point, don't think there's any precedent for that at the movies. Also, "weather."

                  I have got a lot of traction from the site but I will have a hard time giving them any more money going forward.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                    Originally posted by Satriales View Post
                    So I brought this review to the attention of the site a couple of weeks ago. I had two more come in during this time. Now I had received 7s and 8s previously. Got a THREE today. I don't believe this script is a 3. However, if you wanted to argue it was and did so clearly and concisely, te salute. That's the business. But when, once again, I get a poor plot rehash for strengths (now I understand a 3 inherently has little strength, but...) as well as poor spelling and flawed logic, it's an issue.

                    Strengths: THE BASTARD OF ROBERT E. LEE shows the impact that actions can have on people. Though there may be historical discrepancies, Julien's character is reminicent of MULAN. Julien used the identity of a deceased soldier in order to get into the army and try to achieve her goal. Her character showed determination and although there were some struggles along the way, she earned the respect of those around her. The scene where Julien finally confronts Robert E. Lee was impactful, and even though she didn't end up shooting or killing him, she was able to get some solace from him before she was killed.

                    This is bananas. It's like an eighth grade book report. As for "historical discrepancies" - it's a work of fiction. Robert E. Lee didn't have a multi-racial illegitimate daughter. "Reminicent"

                    Weaknesses:
                    Also, thought the plot is based on Julien trying to find General Lee in order to avenge her mother, the historical accuracy of this story in questionable. The story of a bastard child to Robert E. Lee is not a well known one, and the fact that this particular tale involves a half African-American female who assumed the identity of a white male soldier seems a bit implausible, and if it actually had happened, it would be a more well known story.


                    It's not well known because it's completely made up. I can't even begin to unwind the pretzel logic at play here.

                    Prospects:
                    Also, since it's unclear weather this is a story that is true or not, it might be difficult to get an audience to support a film like this. People enjoy triumph stories, but this would be a case where historical accuracy would be key.


                    It might be difficult to get an audience to support a fictional movie with real historical figures in it? Great point, don't think there's any precedent for that at the movies. Also, "weather."

                    I have got a lot of traction from the site but I will have a hard time giving them any more money going forward.
                    Welcome to the club of high and low evaluations and NOW for $75 a pop! I am genuinely amazed how much traction the BL gets. From now on I'm going to use one maybe two coverage services and do query letters and maybe contests. If I get a consider from say the script mechanic I'm sure that will carry more weight than an 8 from some random ass reader no one knows at the Black List.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                      Originally posted by Satriales View Post
                      So I brought this review to the attention of the site a couple of weeks ago. I had two more come in during this time. Now I had received 7s and 8s previously. Got a THREE today. I don't believe this script is a 3. However, if you wanted to argue it was and did so clearly and concisely, te salute. That's the business. But when, once again, I get a poor plot rehash for strengths (now I understand a 3 inherently has little strength, but...) as well as poor spelling and flawed logic, it's an issue.

                      Strengths: THE BASTARD OF ROBERT E. LEE shows the impact that actions can have on people. Though there may be historical discrepancies, Julien's character is reminicent of MULAN. Julien used the identity of a deceased soldier in order to get into the army and try to achieve her goal. Her character showed determination and although there were some struggles along the way, she earned the respect of those around her. The scene where Julien finally confronts Robert E. Lee was impactful, and even though she didn't end up shooting or killing him, she was able to get some solace from him before she was killed.

                      This is bananas. It's like an eighth grade book report. As for "historical discrepancies" - it's a work of fiction. Robert E. Lee didn't have a multi-racial illegitimate daughter. "Reminicent"

                      Weaknesses:
                      Also, thought the plot is based on Julien trying to find General Lee in order to avenge her mother, the historical accuracy of this story in questionable. The story of a bastard child to Robert E. Lee is not a well known one, and the fact that this particular tale involves a half African-American female who assumed the identity of a white male soldier seems a bit implausible, and if it actually had happened, it would be a more well known story.


