Underage

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  • Underage

    Adam, player, sleeps with an underage chick who blackmails him into posing as her boyfriend in order to make her ex jealous.

    This script was okay I guess. I didn't enjoy the set-up. It felt a little forced. It was like, "How do you write a comedy about a guy who dates an underage girl and still make the audience have sympathy for him?" So of course they made her blackmail him. I just wasn't onboard with that. I think part of the humor and the conflict comes from your character knowing that what he's doing is wrong (see Lester Burnham in American Beauty - albeit a darker take). If he has conflicted emotions about what he's doing, there's a lot more comedy there - not to mention the whole story becomes more complex. Being forced along for the ride takes a lot of the fun out of it. I can understand why they did it though (I don't think studio people would accept that storyline in a pure comedy) but I wish they hadn't. Too safe. -- The underage jokes are fairly familiar if you've watched any movies in the last 20 years. And midway through I was about to call it quits. But the script rebounds in a big way, and once we just focus on the relationship between the two, it actually turns into a sweet little love story. So I'd recommend this, but just barely.
    Last edited by ScriptShadow; 12-16-2008, 07:49 PM.
    Script Reviews - 5 a week! http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/

  • #2
    Re: Underage

    I'd give it a much heartier recommendation. Though perhaps it resonates with me more because I've actually been emotionally tortured by underage girls that I've had one night stands with and then fallen for. Heck, if Adam weren't handsome, smart, physically fit and successful with women, it could almost be a film of my life. Well, the second half, anyway. And if Braden were more of a total bitch.

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    • #3
      Re: Underage

      coyle, your version sounds much funnier.
      Script Reviews - 5 a week! http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/

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      • #4
        Re: Underage

        I think my Mommy genes are kicking in here -- HOW underage?

        Like 17.5 years old or like 13 years old?

        And the age of the guy is important too -- 21 years old or like 50 years old.
        Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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        • #5
          Re: Underage

          Here's one for you: just this week, in my area, a PTA official in her 40's was caught "undressed" in a car with a 13 year old boy.
          http://www.pjmcilvaine.com/

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          • #6
            Re: Underage

            Originally posted by LIMAMA View Post
            Here's one for you: just this week, in my area, a PTA official in her 40's was caught "undressed" in a car with a 13 year old boy.
            Aw jeeze.... what the heck is going on?

            Even when I was 13 I thought 13 year old boys were too immature for me!

            40? Jeeze!
            Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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            • #7
              Re: Underage

              girl is almost 18. guy is 27 I think. so it's really them playing it about as safe as they can by still sounding "risky".
              Script Reviews - 5 a week! http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/

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              • #8
                Re: Underage

                Originally posted by wilsoneads View Post
                girl is almost 18. guy is 27 I think. so it's really them playing it about as safe as they can by still sounding "risky".
                Ah -- well I suspect this may be a 27-year-old male studio execs' fantasy spec.
                Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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                • #9
                  Re: Underage

                  Originally posted by LIMAMA View Post
                  Here's one for you: just this week, in my area, a PTA official in her 40's was caught "undressed" in a car with a 13 year old boy.
                  With a 13 year old boy? That's disgusting.

                  ...Was my initial reaction upon first glance, until I caught the "her." Now I'm just jealous of the boy. As a schoolkid, I often masturbated to the thought of several of my female teachers. Which I suppose most lads do, though I was probably less fussy about which ones.

                  However, I wasn't a huge fan of the "Hot For Teacher" script. So perhaps my attachment to "Underage" is not based primarily on experience with the subject matter. Then again, by the time I read "Hot For Teacher" I'd been out of school for almost a decade, whereas I'm still in a mess about the minx that made me her bitch.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Underage

                    Originally posted by Coyle View Post
                    As a schoolkid, I often masturbated to the thought of several of my female teachers.
                    Waaaaayyyyy too much information.
                    Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

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                    • #11
                      Re: Underage

                      Originally posted by Coyle View Post
                      With a 13 year old boy? That's disgusting.

                      ...Was my initial reaction upon first glance, until I caught the "her." Now I'm just jealous of the boy. As a schoolkid, I often masturbated to the thought of several of my female teachers.
                      Coyle, welcome to Donedeal!
                      Script Reviews - 5 a week! http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/

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                      • #12
                        Re: Underage

                        sc111: I was only stating the reasonably-obvious, so as to illuminate and introduce my further thoughts. Don't act like you didn't do it!

                        wilsoneads: Cheers!

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                        • #13
                          Re: Underage

                          Originally posted by Coyle View Post
                          As a schoolkid...
                          Are you suggesting you somehow outgrew your fondness for teachers as you got older? Or did it change to...never mind.

                          Not sure about immature, but definitely, "premature", to have an adult relationship, even if it is just a sexual one for a boy at 13.

                          If you're a 13 year old boy with a fresh new dose of testosterone being released in your body, you'd have sex with anything, even a couch.

                          I would have given anything to have sex with Mrs. Robinson at 13. Plus a 13 year old boy doesn't come home pregnant; however, it's still disgusting and I can't imagine why any woman would do that. That's f'd up, imo.

                          With girls it's different, more of a cultural thing. It's acceptable in some countries, heck even some states, to have young girls marry older men. Hey, I'm not supporting it, just saying it's a reality.
                          The best way out is always through. - Robert Frost

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                          • #14
                            Re: Underage

                            Originally posted by Coyle View Post
                            sc111: I was only stating the reasonably-obvious, so as to illuminate and introduce my further thoughts. Don't act like you didn't do it!

                            wilsoneads: Cheers!
                            I didn't.

                            But maybe because as an elementary school girl or even through HS most of my teachers were old women.

                            I understood your intention to explain your POV vis-a-vis the script ... umm, sure. Yeah.
                            Advice from writer, Kelly Sue DeConnick. "Try this: if you can replace your female character with a sexy lamp and the story still basically works, maybe you need another draft.-

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Underage

                              Originally posted by sc111 View Post
                              I didn't.

                              But maybe because as an elementary school girl or even through HS most of my teachers were old women.
                              So were some of mine...

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