Umbra

[Raw_and_Vital]

Re: Umbra

Spyder.... If they just smashed to black do you know how many furious people will be walking out of that theater!? I'm not saying I disagree with you but heck, people want that delivery... It's so much easier for people to see it rather than think for their own self... last time I checked, most people are overly lazy....

Atlas, I agree with you. The first act put this script up on this giant pedestal... If you're going to be doing that... You better deliver. I had NO problem with the ending. I did have a problem that it wasn't at all shocking... You make a guy cry from a stupid tape that has no origin, you better have a shocking ending... This ending was nothing close to being shocking...

other than that..... This script is a pass... but I loved it at the same time....

Actually, I take it all back. SOmething about this script... hmmm. Yes. I love it. Seriously...



NOW, has anyone read the void yet? I've been putting it off for over a week. Is it pretty good? yae or nae?

[Why One]

Re: Umbra

Cool, only 96 pages. Should be a fast read.

[instant_karma]

Re: Umbra

Also, I agree that the script was an incredible page-turner. I just wish the third act lived up to the first...

I think the thing that makes this a page-turner is the drip-feeding of information about the tape's contents.

Whilst this works pretty effectively on the page, I think it would be frustrating to watch if it was executed on the screen in the same manner.

I reckon you could maybe only get away with the director fading out the sound of the recording while the character continues to listen maybe twice before the audience started to feel the manipulation of POV was too heavy handed.

[gs1979]

Re: Umbra

Writing...

[Kevan]

Re: Umbra

Okay, why is it that David doesn't listen to the whole tape the first time? Or the second time..? I just could not believe the fact that he freaking listened to this stupid tape as he went along for the convenience of the script.

But maybe I missed something... I probably did, I mean, what do I know? I'm just a schmuck reading a script... If they bought it, there has to be a reason... but goddamn it, this **** bothered me too much...(besides the ending) This felt like a gimmick to have me read the whole script to find out what was on that tape -- I thought that was very very lame... (he could've done a million other things to get me interested in reading the script until the very end)

Please don't hesitate to tell me how wrong I am... just explain to me why, so I can go to sleep in peace...

Thanx.

I've not read the script but from what you're saying it sounds like the screenwriter has chosen a great device to hook the reader/audience but fails to provide a satisfying payoff/conclusion..

If that is the case the script don't work and needs a rewrite.. Bummer for him...

[RyanJackson]

Re: Umbra

gs1979,

I had the same feelings (and questions) about this script as well. It's not only you.......

The ending of Umbra gave me cinematic blue balls (if there is such a thing). When I got to the end all I could think was: "All that build up for that??!!!" It was like going to an Asian massage parlor and getting a rub down from hot Lucy Liu look alike and having her walk out on you during the happy ending!!!!! Not that I would know anything about that....... I'm just saying.......

[gs1979]

Re: Umbra

writing...

[qualitycontrol]

Re: Umbra

I thought this script was great until the ending, but its still very good.

[sherbetbizarre]

Re: Umbra

He listens to the ENTIRE tape the first time...

We, the audience, only get to hear it in snatches.

[gs1979]

Re: Umbra

Writing...

[qualitycontrol]

Re: Umbra

He listens to the ENTIRE tape the first time...

We, the audience, only get to hear it in snatches.

I thought that was pretty easy to get. And it was a good device to slowly heighten the stakes, mood, tension, etc.

[gs1979]

Re: Umbra

writing...

[JonnyAtlas]

Re: Umbra

We never hear the tape when he's listening to it (beyond a few seconds). All the other times we her it, we are hearing is memory of the tape. Something going on is making him think back to the tape again, and that is what we are hearing.

Also, he doesn't listen to it all the way through until the scene in his bathroom where he throws up and passes out.

But, more than anything else, it's just a good suspense device to pull the audience forward.

[gs1979]

Re: Umbra

Thanks for the response. What you stated Jonny is what I thought happened. But, I disagree, I felt the writer could've done other things to get me interested and other reasons to get me to hear the last bit of the tape just as the movie ended... to me it felt like a cheap gimmick/device ( I'm probably wrong, I mean, for god's sake they bought the script so that says it all).

Thanks once again. This topic is finito for me--

Back to writing...