                      It's not well known because it's completely made up. I can't even begin to unwind the pretzel logic at play here.

                      Prospects:
                      Also, since it's unclear weather this is a story that is true or not, it might be difficult to get an audience to support a film like this. People enjoy triumph stories, but this would be a case where historical accuracy would be key.


                      It might be difficult to get an audience to support a fictional movie with real historical figures in it? Great point, don't think there's any precedent for that at the movies. Also, "weather."

                      I have got a lot of traction from the site but I will have a hard time giving them any more money going forward.
                      I definitely feel your pain. My second one came in really low too and they offered a reduced rate, because it was significantly lower. Personally, I didn't feel the quality of the review was even close to the other two.

                      So, I think I have to agree with you. I think there are some very good readers on the Black List. There are some that are not. The scores range so much that it dropped by ave score an entire point. I think I've learned not to go for the additional free reads and/or discounted rates.

                      Below is the review for my newest spec, and it's well written and makes valuable points. I have an industry review, too, and I'm not getting any more since both Tracker and Wasteland: The Sixth State are both on the top lists. The risk is great that your next review will come in low.

                      Tracker has had three industry down loads since making the list two weeks ago (it was in the #1 and #2 position before the low score came in and Wasteland has had one (holiday weekend). I think what bothers me the most is that there are readers who are very good at understanding story and there are others that simply aren't and cannot articulate well. That's my personal opinion.

                      Anyway, if anyone wants to download Wasteland: The Sixth State or Tracker, it will allow writers to do so. Not saying anyone wants to. But I think the written part of the review is well written and it's clear they read the entire spec. It received 7s and 8s with an overall of 7.

                      Era:
                      Future

                      Locations:
                      Earth / Space / Apocalyptic / Future

                      Budgets:
                      Blockbuster

                      Genre:
                      Action & Adventure, Action Thriller, Drama, Sci-Fi Thriller, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Sci-Fi Disaster Films

                      Logline:
                      A fearless raider in an apocalyptic and futuristic world that is plagued by disease must escort a chosen girl that is thought to have healing powers to safety.

                      Strengths:
                      The world and plot that's created here is extremely ambitious, effective and captivating. The story pulls the audience in from the very beginning as we get to see a brief history of what has happened to the earth before the script's plot begins. The apocalyptic/futuristic nature of the world is original in construction yet familiar in all of the right ways. The characters' motives and actions are original to this premise, but the way they speak and the human emotions they expel are incredibly realistic and natural. Tessa's interactions in the school early on when she's viewed as a celebrity due to being the healer is a well crafted scene that really helps to bridge the gap for the audience of how we can be familiar with the way things work in this world while still getting mesmerized by how philosophically stimulating it is to have all of the kids on happy drugs and young Tessa facing a fate that is so daunting for her. Novak and Styx' relationship is hilarious in many ways and very violently strong in others. The comedy that comes from them gives tremendous relief in the dialogue amongst an otherwise dark story. Novak's relationship to Tessa is powerful and contrasted well in so far as their voices. It's an endearing moment when Tessa attempts to inject Novak with her blood to help him. This script is a very enjoyable read.

                      Weaknesses:
                      There is nothing fundamentally wrong with this project right now. That said there are a few places that could get expanded upon or considered for tweaking that might allow the script to reach a higher potential. P.M. Ayres' character feels a bit bland and one noted, if not a little derivative within this genre. Although his character is essential for the plot, going in and giving him a more unique personality could help. At the end when we see him with Tessa it could be stronger of a conclusion if we were able to connect with his character more. On a plotting level the finale is very revealing and powerfully mind blowing in many ways, but in the way that the script leaves the audience, having a better connection with Ayres across the board could build up better for the finale (this is just one example where his voice/character could change the script into being stronger). The addition of Hope is a great part of the script and really propels a lot of the plot in the third act. That being said a lot of the dialogue between Hope and Tessa feels sort of contrived and expositional even to really pound out what is happening in the plot. Try to pull back on this a little and add more subtext and it could help. At 128 pages this script is long for the spec market and it's shedding light on some overwriting in the prose of the action.

