The Disciple Program...

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  • The Disciple Program...

    Any thoughts on this one? Getting a lot of hype at the moment. A good script for sure. A movie in there for definite. Will be interesting to see what happens. Anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking, check out scriptshadow.
    It's the eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight

  • #2
    Re: The Disciple Program...

    Seeing a lot of hype for it on scriptshadow, I don't like reading scripts before a potential release but I'll make an exception here.

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    • #3
      Re: The Disciple Program...

      Is this an amateur Friday entry?

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      • #4
        Re: The Disciple Program...

        Originally posted by Dr. Vergerus View Post
        Is this an amateur Friday entry?
        Yes.

        From his mailing list:

        "Wow. Just WOW. I received more e-mails in the last 10 hours than at any other 10 hour stretch in my life. It was MADNESS. I knew The Disciple Program was good. Like really really good. But I didn't know how much Hollywood would care. Tyler was on the phone for 8 straight hours fielding calls from the likes of WMA, Benderspink, Anonymous, UTA, and a bunch of other producers/managers/agents. It started out with just people I had sent the script to. But then other people got their hands on the script and THEY started calling him. He wasn't even able to talk to everyone. Last I heard he stumbled out to a pizza joint (he lives in Brooklyn) to grab a couple of slices of pizza and just try to take it all in. The next step is selling the thing, which will require deciding on who he's going to go with, and then putting together a package to sell to a studio. But who knows what could happen. This thing is moving at Mach 5."

        Scriptshadow has received a lot of controversy here in the past, and for good reason. But please nobody open that can of worms in this thread. It appears Scriptshadow just hooked a writer up with a chance to break in. Pretty cool.

        As for the script, I only got to reading half last night, sadly. I'll be back to discuss when I'm done!
        Twitter: @jboffer

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        • #5
          Re: The Disciple Program...

          I haven't read it, but I have a problem - the script is based off a pro writer's logline and incorporates around $1000 of consultation notes from the Writer's Store.

          How much of the resulting script was the writer and how much was other people's notes? Is that a fair question to ask?

          This isn't a guy working at home alone on his own idea. This is a contest that manufactures a professional quality script based off of both a professional's idea and the help of people who charge for their notes. Would anyone who sunk that much money into a script have a bad draft?

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          • #6
            Re: The Disciple Program...

            So?

            Don't writers who work on assignment get notes?

            A lot of people have terrible scripts no matter how much they spend. And terrible movies too.

            If the guy has managed to write a screenplay that got him attention, all I have to say is "best wishes."

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            • #7
              Re: The Disciple Program...

              Originally posted by killertv View Post
              I haven't read it, but I have a problem - the script is based off a pro writer's logline and incorporates around $1000 of consultation notes from the Writer's Store.

              How much of the resulting script was the writer and how much was other people's notes? Is that a fair question to ask?

              This isn't a guy working at home alone on his own idea. This is a contest that manufactures a professional quality script based off of both a professional's idea and the help of people who charge for their notes.
              First, the "professional's idea" kinda sucked. That premise was so bare-bones and so uninteresting that it was more of a hindrance to writing a good script than a head start.

              Originally posted by killertv View Post
              Would anyone who sunk that much money into a script have a bad draft?
              Do you really think getting notes from whoever the hell gives notes-for-pay at The Writer's Store is all you need to produce a good script?

              If so, if that's all it takes to "manufacture a professional quality script" why don't you pony up a thousand bucks for notes and then come back here in a month and tell us who your new reps at WME are.

              Sheesh.

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              • #8
                Re: The Disciple Program...

                Originally posted by Dr. Vergerus View Post
                So?

                Don't writers who work on assignment get notes?
                You're missing the point. Writers on assignment got the job from a script which was understood to be their own work. They're then PAID to TAKE notes from non-writers, unlike amateurs who PAY FOR notes from "mentors" (their word) more experienced at writing. I think there's a big difference - how much did the mentor affect the outcome of the final draft?

                Originally posted by Paul Striver
                If so, if that's all it takes to "manufacture a professional quality script" why don't you pony up a thousand bucks for notes and then come back here in a month and tell us who your new reps at WME are.
                Loan me the $1000 and your bet is on, buddy. I'll even let you give me the logline (I hadn't read it before, but I see your point). But you have to give me the 14 weeks he got, not 4.

                I don't begrudge the guy his success. I just honestly wonder what if any one of us had the opportunity to develop a script like his did if it wouldn't turn out almost as well.

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                • #9
                  Re: The Disciple Program...

                  Finished it this morning. I'm mostly pasting below what I posted over at SS already.

                  Overhyped, folks. By a lot. Nothing is game changing here, although it certainly blows the other amateur scripts he's featured out of the water.

                  The writing is great--when you're talking about how he paints a scene and uses descriptions--but a tad too smart for my humble Hollywood mind--it definitely wins the title of "most times I checked the dictionary" for a script.

                  The actual story is very average. A lot of very good scenes I think would like great on film, but as a whole it left me feeling a bit empty. Not positive if I'd "recommend" a read or not. I've been feeling less and less good about it since I finished it this morning.

