Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

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  • Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

    IMDB:

    "In this spin on the fairy tale, Hansel & Gretel are now bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world."

    Release date: January 25, 2013

    According to Variety, Dreamworks are developing Humpty Dumpty for the big screen:

    "In this modern update of the nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty is now an assassin working for the government. The president of Humpty Land instructs Humpty to locate and destroy the 'The Verse of Rhymes' - a ruthless terrorist organization. Can Humpty stop them in time or will his weight get in the way?"

    Can't wait to see this!

  • #2
    Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

    If Dee-Underground cameo breaks "The Humpty Dance" for the Humpty Of Dumpty Sequel...I - AM - SO - THERE!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCszVKodgh4

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    • #3
      Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

      This movie looks silly.

      I think part of it is the Hansel and Gretel part in the title.

      - Bill
      Free Script Tips:
      http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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      • #4
        Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

        Can't wait to not see it.

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        • #5
          Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

          Originally posted by Mossbraker View Post
          Can't wait to not see it.
          Concepts like this prove Hollywood thinks we're just a bunch of dumbasses.

          Here's a million-dollar idea: Mary had a little lamb, but it was taken from her. Now it's up to Mary to get it back - by any means necessary! Liam Neeson is...The Huntress!

          Next trend that we're all going to look back on 5 years from now and see just how stupid it was, please!

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          • #6
            Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

            After a scrape with a cannibal witch as children, Hansel and Gretel WINCHESTER grow up to take down hell-spawned villains the rest of the world has no idea how to combat.

            Hey, I'm a HUGE fan of Supernatural, so maybe that affects why I can envision this flick and am willing to give it a chance?

            I'm sorry, but if Snow White worked, why not this? I'd certainly rather see medieval Winchesters than midgets.
            Cufk, Tish, Sips.

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            • #7
              Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

              Rumpelstiltskin: Super Tailor - When a country comes under attack from the forces of evil, only super-tailor Rumpelstiltskin can weave their golden armour. But first he must overcome his inappropriate love for a child.

              Cinderella: Stepmotherf**ker - A young assassin tracks down evil stepmothers and sticks a glass slipper up their a**. Catchphrase: 'It fits!'

              Black Sheep - after years of slavery, a badass black sheep picks up the shears and delivers three bags full o' whoopass.
              Last edited by Jon Jay; 01-23-2013, 01:25 AM.
              My stuff

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              • #8
                Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                Originally posted by wcmartell View Post
                This movie looks silly.

                I think part of it is the Hansel and Gretel part in the title.

                - Bill
                I hadn't thought of that, but I think you're right. Let's say this movie existed without the literal tie in of Hansel and Gretel. It would probably be intriguing based on the previews, at least on the level of a Van Helsing, then you throw in Renner which adds even more intrigue and legitimacy.

                But as soon as you find out they are Hansel & Gretel, a whole bunch of Crapfest Radars immediately go off telling you that it's going to be as sucky as, well....Van Helsing.

                Good point.
                On Twitter @DeadManSkipping

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                • #9
                  Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                  There Was An Old Woman Who Loved In A Shoe - 20 children, two laces, one loaf of bread, no survivors. Time to whip them all soundly and send them to bed - a bed in HELL!

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                  • #10
                    Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                    I remember reading the script for this and finding it extremely off-putting. I've read a few other "revamped" fairy-tale scripts, and each seems to be worse than the next. And I'm pretty much the ideal target market for this: a lover of period-action films with a special penchant for European folklore and history and literature. But I am continually disappointed with the product.

                    The pity of it is that these scripts/films could be great. The basic idea is brilliant: taking European folk tales, fables, myths and legends, and giving them an exciting, cinematic treatment, whether in an eerie horror vein, an action premise, or ideally, a combination of both.

                    But instead of exploring the treasure-trove of European folklore and adding the kind of period detail that would give these films richness (few of us ever lose our innate fascinating with knights and armor and fantasy -- witness LOTR), these scripts create characters with absurdly anachronistic values and attitudes and saddle them with ridiculous steampunk technology.

                    Occasionally, these scripts have little touches of brilliance, but modernity quickly intrudes in the form of the writers' need to be "edgy" and contemporary, and it all quickly goes to hell -- and not in a good way.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                      It looks absolutely ****ing horrible.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                        The CGI stuff just looks bad - but I don't think it is any worse than others films. Maybe I'm just over CGI and want to see more practical FX work for a while.

                        Maybe it's what the CGI is doing (or not doing) - in HUNTSMAN, having the Queen break up into a murder of crows and fly away was cool... but noting in HANSEL is cool - just CGI stuff. The *idea* behind the CGI is bland.

                        Or, am I just an old fart?

                        - Bill
                        Free Script Tips:
                        http://www.scriptsecrets.net

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                        • #13
                          Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                          But... Van Helsing... was brilliant...
                          Cufk, Tish, Sips.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                            Originally posted by karsten View Post
                            The pity of it is that these scripts/films could be great. The basic idea is brilliant: taking European folk tales, fables, myths and legends, and giving them an exciting, cinematic treatment, whether in an eerie horror vein, an action premise, or ideally, a combination of both.
                            I agree. I had high hopes for Gilliam's Brothers Grimm - if it had been a grungy Jabberwocky-style film made for twenty quid it could have been great; alas it seems you can't do that kind of film anymore.
                            My stuff

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                            • #15
                              Re: Hansel and Gretel - Witch Hunters

                              Snow White and The Huntsman was intriguing because it promised a darker, more dramatic, somewhat Shakespearean tone for a child-friendly story. The hook was SNOW WHITE meets JOAN OF ARC.

                              Hansel and Gretel isn't spinning its story in a clever way. It's just HANSEL AND GRETEL meets MODERN HOLLYWOOD BS.
                              I'm never wrong. Reality is just stubborn.

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