                      Prospects:
                      On a premise, character, plot, dialogue and setting level this script is proficient and wonderfully written. It definitely deserves attention from industry readers looking for a unique and well thought out science-fiction franchise to bring to life. The budget would be massive to pull this off, and the prospects of a script like this getting picked up in spec form like this is going to be an uphill battle due to the market within the genre, but it is a very well written script in many layers. The plot is a bit long winded within the second act, but this is not a major issue whatsoever. The story drags a little at 128 pages, but the groundwork is laid for this project to reach a very high potential with everything that's on the page and it could definitely be imagined as something that could be brought to the big screen down the line. At the very least it's a strong writing sample and will only get stronger if it picks up a bit of a faster pace. In a loose way this script could be described as CHILDREN OF MEN meets ELYSIUM.

                      Pages:
                      128
                      "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist,- Pablo Picasso

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                        I'm not a paid member anymore after my Page Finalist script got no industry views on three premise eights (seething on the inside) but I'd love to read your new space opera script.
                        I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                          Originally posted by finalact4 View Post
                          I definitely feel your pain. My second one came in really low too and they offered a reduced rate, because it was significantly lower. Personally, I didn't feel the quality of the review was even close to the other two.

                          So, I think I have to agree with you. I think there are some very good readers on the Black List. There are some that are not. The scores range so much that it dropped by ave score an entire point. I think I've learned not to go for the additional free reads and/or discounted rates.

                          Below is the review for my newest spec, and it's well written and makes valuable points. I have an industry review, too, and I'm not getting any more since both Tracker and Wasteland: The Sixth State are both on the top lists. The risk is great that your next review will come in low.

                          Tracker has had three industry down loads since making the list two weeks ago (it was in the #1 and #2 position before the low score came in and Wasteland has had one (holiday weekend). I think what bothers me the most is that there are readers who are very good at understanding story and there are others that simply aren't and cannot articulate well. That's my personal opinion.

                          Anyway, if anyone wants to download Wasteland: The Sixth State or Tracker, it will allow writers to do so. Not saying anyone wants to. But I think the written part of the review is well written and it's clear they read the entire spec. It received 7s and 8s with an overall of 7.

                          Era:
                          Future

                          Locations:
                          Earth / Space / Apocalyptic / Future

                          Budgets:
                          Blockbuster

                          Genre:
                          Action & Adventure, Action Thriller, Drama, Sci-Fi Thriller, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Sci-Fi Disaster Films

                          Logline:
                          A fearless raider in an apocalyptic and futuristic world that is plagued by disease must escort a chosen girl that is thought to have healing powers to safety.

                          Strengths:
                          The world and plot that's created here is extremely ambitious, effective and captivating. The story pulls the audience in from the very beginning as we get to see a brief history of what has happened to the earth before the script's plot begins. The apocalyptic/futuristic nature of the world is original in construction yet familiar in all of the right ways. The characters' motives and actions are original to this premise, but the way they speak and the human emotions they expel are incredibly realistic and natural. Tessa's interactions in the school early on when she's viewed as a celebrity due to being the healer is a well crafted scene that really helps to bridge the gap for the audience of how we can be familiar with the way things work in this world while still getting mesmerized by how philosophically stimulating it is to have all of the kids on happy drugs and young Tessa facing a fate that is so daunting for her. Novak and Styx' relationship is hilarious in many ways and very violently strong in others. The comedy that comes from them gives tremendous relief in the dialogue amongst an otherwise dark story. Novak's relationship to Tessa is powerful and contrasted well in so far as their voices. It's an endearing moment when Tessa attempts to inject Novak with her blood to help him. This script is a very enjoyable read.