                  Spoilers for those who read it:

                  The main gripe is that I never felt things were actually that difficult for the protagonist. Now you might be saying, WHAT! He had people on him the whole movie! Well, sorta. The story had him REACTING a lot, yes. But he never had to make any real choices. He never ran into a real roadblock on what to do next or how to respond to a situation. No tension between being given two bad choices. Not many suspenseful "What is he going to do now?" moments for the most part, except for the scene with the car when he was being pumped full of booze (which I thought was genius). I just didn't feel the challenge--he got from point A to point B relatively easily. Make him have to pretend to be someone he's not. Make him try to save someone before their killed and loses the trail--when he's in the cabin, sure it's shocking that the guy he's talking to gets shot suddenly. Wouldn't have it been more tense, though, if he had to keep him alive during battle in order to get some key piece of information or something? He can still die, making things difficult for our protagonist, but make it a fight. Look to the lastest "Mission Impossible" film for examples of raising the stakes during every scene. There were usually multiple kinds of danger and multiple things going wrong. It might be taste, but that captivates me a viewer. This script came across as pretty linear and lacking that exciting x-factor.

                  And it was quite expedited at the end. You find out a lot and he gets swift vengeance with little in his way in a very short amount of time. The twist was great, but it's also kind of meaningless at the same time. It doesn't change anything--the fact he killed his wife doesn't change who was actually responsible or alter his goals by any means. This new information doesn't result in a new set piece or drive a different finale than we otherwise would have expected. So while it was a "ha, that's cool!" moment, I think the twist of having Rodger be a disciple could have impacted the story in a grander/bigger way. Not sure how, but there's something brilliant there. Maybe he's not actually "damaged," maybe a disciple can only be activated once every X amount of hours (ticking time bombs!). Maybe they're trying to capture him, not kill him, because he's important for some reason. Maybe he's the only disciple who can carry out a big big plan, raising the stakes further (they're going to use him for something bad).

                  The premise of "government controlled agents via mind control" isn't all that original or awesome. Having someone investigate his wife's mysterious death while unknowingly being one of those agents is better--if that twist actually affects the story.

                  I think Carson, the Scriptshadow guy, has made quite a lot of connections in the industry. This was his first "discovery" that he got to send it out to people. Labeling it as "top 10" in his list. I think all those people read it, and saw the potential from the detail in the descriptions, some good "mood scenes" like the beginning, and realism behind the dialogue/military jargon, and they got excited and hyped for the writer.

                  But, in my opinion, it's not ready for film. I think it'll fall a little flat and leaving people wanting something a little grander. Which I think it can be. And who knows, might be some day. The concept and the writer have potential to make this huge--though at the end of the day the hook is still about government mind control, which has been done plenty of times.
                  Twitter: @jboffer

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                  • #10
                    Re: The Disciple Program...

                    Originally posted by jboffer View Post
                    The concept and the writer have potential to make this huge
                    Jboffer, you make a lot of excellent points that I agree with. But I think the reps are excited about this script for exactly what you said above: the concept and writer. The writer proves himself very capable of writing exciting and original scenes, and putting them all together into a cohesive whole. The script can only improve with further development, which I'm sure it will go through.

                    I read a number of black list scripts this year that I felt were in need of much more development than this one.

                    So congrats and good luck to Tyler!

                    My website:www.marjorykaptanoglu.com

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                    • #11
                      Re: The Disciple Program...

                      It was good but extremely over hype, maybe because it's from a amateur. the story was to generic for me but the writing is great.
                      I'm no
                      t an analyzing type so that all I have to say.

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                      • #12
                        Re: The Disciple Program...

                        I wish the writer all the success in the world and since I don't imagine too many execs lurk here, I'll give my unvarnished opinion. I think The Disciple Program is a decent script but there are a host of major problems: the love story between Roger and Jocelyn which should drive the story is generic; nearly every scene showing the bad guys is superfluous and if removed, would cripple story length; the action pieces are generic and not enough obstacles were present; there's a bait and switch in tone after Roger's meeting with the killer who cut his arm off (rather unbelievably); the concept, world, and flow of the story doesn't add anything new; the dialogue felt like it came from two characters, average IQ or smug genius; and the descriptions are painstakingly looong.

                        Overall, decent for an amateur script but to make it into the top ten of Carson's list is undue praise and imo, dulls a bit of the shine from his evaluating, as there are also other questionable scripts on there (though there are very good scripts on there as well).
                        Last edited by AlexNoa; 02-24-2012, 03:48 PM.

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                        • #13
                          Re: The Disciple Program...

                          Curious to read this spec, but can't find a pdf. Any help?
                          12 Angry Men is proof that all you need is a bunch of good actors, good characters, clear motivations and a table. -- Ben Odgren; Go into the Story

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                          • #14
                            Re: The Disciple Program...

                            Originally posted by dangerouscreenwriter View Post
                            Curious to read this spec, but can't find a pdf. Any help?
                            Same.

                            As an amateur myself, it would be really helpful to see how another amateur broke through.

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                            • #15
                              Re: The Disciple Program...

                              We do ask that everyone please hold off on script trades, etc. for a variety of reasons which have been covered in the past.

                              But maybe if you contact the site they can help you with it.
                              Will
                              Done Deal Pro
                              www.donedealpro.com

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