                          Weaknesses:
                          There is nothing fundamentally wrong with this project right now. That said there are a few places that could get expanded upon or considered for tweaking that might allow the script to reach a higher potential. P.M. Ayres' character feels a bit bland and one noted, if not a little derivative within this genre. Although his character is essential for the plot, going in and giving him a more unique personality could help. At the end when we see him with Tessa it could be stronger of a conclusion if we were able to connect with his character more. On a plotting level the finale is very revealing and powerfully mind blowing in many ways, but in the way that the script leaves the audience, having a better connection with Ayres across the board could build up better for the finale (this is just one example where his voice/character could change the script into being stronger). The addition of Hope is a great part of the script and really propels a lot of the plot in the third act. That being said a lot of the dialogue between Hope and Tessa feels sort of contrived and expositional even to really pound out what is happening in the plot. Try to pull back on this a little and add more subtext and it could help. At 128 pages this script is long for the spec market and it's shedding light on some overwriting in the prose of the action.

                          Prospects:
                          On a premise, character, plot, dialogue and setting level this script is proficient and wonderfully written. It definitely deserves attention from industry readers looking for a unique and well thought out science-fiction franchise to bring to life. The budget would be massive to pull this off, and the prospects of a script like this getting picked up in spec form like this is going to be an uphill battle due to the market within the genre, but it is a very well written script in many layers. The plot is a bit long winded within the second act, but this is not a major issue whatsoever. The story drags a little at 128 pages, but the groundwork is laid for this project to reach a very high potential with everything that's on the page and it could definitely be imagined as something that could be brought to the big screen down the line. At the very least it's a strong writing sample and will only get stronger if it picks up a bit of a faster pace. In a loose way this script could be described as CHILDREN OF MEN meets ELYSIUM.

                          Pages:
                          128

                          That's really disappointing that you only got three downloads out of that. And to your point - there is a certain lack of sophistication in some of the reviews. And I get that - I'm sure there is some X percent of their readers that have a couple of years experience and are just out of college. I know a great deal have much more experience than that but the lack of gravitas in (seemingly) an increasing number of reviews is disappointing.

                          I downloaded both of your scripts this week when I saw them on the top lists and am halfway through Tracker - really enjoying it so far and will hope to finish it after the holiday - congrats on such a tight script!

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                            Originally posted by Satriales View Post
                            That's really disappointing that you only got three downloads out of that. And to your point - there is a certain lack of sophistication in some of the reviews. And I get that - I'm sure there is some X percent of their readers that have a couple of years experience and are just out of college. I know a great deal have much more experience than that but the lack of gravitas in (seemingly) an increasing number of reviews is disappointing.

                            I downloaded both of your scripts this week when I saw them on the top lists and am halfway through Tracker - really enjoying it so far and will hope to finish it after the holiday - congrats on such a tight script!
                            Hi Satriales,
                            Thanks for the kind words and for taking time to read my scripts-- I appreciate it.

                            I think you have to do everything in your power to promote your material. And I guess, I should also say that the first time I had it on the Black List, before I rewrote the one you're reading, it did over time have about twenty something downloads over time.

                            I will say as a nobody, you can still get your work to some good prodcos and managers, even high level ones, through queries. But the biggest difference for me has been getting into the studios to top execs, top prodcos and agents. I don't think an agent has ever actually responded to one of my queries, it was always the "unsolicited, returned unread, call us when you have a rep."
                            "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist,- Pablo Picasso

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: My first Blacklist review - 8

                              Originally posted by FoxHound View Post
                              I'm not a paid member anymore after my Page Finalist script got no industry views on three premise eights (seething on the inside) but I'd love to read your new space opera script.
                              You ever look at those daily graphs that show how many view there were for the day and the total downloads? It's kind of interesting I wonder what the average number of views each visitor takes. And how many on average downloads there are? And sorry to hear that the Black List hasn't brought more attention to you as a writer. It's frustrating, I know.

                              Well, it's actually not a space opera, just has a series of shots from space it's just one of the locations.

                              Shoot me your email and I'll send it. It's really a post-apocalyptic dystopian action thriller. Written with a franchise in mind. You'll understand that when you get to the end.
                              "Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist,- Pablo Picasso

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